Does this guy like me?

[Anonymous]

For the past few weeks I have been going to a super busy coffee shop where a lovely man works. He is always very friendly, asks about my day, tells me it is good to see me, always remembers my name, and I just get a vibe that he likes me. I felt this instant connection, but it is hard for me to tell whether he is just friendly because he is Brazilian or whether it is more. I am 31, and haven't dated in a while and not sure whether I am looking too much into it? This morning he ran over to grab my coffee and hand it to me, and tell me to have an amazing day... How can I tell if he likes me? Am I reading too much into this?

[DaveJord]

Well honestly in this situation it is difficult to say, because you encounter him at his place of employment and he has to careful about being accused of harassment.

So the onus in on you to make a move. To me it sounds like he is being and great employee, and it could be more and it could be nothing.

But its obvious to me that he has done enough to express that he might be interested without crossing any lines. The next move is really on you. So instead of wasting all this time getting inside your own head over this, you should slip him your number and ask him to give you call sometime if he is interested.

It seems to me you are interest in the possibility with him, and you have to know by age 31 that the risk of rejection is just part of the dating process. So find some courage and take that leap. Guys are expected to do it all the time... but this is this guys job and you can't expect him to risk crossing the line with a costumer. When you as costumer have nothing to lose in taking the next step. Its 2022 and guys expect women to take more responsibility for their part in the dating process.

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your reply! You are definitely right. I don't want it to be awkward to have to see him every morning when I grab my coffee if I ask him out or slip him a number and he isn't interested... I guess I'll have to find a new coffee shop? LOL It is very possible that after 2 weeks or so, he could just be doing a great job at work and is friendly. As a man, is there anything that I can say or do to show my interest in him without full out giving him my number and asking to call? Thanks !!

[DaveJord]

Sure you can ask him what his interest are, and start more casual conversation with him. But to be honestly you have to understand that he is at work... so he can not linger too long at your table or cause himself any work problems. But ask him what he does for fun and then imply that you would be interested in doing something like that, but its so hard to get out by yourself.

Then let it go from there. I get your point about making things awkward... but your kind of in this awkward place yourself. As a guy I have found myself in your position many times... and the expectation is that the responsibility is on the guy. But the longer you wait the more likely he will start thinking your not interested and he will get into his own head and start thinking he's being creepy, when in reality he is just waiting on any clear sign from you that your are interested. So this where most relationship die when on or the other can not get the courage together to just ask someone one out.

He's probably thinking to himself right now, is she only coming in here for the coffee or is there a real possibility that she might be in to me. And he has no idea what he should do about it given the situation... but if you did something he might start taking a more active role. When as a guy I decide to take action I do so with the believe it will fail, so when it doesn't I feel good about it and when it does I don't feel bad about it because it was most likely a long shot from the start.

As a guy I would take the leap and if she rejects me I would not feel bad, or change coffee shops I would just consider the deal closed and go about my regular business and if she changes her mind later she will let me know some how or never. Either way I know its not a missed opportunity that I failed to follow through or up on... it was just not meant to be. This happens to men about 9 times out of ever 10 times we try.

[Asker]

Thank you, I love your approach. Tomorrow, I will probably try to ask him what he is doing for the long weekend and imply that I don't have any plans etc. I may even throw a feeler out there and suggest that we connect on social media. If after this he still doesn't try to connect with me, I will clearly understand that he is just a friendly person. I honestly feel so awkward and out of place... Typically I can tell if a guy is interested, but not this time around. For some reason his positivity, and kindness has really made an impact on me. Thanks for your help, I will let you know tomorrow :)

[DaveJord]

Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you for your honesty. I agree with you completely, in fact I am at a point in my life where I am ready to settle down with a person who is more settled than a coffee shop employee. This guy could very well be in school just starting his career path and could be a few years younger than I as well. It doesn't seem like a good match. I may just go by tomorrow and ask what he is doing for the long weekend, and see if he wants to connect via social media and see whether I read the situation wrong in general. Honestly, i've never had to ask a guy out... its quite weird, but if i make a new friend thats more than ok too!

[DaveJord]

Nothing wrong with seeing where it goes and having some fun. I never ask a women out with the intention of getting married, but you never know and everyone likes to have a little fun. Might actually get you in a place that will allow you to find the right guy eventually and stop your self from becoming and complete introvert. I joke, about the introvert thing, but it is fun to be out there and getting some attention, practice your skills.

I went on 17 online dates before I found my current girlfriend, and yes I went on dates I would not of years previously... but I had fun and it lead to who I am with now... so who is to judge who for what? Each time it got easier to get on to the next one instead of stressing over being alone.

Good luck and enjoy, and stay safe.

[Asker]

Well he didn't work today, so I guess ill have time to ask about something on Tuesday then! :) Thanks for your help!

[Asker]

Hi there! Thanks so much for your thorough response and help, today I looked him up and found that he is married haha I guess that explains his flirting and lack of action to ask me out. Thanks again!

[DaveJord]

Ahhhh... that explains it! 😆

[2log10x]

It sounds like he is interested in you. At the very least he is flirting with you. I would assume he flirts with other women too, although that doesn't mean he isn't into you too. As guys we're into any hot girl if single. What you do know about him is that he's relatively poor (unless a student) due to his job but good looking and an extrovert. If you want some fun then flirt a bit back. If he responds by flirting back then you could give him your number. He won't be able to give you his as he could get fired.

[Asker]

Thanks very much. It is hard to tell whether he is being friendly or flirting, he has never given me a compliment or tried to ask me any questions about myself... I asked where he was from and he said "Brazil", and didn't ask me anything back, so I could be just seeing things that aren't there. Is there anyway that I can flirt without straight out giving out my number? It is hard to talk to him because this location is filled with people and he is constantly busy, and our chats and encounters are very brief. So I might have to figure out what to say and say it quickly LOL

[2log10x]

Firstly my advice would be to forget him and get Tinder or something if you want fun. Because he's unlikely to be your forever after. You're in your 30s and you're chasing a guy who works in a coffee shop that you know nothing about. If you were my sister I would tell you to aim higher than a coffee shop worker, regardless of your own education/career. Women should aim up. But if you want him, you may have to seriously step outside of your comfort zone and do something you feel uncomfortable with. Either add him on Facebook/IG etc (if you know his name from his badge etc) and then start chatting to him. Or make it crystal clear in his mind when you go into the shop that you fancy him and are interested. When guys KNOW a girl is into them, they will return the signal, especially if the guy has confidence which it sounds like this guy has. Another option is to say something to his colleague if one is working on the shop floor cleaning or something. Like "Hey do you know if Roberto is single?". They will tell you. Also, they WILL tell Roberto you asked them this. Then see how he acts when you next see eachother.

[Asker]

Thank you, you're absolutely right, at this point in my life I am settled and would want more commitment and something more substantial than a fling with a coffee shop employee. I guess I feel odd to have to ask a guy out because I've never had to do it... I will most likely just about his long weekend plans tomorrow and see if he wants to connect on social media. If he doesn't really seem receptive I will just remain friendly and leave it at that. Hopefully i can make a new friend. I can typically read men, but for some reason I can't read him?

[Asker]

Well he didn't work today, so I guess ill have time to ask about something on Tuesday then! :) Thanks for your help!

[Asker]

Hi there! Thanks so much for your thorough response and help, today I looked him up and found that he is married haha I guess that explains his flirting and lack of action to ask me out. Thanks again!

[SueShe]

Given his ethnicity, it is reasonable to assume that he is interested in you.

People from South America, the Caribbean and the Mediterranean areas are the kind of people that have this urge to flirt with anyone and everyone.

I would be careful because

1. If he is flirting, he is probably infringing company rules that state that employees are not supposed to flirt with customers.

2. There is a fine limit not to cross between flirting and being extremely polite.

I would try to keep my distance with this guy because giving him the wrong signals may put him into trouble with his management. Furthermore, those kind of people are not interested in a relation but only casual meetings for you know what.

[Asker]

Thank you this is super helpful! I was a bit cautious about his potential intentions, and this is helpful. I wasn't sure whether I was just looking into it way too much..

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO

[Asker]

Thanks for your help!

[Asker]

Hi there! Thanks so much for your thorough response and help, today I looked him up and found that he is married haha I guess that explains his flirting and lack of action to ask me out. Thanks again!

[SueShe]

Glad you could settle this story and that you are informed about him. At least you know now and you are forewarned.

[wa1t1ngFuture]

to be honest you have described a man many women dream of. you will be lucky if you can get it. Nowadays many handsome men are starting to like ordinary/normal or unattractive women. times have started to change.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Anything is possible & if he is working for tips he might like you more.

[Asker]

He doesn't make tips, but I dunno... I assume that if a guy likes you he will ask you out even on the job? LOL

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As I said anything is possible so grab a cup of coffee again & keep us informed.

[Asker]

Haha thank you! I

[Avicenna]

He probably does have some interest

[Asker]

As a man if you're interested in a woman, would you ask her out even if it is at work?

[Avicenna]

Yeah, that would not deter most guys

[Asker]

Thanks! Seems that if after 2 weeks of saying him seeing me and chatting with me briefly, if he was interested he probably would have asked for my number by now...

[In_Trance]

Maybe