Lonely Men, Why is it their Fault for being Unpartered?

Question

Psychology Today just released an article called, "The Rise of Lonely, Single Men." They basically blame men for this issue stating dating apps, relationship standards, and skills deficits as being things that men need to go all-in to solve.

The problem I see is that the whole premise is squarely blamed on the men, like there are all these great available single women just ready to receive all these "Fixed" men who just need to learn how to really use dating apps, and know how to invest in a relationship and get the necessary skills to be in a relationship.

How can a guy be in a relationship, if he can't even get a date, either organically meeting someone or on a dating app? There is now like 30% of men under age 30 who are virgins and have never been a date in the U. S. and Europe.

What about the rise of the Incel Nation of very upset young men who were told just get in shape, just get some game, get a good job, buy some clothes, get a car, get some plastic surgery if your face is not ideal, meet and spend thousands with PUA coaches who teach skills to get a date, and after all their efforts, these guys are rejected.

And the author brought up his TikTok channel where he talks to all these girls who complain that there are no good men around. All these guys are just not it. They need to learn how to communicate and discuss their emotions with these women. Ironically many guys try to be that emotionally sensitive guy and they often become a friend, not a romantic partner. It seems women want the friend, but they are still attracted to the bravado and masculine guy who feels strong and confident.

Overall this whole idea the whole problem of men going alone, and living lonely puts all blame on them. Do you agree that all these issues are on the man? Does he run the risk of going all-in to come out an Incel one day?

Lonely Men, Why is it their Fault for being Unpartered?

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

Part of it is- but only part. As a society, we still haven't really accepted that a woman can affect the world in the same way, and to the same degree, that a man can. While this isn't a conscious decision, it's rooted in the idea (and, to be blunt, the reality) that wom*e*n and m*e*n WILL not affect the world in the same way, or to the same degree, but the great mass is MADE of individuals, and nothing but.

As with pretty much every disparity in attitude towards the sexes, it has it roots in biology, with the predictable outcome in sociology: men get respect, women get empathy. If things fall short for women, not only is the sympathy large, the calls for them to be the ones, or even SOME of the ones, to make changes are shouted down; how can you expect THEM to alter reality to suit their desires? They're just WOMEN! That's MEN'S work! And in the unlikely event you hear anyone address it, that'll be the way it's phrased, as sexism against women- which IS part of it, of course, but the sexism against men is, as usual, totally ignored.

We didn't evolve to have our women be the movers and shakers of the world, because that means taking an insane degree of risk, and losing too many women dooms your whole group, because of the realities of human reproduction. Okay. But it extends to an absolutely ludicrous degree- society says "It's wrong for a woman to ask a man out", which I think you'll agree is an activity with VERY small chance of getting her killed, because that's a form of assertiveness, and that gets frowned upon. The great political front of "Women's Liberation", which supposedly grants social permission for assertiveness, really only allows women to put themselves into the workforce and take on men's traditional provider role- then forbids them from pointing out that this isn't really "liberation", just putting yourself under a *different* form of bondage (and not the kinky fun kind).

So we've got women acting like men, which doesn't appeal to men. We've got men increasingly acting like women, which doesn't appeal to women. But telling EITHER group "you're doing it wrong" gets backlash. What's to be done? Well, in the short term... I dunno. As individuals, we can reflect, and contemplate, and change our ways- I've said it before and I'll say it again: our society gives us too many princesses, and not enough philosopher-queens- but that doesn't change broad social trends, at least not on a decent timescale. In the long term, the answer is clearer: we need to accept three unpopular realities. First, that gender roles are not bad- what we DO with them might be, and often is, but that's not an inherent aspect. Second, that while they ARE a social construct, they're an outgrowth of biological realities- they're not artificial, and insisting that they are is only going to lead to more unhappiness. Third, and perhaps most important, they're not absolute. Do men want feminine women? Mostly- but they don't want someone who's afraid of her own sexual desires and obsessed with propriety. Do women want masculine men? Mostly- but they don't want someone afraid of his own emotions and obsessed with sexuality. View the social guidelines as DEscriptive, rather than PROscriptive, and many of the problems go away.

Unfortunately, this requires real effort from BOTH sides of the aisle, and the modern ideological trend of victimhood worship is making both men AND women more passive.

Curmudgeon · Accepted Answer

"The problem I see is that the whole premise is squarely blamed on the men, like there are all these great available single women just ready to receive all these "Fixed" men who just need to learn how to really use dating apps, and know how to invest in a relationship and get the necessary skills to be in a relationship."

Spot on, the quality of women has declined sharply, and young women themselves do not know how to be in a fair give and take relationship, although that does change as they get older and learn they cannot thrive or even survive on their looks anymore. And the men who make such claims about other men are "SIMPS' and "pussy beggars". Disregard them.

"And the author brought up his TikTok channel where he talks to all these girls who complain that there are no good men around. All these guys are just not it. They need to learn how to communicate and discuss their emotions with these women. Ironically many guys try to be that emotionally sensitive guy and they often become a friend, not a romantic partner. It seems women want the friend, but they are still attracted to the bravado and masculine guy who feels strong and confident."

Bingo again. They SAY they want the nice guy, but they lie. A classic 2010 post from Craigslist: "What happened to all the nice guys? YOU did..."
https://theamericanmercury.org/2010/09/what-happened-to-all-the-nice-guys/#:~:text=What%20happened%20to%20all%20the%20nice%20guys%3F%20The,seemed%20to%20want%20to%20spend%20time%20with%20you.

So what do you do?

1. Develop your own interests, especially adventurous and intellectual ones, although outdoor sporting activities and traveling are great too. If you happen to find a lady along the way who shares these interests, awesome sauce, but do it for yourself, rather than just the hope of that serendipity happening.

2. Take care of yourself physically. I know it is tempting to "let yourself go", since women are not interested, but you are just making that possibility and certainty when you do that, AND you are making your life shorter. As I hit middle age, I have seen the satisfying quiet revenge of watching peers who were abusive jerks have their pasts catch up to them, and they have ways of dying off early (from drug addictions to violence), or at least I have seen them put themselves in situations where their economic lives are pathetic.

3. Save, save, save, and invest, invest, invest. Exercise caution in not falling for investment scams, which will often be pitched to you by "attractive ladies" (who are not even real at times) who sense your loneliness and want to exploit it. But understand that money you cannot spend on chasing girls - is money you can put into good securities and real estate. You are an oldster like me I see, but it is still not too late to start at 51, but you DO have some catching up to do maybe.

purplepoppy · Accepted Answer

Completely illogical. If the population is 50/50 is then you should have an equal number of single women. And contrary to what incels tell you woman aren't just going for 7ft tall muscular millionaires with giant dicks, a walk through any town dismisses that myth.

What's changed is women no longer feel they need to get married ASAP. The days of leaving school and grabbing a hubby so your not a social out cast are in the distant past. Women are no longer financially dependent on men and are no longer just stay at home housewives reliant on a man for support.

It's not men's fault, its just a change in society and that's no one's fault

MCheetah · Answer

I think men being alone (me being one of them) is a mix of several issues with society: Feminism turning women into hateful people, social media narcissism, dating apps inflating women's egos, simp culture and OnlyFans, hookup culture and cheap empty sex with strangers, being overworked in certain jobs, an entire generation having grown up on the internet and not knowing how to interact with real people anymore, and so on.

Men nowadays are put into one of four categories: Incel (short, unattractive, submissive, and not liberal), Male Feminist/Beta Male (short, unattractive, submissive, and liberal), Chad/"Toxic Male" (tall, attractive, and confident, who women claim not to want, but still end up sleeping with anyway), and Imaginary (the literally perfect 10/10 man that doesn't exist, that every other woman thinks she's entitled to, nowadays.)

I mean, sh*t; if women have and always have held the power in dating, and most men are single nowadays, then who's fault is it then? Can't have all the power, and then blame someone else when things are awful. Also, it's women who control Hookup Culture, since we all know women are the gatekeepers to sex, as well. If they don't like the modern dating scene, then why do they continue to add to its downfall with all the Tinder booty calls?

Again, it's not that it's solely women's fault, cause that ain't true. But they hold most, if not all the power, in dating. Why would it be the fault of the men? Because they can't/won't "step up" for a woman who's asking for more than what she has and isn't worth such time and effort anyway? I thought women wanted "equality" in society? Now they complain that not enough men are higher earning and wealthier than them? And that that's their fault somehow? Yeah, f*ck that. They can die alone, for all I care.

As for why am I single? Short and ugly. It's that simple. Also, I don't simp to women or kiss their asses. So while some short or unattractive men can find someone (usually extremely low quality women even shorter and uglier than they are), they usually have to simp and beg in order to be with them. And that ain't me.

Psychology Today can kindly get f*cked. Especially if the author has a f*cking TikTok.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

It’s ALWAYS been this way. Never noticed that everything that’s wrong in the world is men’s fault? Ell oh ell! The premier characteristic of women since the beginning of recorded time is a complete lack of accountability. This is why women literally NEVER apologize for anything while simultaneously complaining that they complain nonstop. Ell oh ell! This is never going to change. Men have to either deal with it or go their own way.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Nearest I can tell, it's not! Girls have shit taste in men so, if you're not interested in beating the shit out of her regularly, she's just not interested in YOU!

hahahmm · Answer

The problem with women is the more you worship them, the worse they treat you & too many dudes worshiped women. Now these women collectively look down on 90-95% of men. They're deluded & think they're too good for the average man.

Anonymous · Answer

A few reason why

They are scared of women

They worship women/Respect women to much.

They aren't many and was coddled to much.

They aren't in shape.

They beat their meat watch porn play video games and social media all day.

a lot of them are content with relationship inside their head.

Look at Japan and south Korea same thing

Juxtapose · Answer

This below pretty much sums it all up:

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

No its not our fault. Society wants to blame us ourselves by the old phrase "man up and be responsible"

Zolly99999 · Answer

Today's society has a big part in this.. and it's not just men. Women are feeling it too.. fortunately women have a much easier time getting a guy... vs a man getting a women.

The internet, TV, movies , porn play a big role In this.

Anonymous · Answer

It isn't it's a societal pointer to reduce birth rates before eventually moving to cull them under the radical branch of feminism

moviedude714 · Answer

I wonder if the US is heading in a similar direction that Japan is in

Anonymous · Answer

well cases like this will always be male-dominated due to the unfairness of men always being expected to make the first move and ask the girl out

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

seems like his problem

Lonely Men, Why is it their Fault for being Unpartered?

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