Is It Normal That Your Date Doesn't Remember You Taking Him/Her To A Special Place?

[Anonymous]

I met a woman on an online dating site. She was an attractive woman and she told me up front that she is dating a lot of different men.

Once a week I would take her to a nice restaurant and we would chat. I liked her and she seemed to like me.

To celebrate her birthday, I took her to one of the most expensive and beautiful restaurants.

4 weeks later I told her I enjoyed taking her to that restaurant and it was a special moment.

She looked puzzled and said she doesn't remember me taking her there. She said several men have taken her to that restaurant but she didn't realize I took her there.

Would this bother you? Or would it be normal since she is dating a lot of different men?

Updates

+1 y

I guess what bothers me is how come she remembers these other men taking her to this expensive and beautiful restaurant and not me?

[Avicenna]

I don't see how that wouldn't bother a guy after he thoughtfully planned to go there and took her there. But the underlying problem here is that he treated her the way a guy treats a woman he's in an exclusive relationship with rather than one he dates casually because she's dating other people as well.

Personally, as soon as she had said she was dating lots of other people as well, I would have moved on. It was obvious she was going to continue doing that and that any one guy was just a number to her.

[Asker]

In one of my Psychology Relationship classes, the assumption was that you can always tell how much the other person likes you is by the amount of time that person spends with you. So we would spend several hours together eating and chatting. I could only assume that she liked me, even though, she was dating other men. She was honest and told me this upfront. It's hard for me to imagine that she saw me just as a "number" because of all the time she has spent with me.

[Avicenna]

Well, it's generally true that a woman likes you if she spends a lot of time with you, but in this case, it's not indicative of that because the reason she "likes" you (and other guys) is that you take her nice places and spend money on her. If she liked you, the person, she wouldn't be going on dates with lots of other guys. That particular fact invalidates the normal assumption of her liking you. And that's confirmed by the fact that despite spending all that time with you, she couldn't remember you taking her to that nice restaurant.

At the end of the day, what are you getting out of this other than her company? If she's having sex with you, then I can understand, but if she isn't, she isn't worth your time.

[Asker]

There is no sex or intimacy involved.
I guess "normal" people behave a certain way in relationships and people who use others are not "normal." A "normal" person would spend more time with you and develop bonds. A person who uses you can spend lots of time with you and not develop any bonds. They just view you as someone who is giving to them. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that concept.

[Avicenna]

OK, so you thought that she was trying to develop a bond with you because she spent so much time with you. I can see how you might think that, but to me the fact that she was still going on dates with other guys tells me up front that she either was not sold on you or she was just using all of you. If she had after a while, maybe after at least 4-5 dates wanted to go exclusive, then I'd say she was just doing some due diligence, which is fine.

Did you at any time want to go exclusive with her?

[Asker]

I did think about that but something inside was telling me it wasn't a good idea.

She told me that she has several male friends (not dating, just friends) that were generous and kind towards her. I asked her to explain. She said one male friend drove her to work for two days while her car was in the garage getting repaired, even though the drive was way out of his way. A male friend at work drove her home although he lived on the other side of the city. Another male friend, who works 60 hours a week, bought a 4 bedroom 2.5 bath house. He told her she could rent a room, which had it's own bath, for a fraction of the price she is paying for her apartment. She is seriously considering it but the problem is that the house is over 1 hours drive from her work.

I wasn't able to match these men's kindness and generosity.

[Avicenna]

Well, assuming she didn't have sex with any of these guys, they were not merely generous friends- they were simp orbiters that were hoping she'd have sex with them. She's obviously well-experienced at taking advantage of guys and for her it's probably more lucrative than partnering up with just one guy. As long as she doesn't have sex with them, she doesn't have to commit and gets all sorts of stuff. That would explain why she goes on all of those first dates- she gets all sorts of money spent on her.

The only mistake you made here was doing this for too long. You should have asked for exclusivity at some point and if she wouldn't go for it, you should have moved on. The orbiters would also have been a concern. And no way should she have had a male roommate while dating you exclusively, by the way.

In the future, don't be blinded by a woman's hotness if what you want is an exclusive relationship. Date the most attractive woman who is compatible, not the hottest one that will let you spend all sorts of money on her.

[Avicenna]

Thanks for the MHO

[Guy13]

pretty people, whether they model or not get that crap all the time. It bores them endlessly from what they have told me. Central Park or Commonwealth and Beacon Hill, bread, street flowers, and a Popsicles is a memory never forgotten...

[Asker]

But how come she remembers these anonymous people taking her to this place but not me? She said that she never goes on a second date with all these men she has met. We've seen each other many 20 times.

[Guy13]

There's a positive correlation there. To be outside of the masses is to be forgotten as One of them (20 dates). Know a blessing. Bringing it up is probably not a good idea. You are free to use idea above but you'll need some corny jokes and pigeons, birds, and cats worked well... if boys don't stick together then death by Feminists...

[Anonymous]

She could be busy.

I'm quite busy and have so many important things to think about, so I don't remember half of the things my wife says we did.

[Asker]

I this girl is so busy why doesn't she forget that these other men have taken her there? Why is it just me she forgets?

[Opinion Owner]

You may be lackluster

[Asker]

If that be the case, why is she even going out with me on a regular basis? Why not go out with these other men instead?