Would you stay with someone for 2 years + if you weren’t in love? If so, why?

[Anonymous]

[ManOnFire]

I would not. Unhappiness with another person is not something I have a lot of tolerance for. I can't live in a situation like that, and would much rather be alone than to wake up everyday unhappy with somebody or even having anxiety that I'm going to have to deal with this or that from them. The last thing I want to think about is how someone is draining my energy.

Because of my own past and upbringing, it's crucial for me to have as much peace and happiness as possible in this life I have left.

[Asker]

I completely agree. What if you weren’t unhappy though, but just not in love…

[ManOnFire]

That's a good question. And I think there are a lot of couples who are like that. They're not unhappy with each other, but not really in love anymore. They might be in some kind of place of just liking each other in a friendly or family way.

And this place COULD be part of the growing process of a relationship. Or a result of a spark missing and could be solved by both people trying to reignite things. Or the result of two people not learning MORE about one another. It's hard to say. This place could also last for some years before a fiery desire comes back. Or it may never come back.

I think after 2+ years I wasn't feeling in love anymore, I would first examine why I'M feeling that way, because if I'm not unhappy but I don't love her, then something has to be going on with me.

[Asker]

That’s a really insightful answer, thank you.

[ManOnFire]

"Anyone can fall in love. Staying in love, however, demands commitment, accountability, intention, patience, communication, creativity, grit and awareness. Staying in love is another skill set." - Jillian Turecki

Also check out her Instagram page @jillianturecki

[Asker]

Couldn’t agree more

[Asker]

Do you think people date for 2 years + if they’re not thinking about a serious long term thing?

[ManOnFire]

I think most people are like that, yes. They started dating and liked where it went but didn't really think about anything long-term, but found themselves together for longer than they thought. I don't think most people really consider a serious long term thing.

[Asker]

That’s interesting. I think most women think long term.

[ManOnFire]

They might. But don't exactly think about all the deeper things of a serious long term thing. They generally think about all the cutesy stuff, or can see what's wrong with a guy but choose to get into the relationship with him anyway thinking they can change or fix him, so they end up in a bad situation by their own doing.

[Asker]

What deeper things do you think they miss?

[ManOnFire]

Things like:
- you love him but do you LIKE him? There is a difference.
- if you have kids with the guy, what kind of father will he be if you already think there are things he needs to change?
- how do you think he will treat you when you get older?

Things like that.

[Asker]

I think lots of women do think about those things, I know I do.

[ManOnFire]

Maybe.

[Still-alive]

i definitely wouldn't but i know people who would because they fear loneliness THAT much.

[likelyOK]

I did I would not recommend it it’s not fair to either of you. I like stability and routine and it’s hard for me to start over again. And honestly the dating scene can be so scary and annoying I’m always afraid to go back out there it feels like so many people are trying to hook up so many thirsty guys and commitment issues.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Yes, I wouldn't mind being with someone who I loved no more than a friend. Especially if I'm married with kids with them, I believe love is something that fades and therefore must be worked on.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

No, I don't play games nor fake my feelings.. if we don't lick I'd rather communicate it to him. Just to save our time as well.

[Asker]

I agree. I’m thinking people may change that perspective as they get older though, and I bet settling is the reason for a lot of affairs.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

Oops! I meant *click 😂 typo, haha..

[SeriouslyFunny00]

I agree with you. I've seen lots of situations similar to that.. 😪

[richgentlem4n]

I like the typo lol :)

[abc3643]

Because you are married to them.