I think you can pick up subconsciously on how much trouble someone is having with doing something. If someone is struggling to reject someone, it’s somewhat reassuring, I would imagine, for the person being rejected. It shows that they care.
Attractive people have to turn people down more often. You eventually start to worry less about it, once you think you’ve figured out a way to do it without hurting someone’s feelings. I find it’s easy to forget that sometimes, the thing that helps the most, is reassurance that you’re struggling to.
I don’t really struggle with rejecting people anymore. I had to get used to it fairly early on. I find that most guys don’t actually move on though. Some pretend to to in order to save face. But then they’ll ask me again when they think they’ve done something impressive. Or they’ll make little comments here and there to try to test the water. Some of them get a bit passive aggressive to. There’s one guy at the moment who, after I turned down his romantic offer, has taken to calling me cute, constantly, in a way that implies it’s something demeaning and childish. I’m not exactly sure whether or not I should confront him about it, but that’s a tangent.
Anyway, I find that guys usually don’t move on. I’ve spoken to my friends about it and they don’t seem to have the same problem. I’m aware that I’m attractive. I feel like society doesn’t like women to say that, but I’m at the point where I feel like it’s ridiculous to have a folder full of modeling contract offers while also pretending not to know that I’m attractive. Anyway, that’s a tangent.
I don’t want to believe that people are shallow enough that that’s the only reason that they can’t move on. Sure attractiveness can cause interest. But I don’t think it can cause infatuation. At least not that often. So I think it has to be something about the way we reject people. And the only difference I can think of is that we’re so used to doing it, that it’s no longer really difficult. I could see that being hurtful.
Rejection, as an experience, needs to be normalized, not catastrophized.
Does rejection hurt more now than ever?
Unfortunately, we’ve spent years trying to build up the self-esteem of an entire generation and have created a world in which the word, “No,” carries more power to wound adults more deeply than ever believed possible. The ‘everyone gets a trophy' mentality coupled with the instant gratification that technology seems to offer has created a world in which rejection seems like a direct attack on a person’s sense of self. The idea that just because we want something means that we can have it is a throwback to the typical mindset of a 2-year-old who is just testing out the boundaries of her power. While it would be great if we could simply blame parents for the problem so many adults face today, it still won’t solve the problem that exists in terms of “rejection rejecters.”
Does it sting more?
I have no idea, because I did not approach any female to whom I was not attracted sexually.
Rejection did not 'sting' me. What happened was that I became pissed off and extremely resentful when a female would reject me, then throw herself at the most worthless mono-brow knuckle-dragging POS she could find. It was not the rejection. It was what she chose instead of me. If I had lost to a better man, I could understand and accept that, but to lose to a POS who had the IQ of a turnip and no prospects in life past being a manual labourer. . . Hell no. That was not acceptable.
Feel free to call me a blond version of Elliot Roger.
I had the bad boy phase figured out a couple of decades before the Internet existed. - lol
That is one of the reasons why I am less than receptive to the advances of the bat-winged varicose-veined land whales in my age group. Yes, plenty of women in size 24 tents do their mating dances in front of me while I am working.
When they were 20 they would have told me to FOAD, as they wrapped their legs around Harley MacBadBoy.
By the time that they were 35, they wanted to marry me, because they were 'ready for a good man'. - lol
I took and maintain the view that they can go back to that exciting drunk/stoner in welfare housing who they wanted when they were 20. They made their choice and they deserve each other.
I wonder if it is how beautiful she was, or the fact that she means something else to you? I find attraction is related back to our childhood and who we imagined or were real and attracted to. Thus, there is a deeper emotional feeling for those. our sub conscious mind does the processing and if rejected, it hurts all the more as is a deeper emotion.
There are attractive women that reject me and it hurt. but it hurt 100x more when I thought "she was the one" . Some beautiful women reject me, I don't care at all... because they aren't really attractive to me... and there is no connection.
So I'd reflect on what your thoughts were. Extending the heart out means those emotional tentacles get "chopped off" and it hurts terrible like a missing body part.
Well she rejected me for a guy she cause worse looking then me
then it isn't looks. not everything is looks... her attraction is deep in her mind. part of it is communication, emotional projection, and familiarity. that's most of attraction...
So this literally went against all logic in my Brain I thought girls went for the attractive guys
Throw that logic out and exchange it for emotional understanding of women. They think different than we do. It takes a little work to get into their world view, but that is when you see the light. Sure... they will go for a good looking guy, or one with money or power. It isn't the only factor. Believing that, is a trap that leaves you stuck in some terrible emotional place. I had to learn by suffering and putting in some effort... so will you. If you want the 2cents version... you need to get your inner "man" healed and project your best self, as a man. That may have won her and will win over some %. 
If she didn't mean anything to you other than beauty, then why would it hurt forever? There is something else going on emotionally... Guys hide this stuff deep where we can't even feel it... but that's where the answers are.
Opinion
60Opinion
Dude, 3 years ago? That should not even be on your mind anymore. It doesn't hurt anymore for me than being rejected by an 'average' looking woman.
Because you're emotionally invested in the theoretical outcome that she represents in your mind.
You're invested in a fantasy. What do you really know of the actual human stood in front of you? You project a romance fantasy onto a total stranger, and then cry "oh cruel fates!" when the fantasy dissolves, replaced with the more humbling reality that *she's just a normal human being who has no immediate reason to buy into your fantasy*.
Besides, I've usually found the more attractive women tend to be more kind and gentle in their rejections. Ugly girls often have jealousy complexes about getting "picked last" by men, and take any opportunity to destroy a guy's ego in front of her (hotter) female friends.
No shit? Three years? I’d think getting rejected by the average would sting more. Hell, I remember years ago humoring a gal pal of mine by going to a nearby club, she goes to the restroom and while she was gone this unattractive short round woman walks by me and puts her waving finger up towards me and gives a very audible, “emm mm” in the negative much like her waving ‘no’ finger. It was her waving finger which initially caught my attention and not ‘her’. All I could think was, “I didn’t even notice you till the attention grabbing finger and noise. It didn’t hurt my ego but it did stick with me that someone I hadn’t even noticed made such a display as if she was the hottest shit in heels that night. My gal pal returns I tell her about it. She even has me point her out. She nearly died laughing when she saw her. She knows what I attract...
rejection can make the one rejected feel like they do not look good enough to date a beautiful woman or man and can hurt them so deeply that they may hurt themselves over it too ! which looks are not the only thing that matters anyway ! people should be more concerned with having a good and loving heart , for looks fade but a loving man or woman can last forever ! Thanks
Maybe because you were attracted to their appearance so you tend to ignore what kind of person they are.
Very true
^^^^THIS^^^^
Yes, which means you put a lot of value into that, but maybe you should see other elements that are valuable to you like is that person capable to create a fulfilling relationship with you? She rejected you, then no. Period. Go for another person that can, an by the way you are good enough.
I’m never gonna be good enough to get accepted by a girl. Girls want perfect guys
That’s never gonna happen most girls would mock me for being autistic
Crystal03 - well stated ! thanks
@Crystal03 Facts!
Well, you've got to expect that. Being rejected by unattractive women should sting much more. But the very worst is to be in the situation I'm in. I get rejected by every single woman all of the time. I have no idea what's going on but I have a feeling there's a conspiracy against me. That or I'm completely batshit insane and don't see what I think I see when I look in the
If you care, it hurts. But fundamentally, fuck them (not literally), if they don't want you. Value yourself, as I keep parroting.
I mean, the other thing is, it's an obvious ego (sense of self hit). Rejection as if someone telling you you're not good enough. Or at least, that's how it seems. But she's just not the right person for you.
For the same reason being hit on by a hot girl is more fun than being hit on by an ugly one.
They are hotter therefore have higher standards, and if they are interested in someone like you then it makes you feel good, if an ugly bitch is interested, yeah well they likely will want anyone.
SO when a hot girl rejects you it makes you realize you ain't shit. If an ugly one rejects you their opinion doesn't really matter because they are ugly.
It's like if you lose a winning lottery ticket where you won $2 it wouldn't matter as much as losing a winning lottery ticket where you won a million.
You need to learn that rejection is not really rejection. You were only trying to eat from the wrong kitchen and the food was poisoned.
Women are very complex and often fickle. Most of the time they don't even know why they do the things they do.
So, the lesson, provided you are able to learn, is don't give your power to a fool or you will face the consequences.
No. They're just people too. In fact, too many are way more trouble than they're worth, so figure you dodged a huge bullet.
Practice outcome-independence. This is true freedom, to say and do as you see fit, without regard to outcome. You know in your heart of hearts that no matter how things shake out you'll be just fine. Some call it confidence. And women are drawn to confident men like bees to honey. Money also works. ;)
I never could see myself being rejected by an attractive women. I go for women for who I could see as being equal to me in terms of looks and being equal to the same personality that I have which is shy. If I was rejected by an attractive women sure it would sting if it was an attraction to her and I though of her as the "one" for me and wanted her.
To me it stings no matter what, I've only shot my shot 3 times and I never obsessed over a girl. I've never felt confident with women I don't know y but I always had the mindset that i couldn't get a girl and those few rejections just reinforced that mindset.
Surely it would be the other way round. An "attractive" woman in unattainable. Therefore you wouldn't get your hopes up. With an "average" looking woman you feel you have more of a chance as you're average too.
The more you emotionally invest in something that more it hurts when it doesn't go your way. It doesn't matter if it's a girl, your job, your kids, anything. Hurts basically the same.
Interesting
Yeah I applied for a grad school four years ago and got rejected from all of them. Even to this day I feel sad about it. But it was nothing personal I just made it really important in my head so when I got rejected I feel it more personally. Just don't let one rejection get you down. In the grand scheme of things you still probably have a good chance at whatever it is you're aiming at.
You’re more attracted to them than other women so you feel like you’re losing a better opportunity when you don’t get to date them.
Am I?
Well attractive women are more attractive than average and unattractive women, aren’t they?
Yeah but it shouldn’t hurt this bad happiness is happiness another girl should be able to make me happy
If you’re talking about the blonde you seriously need to get over her. You’ve been posting about your issues with her and your insecurity because of her for way too long.
Did you ever see one of my pictures
Yes 🙄
So she played a big part but there were other girls who impacted me along the way as well. I guess the minute I visualize them with other guys my heart breaks into many pieces
I get that it’s hard when someone you like doesn’t return your feelings or chooses another guy over you but you need to stop obsessing over them.
So one thing I’m guilty of is liking one girl. I am a guy who has only wanted one girl, the lifestyle of dating multiple women or sleeping with multiple women dosent appeal to me. I just want one to give my heart to
Okay, but that doesn’t mean linger on one girl who didn’t want you for an unreasonable amount of time.
Any tips on how not to
Stop talking about her here, first of all.
Sorry :(
@Asker do things that make you happy. Change environment. It can help clear you head. Narrow your focus on what you want and how you will get it.
@Agamogenesis it’s not the environment man right now it’s certain things in general like I bought a bottle of cologne when me and this girl was talking and it was and awesome cologne and I recently got that cologne again but as soon as I smelled it all the memories of her came back like a timeline of events in my brain
@Asker yeah see even something like that is a psychological trigger. You just need to get rid of those triggers rewire your own psychology. Create a set of new triggers with positive memories. It will just drown out the funk you keep rolling in. At least that's what helped me I guess I don't know.
I live this cologne though lol not to mention it draws a lot of compliments
You can only accept that she had a different preference than you doesn't mean that you lack something it means your opinions or compatibility did not match you have to accept that you won't be together but you don't have to sad about it treat it like wonderful dream you only dreamt once and its just a dream be happy the time you spent with her, ofcourse nobody is ever gona be like her to you because that's her value in your life so don't compare take me for instance i had a crush from primary school maybe 1st standard in our education system but it is strong till now rarely got the chance to talk to her or had the guts to but I enjoyed every single moment i was the funny guy in our class I used to make her smile even it was so obvious people knew I like her because it was pure emotions that light up when I saw her every time and she was out of my leauge talented than me ambitious and beautiful a complete package i still look at her profile in FB she is still single and more successful than I am as of now anyways and I know its never gonna happen between me and her and accepted it but i love all the moments that I had with her
This is an easy fix. Put posters on your wall of the type of women you want to date. That alone will end the obsessing.
Then you need to read books about the unrealistic expectations that men and women place on one another and why those desires are at the core of all romantic failures.
In the end you will learn that ALL men and woman are flawed. Once you break the spell of your unrealistic expectations you should be able to ask any woman you choose to be your date and if she is not interested you walk confidently over to the next female.
If you chase a woman she is gonna run. It's just the nature of the beast. Your way ahead to set the table and invite her to join in on the celebration. That is what we humans call love.
So here’s the thing nothing about this situation was normal first she said I was better looking then the other guy she also said I could easily get another girl before him because I’m conventionally attractive he wasn’t secondly I came to her and told her and her response s didn’t match when I told her she was blushing and smiling. Lastly she had to go to him actually she had to have me give him her number
@JimmyQ how was she less dishonest
Try to pay attention to words cause they have meaning.
She used you to get to the other guy. If you think that was the act of an honest person, then you are hopeless.
You need to learn one very important lesson. Women in general are the most sneaky creatures on the face of the planet. If you ever think you can know them fully, you are only fooling yourself.
@JimmyQ but she verbally said I was more attractive then him
So I caught her checking me out a lot
@Asker we have a saying that roughly translated to "who will cry for the one who dies daily " so instead of moving on you keep beating your own Bush you will end up all alone..
@Aakash_Hangargi Agreed.
Asker (25-29) - if you get turned down for a date by an attractive woman , you could ask her what is wrong with you for a date ! if the reason she turned you down is something you can not change , then she was just not good enough for you in the first place ! Thanks
Cuz that blonde was probably more your type , I am a sucker for blondes as well even though I don’t really base hair color off of what I am attracted to but something about a blonde just gets me turned on big time
I would say your expectation was the key factor then the actual attractiveness of said individual. If you had a dreamed out the first date that was flawless of course you would be disappointed if it was quashed at asking for that date.
You have more ego invested with an attractive woman.
With a homely looking woman there isn't as much ego investment, although it may still sting a little.
Interesting
Beautiful attractive women frequently get guys asking them out. When there are a lot of choices, a person starts to get very picky about who they want
Yeah I’m finding that out
Be confident and don’t be afraid to ask. There are lots of beautiful women out there.
For me.
It doesn't.
What you are talking about sounds like some perception hit how you perceived yourself. probably some feelings involved on top of that.
Your selfasteam probably gotten a magor hit. that you aren't good enough.
dont know... perhaps you haven't gotten a handle on the fact there are nearly 4 billion of them... once you realize this it becomes far less upsetting
Have you ever been told someone loves you but treat you good then bad then good, then break up say it's your fault and they don't love you anymore? That doesn't sting, it's an atomic bomb. Good luck out there.
It's like losing the championship finals. It's a loss like all others but you don't always qualify and thout you had a chance this time only to fail so close to the title
You feel like you're missing out on a chance for lust. There are a plethora of average women so its not as big a deal, there will always be another. But a 10 doesn't come along every day so you got your hopes up and thus it stung more.
Because you invested too much into her. If you don't invest too much and ask her out early on, its not as big a deal. Just another rejection, move onto the next one...
It’s not that easy it took everything to ask her out I’m a very shy individual not to mention I haven’t been that close to a girl since that was 3 years ago
Well she was super receptive to me and she felt comfortable around me like I could look at her and not feel nerves this was a really hot blonde. She totally had me believing in myself my confidence was through the roof when we were talking. I felt normal for a change
lol. That's happened to me too. I think since they're so attractive they're just super friendly with everyone because everyone comes up to talk to them, they don't realize it's because they're hot. Either that or they do know it's because they're hot and they are just digging the attention.
Yeah honestly now I’m close to giving up on dating
Was she someone close to you? A good friend? Because if she was just a random beautiful women and this has hurt you beyond a couple of days, let alone three fucking years, then you have severe mental issues.
Blondes want instinctively blond daughters and you're wrong type of guy to offer this specific kind of possible progeny...
... bad luck
Don't goo for most beautiful girl try 2nd best girl infront of her
Most beautiful girl desire that his boyfriend or partner should be smart and wealthy
But 2nd best girl did not has high demands
Try it once I got succeed twice in this
I don't know how most other men feels but for me rejection from any women stings just the same regardless of if she's attractive or unattractive
It doesn't to me, its all the same.
Depending on personality to be fair the more beautiful the personality the harder it is because it makes it harder to say to yourself "well she wasn't that good anyway".
Because you feel like you are denied something you consider to be high value... which makes you feel of lower value.
If you eventually got with an attractive girl, how would you feel about past rejections?
I don’t know they might fade away because all my attention would be on her
In all likelihood he'll discover that she has relied on her looks and has not developed any empathy or personality, after which he might discover that that Plain Jane down the street is 1000% better.
@Liam_Hayden And if Plain Jane was good looking too?
Is that a simp?
Because a huge part of what stimulates the male ego is his ability to seduce women and having one you hold on a pedistool say you ain't enough is a kick in your egos balls
Because we always try to challenge ourself to get the complexities. We find achievement in acquiring complex things and tough challanges whether it's best or not 🙂
I'm not sure. I would think getting rejected by an ugly chick would be more stinging to the self-esteem.
Interesting
Because it’s like telling yoirself you’re not good enough for them
Because you're being superficial and caring about looks above everything else. You're gonna miss your soulmate like that
Because she was fine, and you really wanted it. ...
I saw a girl who I stopped talking to that I used to work with. When we worked together I developed a crush on her and always found reasons to be near her practically everyone in the store knew I liked her. So one day I put my nerves aside and told her how I felt which she replied she didn’t have feelings like that for me that I reminded her too much of her best friend cause he was also biracial. So I just hung my head and tried to avoid her well she ended up going to everyone in the store asking why I was avoiding her and what she did wrong. Eventually we started talking again and she ended up coming over to my house she told me twice that she felt it was meant for her to be in my life. In that moment my heart felt love I kinda wish that she wouldn’t have said that cause that allowed me to let my love for her completely out. But days later she gave me a ride home and told me she wouldn’t date me if I was the last guy on earth. She actually wanted me to give her contact information to another guy we work with and she told me all the things sexually she wanted to do with him. I was extremely hurt and honestly I still haven’t let it go because it’s one of those traumatic events each time I tried to escape she would reel me back in. After she rejected me for the second time I started avoiding her and not talking to her and she goes I’m not gonna leave you alone until you talk to me. So I talked to her and she told all the managers I was harassing her then she proceeded to turn everyone at work against me. I really have been the same since
Mercy, how you let her tease you? Just keep walking
Dude she would let me distance myself
When I did she would come to me
Jesus turned the other cheek- right?
So what was her endgame
I don't know
Like initially when I told her she blushed and turned really red and had the biggest smile on her face
Or she was laughing at you. ..
So what about the part where she came over to my house curled up next to me laid her head on my shoulder and said she felt it was meant for her to be in my life
Could be playing with your emotions
Yeah in that moment I felt in love we were so close together everything just felt so right
Mmm...
Maybe I’m just a gullible fool out personality’s we’re polar opposites she had a wild party girl kind of attitude. I’m a clean cut gentleman who dosent sleep around, I don’t drink smoke or party
Told you- liked it but couldn't bite...
So that was 3 years ago I haven’t had a girl that close since
Mercy... Poor boy, need go to the gents club or something
It didn't sting because she was hot. It stung because she had a crush on you.
How?
Sorry; I meant because you had a crush on her.
I saw a girl who I stopped talking to that I used to work with. When we worked together I developed a crush on her and always found reasons to be near her practically everyone in the store knew I liked her. So one day I put my nerves aside and told her how I felt which she replied she didn’t have feelings like that for me that I reminded her too much of her best friend cause he was also biracial. So I just hung my head and tried to avoid her well she ended up going to everyone in the store asking why I was avoiding her and what she did wrong. Eventually we started talking again and she ended up coming over to my house she told me twice that she felt it was meant for her to be in my life. In that moment my heart felt love I kinda wish that she wouldn’t have said that cause that allowed me to let my love for her completely out. But days later she gave me a ride home and told me she wouldn’t date me if I was the last guy on earth. She actually wanted me to give her contact information to another guy we work with and she told me all the things sexually she wanted to do with him. I was extremely hurt and honestly I still haven’t let it go because it’s one of those traumatic events each time I tried to escape she would reel me back in. After she rejected me for the second time I started avoiding her and not talking to her and she goes I’m not gonna leave you alone until you talk to me. So I talked to her and she told all the managers I was harassing her then she proceeded to turn everyone at work against me. I really have been the same since
WOW! That's really messed up, man. Wtf
Yeah it’s why I have basically given up on dating
Aw man. I'm sorry.
Well, I can understand how going through something like that would be a significant blow. But please realize that that was just an extraordinarily evil woman. I can assure you that they are not all like that.
Well now I think I’m just hideous
Dude, that's not your fault. You don't have to internalize it. She was a bad person. She treated you poorly. It isn't a reflection on you at all.
How was she a bad person?
Dude. Re-read what you wrote and then come back and answer that question yourself.
Was I just really gullible
No. Again, it wasn't your fault.
Then why do I feel like it was?
No rejection should sting I much prefer it to her trying to extract resources from me. It shouldn't
She rejected me for a guy she called worse looking then me
Still shouldn't matter. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? There are probably thousands and thousands of single women within easy driving distance of where you are. Find one who will put you first.
Because you lost the opportunity to reproduce with what your biology saw as a good match.
Basically evolution can make your instinct resent your ego.
Because you want to stick it in attractive women more than other women lol
When you are not attracted to women enough you can think "did you reject me? pfff my ass" but when you rejected by the women that you attracted to it hurts 'cause you care
Lmfao
Rejection from job opening hurts even more 😂
Because it means you can only get ugly women so you feel bad about yourself
How does it imply I can only get ugly women
This is like asking why a bullet is more likely to kill you than stabbing you
She rejected me for a guy she said was worse looking then me
She's trolling you
How?
She's just trying to make you worse
Make me worse like playing psychological games
Exactly just leave and find another girl
So here’s the part I don’t understand she said I was good looking but couldn’t date me and I have posted pictures on here and girls said I was good looking too like I don’t get it
Maybe your not her type personality wise
Ok show me a picture of you and let me tell
A woman has to be able to attract you, before she can reject you!
Probably has something to do with you hyping yourself up for it, and then that fantasy being denied.
'cause it makes you feel like you don't have what it takes (looks, money, etc.) to get a tier one babe.
It’s because you liked whoever not because of how they look other wise you wouldn’t be so hurt I guess
It makes you feel like you can't be with people you find the most attractive, you have to settle.
Because it's a clear line in the Sand: it says, you are not good enough.
I think you have it reversed. Rejection from the average / less attractive stings more
Because you're focused on how great it would have been had you succeeded. You need to approach more.
You get your hopes higher than usual.
And does that blush women away
Simple. Because you give a shit and don't do it as often as the moderate ones.
Maybe because you were attracted to their appearance. :).
Not really.
its expected more from attractive women.
Because you wanted them more
Why can’t I just see them as regular women
And what if they have good personality’s
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