I have dated men from different backgrounds. And I was treated with the most disrespect by my own. I was criticised physically emotionally and subjected to mental games. Below I will list things I can remember what has been said to me from my ex's.
A few of the things black men have told me: You always land on your feet don't you! You have saggy breast. You're an oreo. You listen to rock music, what are you a dyke? You don't know anyone, I can tell you this. You better not have another man in your house I'm coming over. Let's have a threesome, I reckon you can handle it you have a lot of energy. I just want to keep things casual. You're so irritating. You're so lazy. I prefer you bigger. You're so fat, you should come with me to the gym. Your p***y is loose. I couldn't possibly find pick a man I think you would like since you date anyone. You are buying that, how can you afford that? You're only good for sex. I prefer when you wear makeup. Why do you have those dark marks on your face, can I catch it? You have them on your body too. You're not too dark, so we can be together. My mum told me not to have kids with too dark skinned a woman otherwise my kids will come out black... You sure you're Caribbean, why can't you cook traditional food? It's best that you don't buy me gifts since you can't afford what I like. You seem to be getting a lot of attention tonight. (more how it was said) Why are you looking at me like that, don't look at me! I only came here to sleep with you so are you going to make this happen or not? I won't go down on you, I mean why don't you get it waxed I don't like it trimmed. There's no point you meeting my friends you won't understand them. Are you cheating on me? I have a reputation to uphold I prefer my women to be dolled up if you won't do that I can't take you anywhere.
Things my other exs of other races have said: You're really elegant and feminine. If you end up earning more than me would you want me to be a stay at home dad? I have a think for black women always wanted to date one but was scared to approach one. Why is your friend trying to set you up with another man are you some kind of whore? You never put on any weight, I look like a bitch sitting here eating a salad. You are so caring, you care for me like my mother. How many kids would you like to have? You have a lot of love to give you have just been hurt a lot. You are a really kind person, maybe too kind for your own good people only ever walk over people that show kindness. You are a very capable person. I really like you.
I forgot to add two other things my black exs have said. You think your so nice when you wear... I probably wouldn't have dated you if it wasn't for your long hair. I prefer your hair straight, this curly stuff looks like a mop.
Damn i can relate to so many of these from both sets. I’m sorry you sound like you had more bad experiences then good. I’ve had a few bad apples but never let them spoil the whole bunch. I admit the black guys have been a bit more blunt but still, we share this cultural connection that I dont with the others. Sometimes i get tired of hearing the nonblack men say “Am i bug enough for you? Were your black exes bigger than me? Can black women have pink pussies? I love ebony porn, so you're totally my type. You should wear that afro hair instead of having it straight. Do you wear weave like most black girls? Im sure you come from a single parent right? Whatsup my nigga! I can say that right since i date black women? I can date you but i can't marry you so its best i dont bring you home to mom because she's against interracial dating. you're not black! I’d say you're more brown since you're lighter. Wow you’re pretty smart and successful compared to the majority of black women i know. Oh gosh i never wanna make you angry.” Like its soooo exhausting to hear the constant bullshit. The most a black guy ever insulted me was by asking if i’d have his baby although he never wants to marry. Or they said something bad about me not having the perkiest boobs or not having a big enough butt or being built like the early 2000s white girls. But theyve never insulted me enough To make me say the majority of nonblack men treated me better. So I don't know, i’ll just always have a stronger bond/connection with my own
Yea the ones i know date a white girl just to feel successful in having pulled her. They knock em up around here but dont marry them either. So just like nonblack men fetishize over black women in porn, the black men here just love knowing they can turn on a nonblack woman. At the end of the day, the majority not tryna marry either of us. They just want cute babies no matter which race its from
Exactly and that's why for me I think our culture is fucked up. And as a black woman I won't hold down a black man just because. Its not black women that are a problem it's actually black men. They are the ones bringing our culture down. They're the ones that sold us out and continue to even in this day and age. They will take a black woman they don't like use and abuse her then when they are something upgrade to a mixed or white chick. I don't really care about preference but it's goes the other way my most recent guy he was with a white woman (he said he was single) when I found out he tried to justify being on a dating app because he was dissatisfied. That I matched him culturally and mentally which he's not had with a black woman before. He to me sounded like an ass. Using her young self making a home with her when he had no intention of loving her but merely tolerating her because she could create brown acceptable babies and help him maintain his financial and social status. My response to that. You made your bed fucking lay in it! I was what supposed to feel special because he is insulting everything that made her white fuxk off! These dann disrespectful men!
Girl they done ruined their reputation with you bad. I promise there's some single good ones out there. Theyre just hard to come by. Just like they think we’re all gold diggers or angry, the good ones are rare. Just sit back and wait for the right one. Bt at the end of the day, no other race is gonna have your back as good as your own
I'm waiting patiently to see what God has in store for me. I can't be bothered I was in an abusive relationship for close to 10 years. Although my outlook I don't think is wrong I still can see genuine. When it comes to dating people are saying shit like "only if they're earning x amount" my values aren't based upon wealth as money comes and goes and if you're smart you'll be ok
Yea when i mentioned unattractive careers the other day, mine was more based on quality time rather than wealth. As long as he can pay his share of the bills, idc what his job is AS LONG AS its not a job where he works a lot of crazy hours, may possibly end up with PTSD, or have a target out to kill our fam as revenge. Thats why i dont wanna date a lawyer/cop/doctor/military man. And just add in garbage man because it ruins their hygeine in the long run
Lol fair enough. Right now I'd be happy to find a man that actually likes me and take it from there. I realise I was only getting dates because "you've got long hair" "you're not like other black girls" " you're so much more pliable when you're drunk" Since the rise of natural hair and the natural hair growing I no longer a commodity (which I used to protest about not liking) But it's opened my eyes to see that I really don't have a lot to offer at first glance. So hopefully that means the one that does actually seek me out will be ready for my non materialistic flashy ass. Ha what's funny is a young darked skinned black man walked passed me this afternoon wearing a matching navy tracksuit, (not sure of the brand) and the ankle length North face puffa coat. He looked at me, but he actually turned his nose up at me. I was literally just walking up the road.
Yea he sounded uppity. I dont like those type from any race. But yea i still think natural hair looks a hot mess. I’ve been getting perms since age 5 but even before then, my hair didn't look all afro-like. I think fros looked good in its time.. the disco 70s. But i just dont think it looks good these days. I dont like weave either unless its like box braids and stuff. I noticed a lot of girls with natural hair use the hotcomb and i think it looks good when straight. I dont feel its more “white like” like people say. To me, fro-y hair is the equivalent to a white person with frizzy hair. Just fix it. Anyone can use a straightener. It doesn't make you more white/black.
I wear my hair naturally and have done all my life when I was younger I used to wear it in box braid but I never used to add hair because it's heavy it itches and well I don't need to pretend to have longer hair than I actually have. When I got to teens and people used to pick on me for my blemishes and acne mum used to straighten my hair to make me feel better about something. My hair was just above my hip. At school girls used to sit behind me, black girls and keep scissors near. One used to call to me so when id turn it would flip and they would attempt to cut it. In college I started experimenting with hair dye and basically I was called white for trying red pink and blonde. One guy went as far as to tell me he thought I was a dumb sell out. Another I have always in the summer worn my hair in its curly state as I can walk around with it wet and not get sick. Then in the winter months straighten or plait it. Its nothing new. If people thought it looked bad or like a mop I really don't care I wear my hair to suit me. I am still contemplating whether I should get a fringe again. But since we are in the pandemic that might not be a good idea as I want to have it done by my hair dresser. Anyways I don't care what people do to their hair I just hate when people concern themselves with others. If you want to perm your hair go for it. As I said I really couldn't care less. This is what works for me. Any man or woman that wants to hate or praise me for having my hair natural curly or straighten again I couldn't care less. Since people really need to be more concerned about themselves instead of trying to dictate how others live
And whilst we're on the topic, my ex never liked me with a fringe but I still did it anyways. I liked him with his hair cut low but he grew it long, when I started to like it he cut it. Then when he started going to the gym obsessively he lost it all. Did I like it? No did I complain no? Why because its rude. Did I still fancy him yes. That wasn't all that mattered to me. People are too concerned with the external something our slave masters put on us and we are still here in 2021 repeating that crap. People always say its because I have x y z why I'm not fussed. Maybe that's true but I don't want to keep going on about things that really in the end don't matter. Since when we're old we'll all end up with non of the things that helps us catch a man to begin with. Ugh!
Wow your hair sounds nice. And lol no i learned my lesson with perm. My hairs ruined now. Perm worked great for me from age 5 til age 21. However, at 22 my mom permed my hair too many times in one month. Hair broke off really bad and is no longer past my shoulders. I used to have the cutest big buns. Now my buns hardly exist. Its sad but i learned my lesson. Had i known natural hair could jus tbe straightened, i may have given that a shot. But i preferred perms because they fixed my edges. My hair was somewhat crinkly no matter if i had a perm or not. But my hair was never fro-y until i stopped getting perms. I mainly just wear my hair wet and slicked back like below now with edge control. But i miss my long hair
Well if that's how your hair looks now thats nice. I could never wear my hair like that without straightening it first... I cut my hair into a bob in 2016 and it just sits in between my shoulder blades. But that's comfortable for me. It's long enough to wear in a cute pony and short enough to not feel too heavy. What used to annoy me was it snagging, when I would sit on a fabric chair sometimes the hair would rub and get caught up in it. (I guess we can't escape the blackness). Although light it would cause split ends so it never grew past the waist hip. Either way now it's just not practical working in health care washing it all the time due to covid. I already have people asking me how many times a week/month do I wash my hair. I'm guessing now they have knowledge about our hair they think we're dirty! I really think black hair movement profiles on insta etc should be closed.
Yea i like my hair texture because its naturally wavy especially when wet. When it dries, its kinda crinkly like most mixed girls. I dont consider myself mixed since we’re all mixed with something but my great grandma was native American and my great grandpa was jewish. I just hate having short hair. They claim i need to cut it to get it to grow back. But i can't bring myself too. I just really hate how the perm ate it up
I understand. What you're saying. The perm was probably just too strong. Luckily it will recover as it didn't effect the roots. (no bald patches) just be kinder to yourself and hair. I think hair also knows when you love it, hate it. Hurt it (trauma hence breakage) it will grow.
We posed to get perms like once a month. That month she did it 2-3 times 😭 its been 2 years now and its not growing back because i won't cut it. It got thicker but thats it
Its probably less than 20 black women on this site lol. But honestly, i’ll always have this unconditional loyalty to my own culture. Even if the majority of black men seek nonblack women, i’ll just keep searching for the ones who are into us still. Its just something about the way they talk and carry themselves. Plus i like men of different skintones but im like obsessed with my own and i just wanna watch him sweat and melt all over me. Haha, sorry got cared away for a second
Its both ways honestly. Black men and women are losing interest in each other do to several reasons. Black women are no longer having male role models in the family that would tell them what type of man to look for. Black men are no longer respecting themselves and trying to do better so instead there just fucking around. Black women are going after other races because there own are going to prison more due to stupid, easily avoidable reasons. Black men are going to different races because a lot of black women ( not all) are just not a good match up with them anymore. A lot of black women are divorcing more then usual and are no longer trying to make things work. A lot of black men are starting to see a lot of black women as unattractive due to eating habits, lack of care for themselves and many other factors. Black women no longer see black men as appealing because a lot of these men aren't going anywhere. Some black women also tend to think that if he's not doing something crazy then he's not appealing ( note i said some not all). Some black men simply don't like black women and same goes for black women not liking black men and having a different preference on different types of people. I don't mind dating a black women, its just i can't seem to find any and so far a lot of other races are more easily gainable in terms of friendship and then on. A lot of black women to me just aren't attractive, can't cook, controlling in some instances and some are extremely petty. So currently finding a good black lady who can cook, clean, help me with the kids and take a portion of the workload that i am doing to keep the house going is hard ( note i said portion, not all) I don't want a maid, i just want a girl who can help me be better and to help my future kids be better to. Because if i can do everything by myself then why would i need a girl who can't do anything but have sex.
I won hundred percent agree with what you’re saying but I think it also applies with other races though I don’t know how that correlates to black race is compared to other races.
I found myself laughing every time you went back and remind me how you said almost all so many times. The fact that we’ve gotten to this point where we have to repeat over and over again what we meant is just further proof that people of lost the ability to get along.
@VanillaSalt I actually have seen it wish one that is slightly less bad and its the Asian population. So far they have to have a problem with dating in there own gene pool it seems
More Asians for me lmao. Well I don’t date at all anymore. I don’t have much of an opinion of any women regardless of race. All women are like you described. I’m just not down for being cheated on or verbally abused anymore. I won’t and they don’t like that because I’m not alone.
Women these days didn’t have both a mother and father to teach them respect. Such a shame that an entire generation has been ruined.
I don’t think I’m low quality at all but I also understand with what I am now women don’t generally want to give me their time. I was dating with no success for the last 3ish years. But I’ve gotten used to being single now so I’m not as driven to find a woman anymore. With time to clear my head I’ve realized the risk that comes with these women. Any one of them could cry wolf and I’m screwed. I could waste time and money looking for a good one for years and not find an acceptable wife. And even if I found one from today’s statistics marriage doesn’t succeed. And a majority of these divorces are initiated by women. After which in the court system they have all the power.
The negatives women bring are FAR fewer in number and magnitude then the difficulties and risks. Hell if you ask women what they bring to marriage half of them can’t even give an original answer. They tell you stupid things like happiness.
I get not giving up but I have more value able things to direct my ambitions on. Women just ain’t worth that much anymore.
Nah, I mean maybe a lot are not so tribal and whatnot, but if one sees a nice lookin "Black" dude with a good career and a modest personality I'm sure the ones with good values would be more than willin.. I mean I like women period, so I guess I'm all good.. 😅..
Black woman here 🔔 Growing up, I saw that black men were much more interested in dating white girls so at an early age, I lost interest in them. Also, as a young black girl growing up your hair was wrong, your nose was wrong your colour was wrong. Sadly, much of it from other black people with internalised racism.
Black beauty even now is the "other" and never a standard with all this exoticism crap.
Now older and over all that BS, I personally like someone who I can discover so I usually will go for someone who is from a culture different from mine because I get bored easily. My husband is mixed race French and West African.
FOR MARRIAGE, Ipersonally couldn't see my self with a totally white guy.
I’m curious why you couldn’t see yourself with a white guy.
I’m not judging but I have the same personal opinion and I get bitched at every single time I voice it. I’m just not attracted to what most black women in my area act like. I grew up in an area with that type of black woman that you see in the movies always yelling cussing making a scene in a public place to someone on the phone. On top of that I’m not too much of a fan of the rough hair that black women seem to have and I just can’t comprehend woman shaving her head so that she can wear a wig. That comes off during sex no I’m done I can’t go any further.
And again don’t mean anything offensive by it but I’m going to get in trouble for saying what I said anyway so I might as well come out and say it.
@VanillaSalt Your stereotypical opinion and calling of our hair "rough" pretty much sums up why I don't care to have romantic relationships with white men.
My hair is natural or rough as you say. I don't wear a wig. I wash it cindition at style it and prefer to be with someone who can appreciate my texture of hair. I grew up wear there were plenty of loud uncouth sloppy looking white girls that black guys would be falling all over to be with over black girls who were the opposite. Go figure.
I don’t like rough hair and if you have rough hair I’m not interested is there a particular problem with that? No maybe you don’t have the problem of rough hair like some do or maybe it’s something that I could get over. When I was younger I said I would never date somebody that was overweight but after having a relationship with one I don’t see weight as such a issue anymore compared to personality and interests.
I don’t think it’s wrong for me to have personal preferences much like it’s not wrong for you to choose not to date white people because they have those preferences that don’t work in your favor.
At the end of the day our physical appearance is important it’s what attracts people to us it’s what makes the other sex look at us for the first time in the case of women it’s men’s success and how they wear it in the case of men it’s women’s looks their natural beauty how they conduct themselves. But even after all that if you fail it personality if you’re not a good person you will never keep a partner with you for any length of time and that is what Glues the relationship together. Because I see these as two separate things I can see it as possible for someone to bypass the initial attraction stage because they know a person on a personal level and are able to get over the things that they like physically but even still if there is no attraction in a relationship at least somewhat on a physical level I don’t see the relationship as lasting. From experience.
@VanillaSalt So to sum up, most white men only appreciate black women when the mostly fit thwor European idelas of beauty. I. e. light skin. Straight nose. Relaxed or mixed race texture hair. Actually there was a really good study done about it and white men answered anonymously why they didn't lkke balck women. They answered qhat you said and said theybwould date a black girl if she was onlynpart white or didn't look too black. So to sum up, I find most white men have racist attititudes about us -- though they don't like to own it or don't their racism is racism -- and I am as such indifferent to them romantically. Re marriage, white family memebers can often be quite racist while they are often unaware. Even still, many have an issue with their children having black women as romantic partners. I don't need that drama. As friend, certainly!
So what’s the difference between your feelings towards white people and white peoples feelings towards you? You say racism I say preference I’m not holding it against you I’m just choosing not to have you as a partner if that offends you well I’m gonna be straight with you and I mean this in as little disrespect as possible you can go fuck yourself because my preferences will not bend no matter how offended you get.
If you wanna get offended get offended because I get offended that you don’t want someone of my skin color because you assume how things are going to be.
Just because you find it offensive don’t make them racist. No girl I’m done here I’m in too good a mood to be dragged into an argument with some hoe I don’t know calling me a racist.
Black woman here. Staying anonymous to keep the negative and rude comments at bay.
I have nothing against black men: I treat them as they treat me. With that being said, black men typically avoid or do not have any interest in me in terms of dating. As a matter of fact, where I live it's more common to see black men dating other races than dating a black women. That used to bother me, especially since it seems to be a double standard if a black woman dates outside her race! But as I got older, I just learned not to judge who people choose to love or date.
With that being said, I still love and respect black men. However, I also realize I shouldn't limit myself to just dating black men. If a man of another race is interested in me, yes I will date him! Because I'm not going to wait around and only date black men when others want me just as much.
The basic of the basic this is the things that draw us in but the things that keep us are the quality of the woman.
After finding such a woman I’m kind of curious. How do you feel about men being so attracted to such things particularly the feminine part. I think I could for go traditional roles as long as they embody the feminine part and don’t constantly throw around The toxic feminism that’s everywhere today.
Some might, some might not as we are all individuals. Race, skin color, ethnicity doesn't matter to me. If you're cute, you're cute. If I like you, I like you.
Funny enough, black men lost interest in black women a while ago. A study found black men found Asian or white women most desirable, just like the rest of men. Meanwhile, black women were the only group of women who desired black men the most.
I wonder why we can't just see each other as one species (where biologically we ar not divided by race). Why? Skin colour and phenotype should be no concern at all, when looking for a partner.
We shouldn't care about colour but since entire social systems have been structured around this and harmful prejudices breed systemic discrimination, it sadly comes into play over and over agin. Sad.
The majority i know show interest. However, they often wanna make babies but not marry. A lot of the blck women i know will move him in and they’ll stay “engaged” if even that for 8+ years. I’m not shacking up until i’m at least engaged. And even then, we’d still have separate places until we marry because if we not married in less than a year of being engaged, we’re over and he's moving bacj out. I dont have time to waste. A lot of nonblack men are ready to marry... their own. They also say dumbshit like “oooh we’d make pretty mixed babies” but they ain't talking about marrying outside their race. Most will say mama won't allow them too. I dont want a mamas boy who can't think for himself. Still, i have a stronger connection with my own ethnicity and will give them more of a chance then most nonblack men
Yes, black women are giving up on black men, because black men can't get their shit together and just blame everyone else for their shit.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Any POC who uses the term #WhitePrivilege should consider only dating non whites because once those words come out of your mouth the relationship is over.
Maybe time to consider giving those black brothers another chance at you
@Psychosocial well we certainly don’t want to be with guys who hate us. Plenty of men hate women. So fuck them. Men’s rights groups promote it. Just like feminists promote hate. Fuck you and fuck them.
I’m on the opposite side though I feel that women are the hateful ones.
I don’t respect women anymore than I respect random strangers anymore it used to be that they got a lion share of respect simply for being women but I don’t think that that’s fair in today’s world. I’m not willing to shovel out on due respect for somebody that has so much privilege that I don’t. Why both sides have their own privilege women are gaining more and more power while retaining all of the privilege they had before and I do not think that that is right.
For instance women get one sided treatment in court systems especially Family Court and divorce hearings. Not only that women control a majority of the access to sex relationships and children. But they’re still gaining extra power while retaining all of these privileges.
I think if women want to be considered equal to men and want to have all the privileges of men they should also have the same responsibility. They should have to work long hours and hard jobs they should have to pay for half of every date they should have equal representation to men in family court and in child custody hearings not preferential.
I was about 10 years ago I was homeless I had to bring myself from nothing to where I’m at today which is a successful job I make enough money to Live comfortably. I have my own place my own vehicle I’ve got a few extra pounds at all I’d like to have but overall I’d say I’m pretty average looking even though I’m short 5’ 7”.
And yet despite this I have been completely unsuccessful in getting a date in the last three years. Mind you I haven’t really been trying over the last year because of the Covid and quite frankly societal change in women over the few years. On top of that my experiences with women up to this point has been less than stellar with three cheaters out of three relationships I’m pretty pathetic excuse for a mother and only a handful of decent female role models.
So you could say I’m probably one of these people they don’t think very highly of women and with the insanity in the news today I don’t think very highly of most people. But at the very least people will get the basic respect from me and that includes women. If you want that special respect that a good woman gets you got to show me you’re a good woman or I’m just not willing to go that extra mile for you and yes I know this works very much against me.
Why should you get some form of special treatment? Because you got a vagina? All these rights women fight for. Are they willing to give up a privilege for every right?
If you want an example. Special treatment in custodial or divorce courts. Would you be willing to work hard dangerous jobs with long hours? Would you be willing to pay for your half? Pursue men instead of wait for them to pursue?
There was a time I thought women were to be protected and cared for. Now I know your just human. You want equality well equality comes at a price. Loss of privilege for instance.
@VanillaSalt we don’t get special treatment. Also you’ve already said how much you hate women, even women like me that does everything for her fiancé and family. Because of one woman yoh damn me. I think since the playing field is evening out men like you feel like they are getting privileges taken away. Yoh aren't , you’re just expected to treat others as humans that you cannot abuse. You have admitted you abuse women and that you hate them. All you are is a spoiled bitch who doesn’t deserve the privilege of human interaction.
@VanillaSalt I do work and most places don’t hire women for anything besides clerical around here. Shame on you for putting down nurses who risk their lives though. Also, you talk about being discriminated against in working in childcare. So don’t give me garbage about heavy lifting. You’re a missing link. The more hate you give, the more you will receive. That’s likely what happened in all your relationships. Special treatment? Oh yes I love getting raped and assaulted just for using the restroom. I just love that the only women move up is to be forced into sex with guys like Matt Lauer. I absofuckinglutely love that I can never come forward with assault of rape charges without my life being ruined and receiving death threats from bums like you. I love being objectified all the time and treated like an animal up for auction. I love that I cannot travel by myself without being hurt. I love that rapists get maybe a fine and a couple years in prison. I love that I don’t get the education or opportunities that men get. I love that people like yoh are such sorry excuses and lazy asses that you attack people weaker than you are, women. You deserve to be alone, for all good people’s sake.
@VanillaSalt damn straight women should fight for their rights. No we shouldn’t give up privileges that should be undeniable to people. Sorry you have to get along with others besides cats. This is real life. Go hide in your basement while gma tells you you can do no wrong. Be alone.
@VanillaSalt that’s mainly because of other men murdering men though. It’s just terrible. But your hatred is inly making you miserable and making everyone hate you. Bye. I still stand by what I say.
According to posts like this, some people must think that the world population is 7 people.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
The reason they're complaining and bitching because all the black guys are chasing all the woman outside of their races. Especially white women. Problem solved!!
Tbh ( to be honest) dick don’t make up for personality and character for a long lasting relationship. Relationships that last 50+ years that’s currently unheard of in today’s society
@R3dthstdude I agree. What makes the relationship last is friendship but some men prefer to tear a woman down instead. Noone needs that. And if it's coming from a man who can satisfy her in bed, provide financially or contribute to anything including her well being what's the point in holding on to him?
This is a good point. Not many black men are doing online dating and i definitely matchup with them better in person. Online its mainly just white/Asian/Spanish. And we connect/vibe but its not often longterm like that connection with your own race
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