If your partner said they cared for you but not loved you after 1 year, would you stay together or move on and why?

[Anonymous]

[OlderAndWiser]

I dated a woman from 2015 to 2017, we were an amazing match in many ways (thouh politically opposites) and we felt a mutual attraction. I wanted something more serious that what she wanted and I knew that after 6-8 months but stayed with her for two years. Of course she didn't change and the time was not a waste but I eventually left her because I wanted more. We were exclusive the whole time we were dating but I was more dedicated to her than she was to me.

[Asker]

I can understand how it’s not a waste of time if you don’t want a family etc, but if you did (like I’m starting to question) it’d feel like a waste of time if they weren’t looking to move forward in the same way as me.

[OlderAndWiser]

Actually, I said it was not a waste because I really enjoyed the time that we spent together and I did learn something from the experience. If I wasn't involved in a relationship now and that earlier girl called and said she wanted to try again, I would consider it. . . but I would need to know that something was going to be different.

[Asker]

Yeah I figured that. I’m not sure if you misunderstood what I wrote.

[Asker]

So basically that’s what I’m thinking, to just move on if we’re not on the same page. Do you think one year is enough time to know? I’d say from your experience it likely is.

[OlderAndWiser]

I didn't think you misunderstood but just wanted to elaborate a bit. Yes, one year is enough to know if the future might be bright or just more of the dreary same.

[Asker]

So if he says he can’t offer anymore right now after a year the odds aren’t worth risking staying another year right?

[OlderAndWiser]

Correct.

[caring__1]

What you're describing is the most common challenge in relationships... dysfunctional communication skills. Have him describe his ideal relationship and show you how your relationship differs from that. Don't assume you understand or deny or minimize anything he shares. Seek clarification. Show curiosity to see things through his eyes.

You need to know whether he just doesn't know how to keep a relationship new and alive and has expected you to do it for him. Once we have a clear picture of our long-term objective, we can then identify things we can do to move things in that direction. Without going through this process, if he replaces you with someone else, he'll probably end up with the same results. The quality of a relationship has more to do with what we are doing than what the other is doing, for we only have control of our own actions.

[LazerBean]

Since we are married we would stay together, but since he does not believe that love is just a feeling we cannot help it's not really a problem.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Depends on your goals. Is the relationship status all you want to achieve? You might be wasting your time if that's it.

[Asker]

A proper relationship, marriage, kids etc…

[D_Bone_Steak]

You should talk to him and figure out what his goals are. I mean if you live in a western country, the marriage and kids stuff holds no advantages for a male... but... there are plenty of men that will risk it all for the chance still.

You should be able to find out if that's in his goals of things to do in casual talk, so you don't have to be confrontational about it.

[Gent207]

I would move on
Life is too short to waste it on people that only hinder you and waste your time and energy.

[courtney06]

I'd thank them and move on.

[Liuz02]

No I would not

[Asker]

Because…