My friend and I are both pretty but she’s closer to the type that my type likes than I am. what do I do?

[Anonymous]

I’m a darker skinned black girl with a very pretty blonde blue eyed friend. We’re both pretty but we have the same type intelligent sporty white guys but they always like girls like her l. Guys like that don’t even consider me an option and even if they do as soon as they see her they forget about me in an instant.

When we’re in public and i see a cute guy they approach her and obviously i don’t wanna block that from her because we find the same guys cute. She has so many options she doesn't even take them seriously, i would cherish if just one guy was interested in me, she has 20. It doesn’t help that we’re always together. What should i do?

[Anonymous]

She’s white and so are they so it’s an automatic connect, there’s nothing wrong with you but why narrow it down to only them? Not any other race? Feelings like self hating.

[Asker]

I know a fair shake of interracial couples, just because someone the same race doesn’t mean it’s sone automatic connect. Aside from white men specially, I have no issues connecting with white people. I believe shouldn’t impact social interaction or comfortability 99.9% unless there’s an odd undertone… but i do understand a beautiful blonde to a white man is like meat to a dog

I’ve dated many black men and i’ve only been treated cruelly. In the area i live in now it’s mostly white men and the black men are not interested in black women so i’m not interested in them either.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it’s because I’m a woman of color as well but this whole outlook just puts such a bad taste in my mouth. The thing with those interracial couples is that in most cases they weren’t specifically seeking out each others race. Majority of those I’ve met, they fell into each other but just happened to be different races.

In those moments where someone who’s white and only wants a Hispanic, black, Asian, etc to me it’s almost fetishization or a preference riddled in stereotypes. You seem to want a white man because you feel rejected by your own race and somehow figure a white guy is the safer bet which I think is benighted. You should know better than most how it feels to be written off as a bitter, loud, ghetto black woman when you couldn’t be further from those things. It would be better to say you’ve had bad taste in men because it can’t be a coincidence that each black man you’ve dated was conveniently cruel.

[Asker]

i find it so strange that another black woman doesn’t understand what i mean when i say the black men in my area aren’t interested in black women. Black men have been putting us down and treating us like crap for generations.

Maybe where you live a kind man who loves his own race is an option but where i am it’s not. Maybe it’s the small area i live in but self preservation isn’t self hatred. I love black people and black men but i will not force myself where i am not wanted!

[Opinion Owner]

No one said for you to force yourself into a relationship with a black guy, it’s your logic behind exclusively dating white men that is troubling. To me, it’s insulting to say that by avoiding black men you’re self-preserving, I don’t even think it’s so much the area as it is your choice in men. Being violent, impolite, demeaning, shallow, none of these traits are exclusive to regions it all varies from person to person, race to race. I can’t imagine that you’re knowledgeable of all the black men in your entire city and each are violent thugs yet all the white men you meet are exempt, it’s flat out ridiculous to suggest that. I’m not saying the men you dated didn’t put you through hell but your choices lend a hand as well and you need to take accountability for that so you can do better. A white man can be mean, violent, shallow as well, you just aren’t witnessing it because you can’t get into a relationship with one.

[Asker]

I never called black men violent thugs and i don’t know where you got that from? I said they’re not attracted to me thus i’ve been treated cruelly in relationships with them. I never mentioned any insane racial stereotype. As i said i’m in a primarily white area that is not a city it’s a suburb, i went to school with most of the black men in the areas. Most wolf the popes who live where i do are kinda wealthy so it’s just a thing that if you’re black especially a man your aim is a white woman. They’re not bad people but they aren’t attracted to black women. I don’t have them for their preference but it’s the honest truth and there isn’t much i can do about that.

I don’t get the whole conclusion i hate my race or the fact that this is totally off of my question. I wasn’t worried about the the fact my friend gets more attention for being white that’s how it is , I wanted to know what i should be doing to stand out. I only mentioned a white man because that’s our type and a preference is a preference. I’m not against dating black men i just have a preference (which i didn’t think was that big of a deal but damn) but with the number of them amount which is minimal combined with the knowledge most aren’t interested (then narrow down to who would even approach, chances are slim to none). So please stop the keyboard warrior bullshit i know white man can be bad people i’m just asking how to stand out when my options are limited and i want a cute guy to notice me. Is that really that awful?

[Asker]

sorry for any typing errors i just wanted to be done with the whole debate i’m sorry you got some insane impression i hate black men but these are my options it’s not like in rejecting black men they don’t approach me in the first places. im happy with myself, my racial identity as a black women, the culture i was raised in please leave me alone

[Opinion Owner]

Why are you being so defensive? This really isn’t a debate, it’s me sharing my opinion of what you posted. No, nothing is wrong with having preferences but to say ‘each black man I dated treated me cruelly so I’ll switch to white’ just doesn’t sound right. If I misunderstood what you meant by being treated cruelly then I apologize, but from my view it came off like they were physical, possibly violent as that seems to be a reoccurring stereotype black men face. We don’t know each other so it’s easy to misunderstand my tone, but there’s no “keyboard warrior” about what I’m saying, just sharing my perception. It’s odd to say you’re so proud of being black yet you specifically choose not date anyone within your race, as if the white men who will say racist things behind your back will be so much better. It’s senseless, like a woman choosing to be lesbian bc they think women will be better after too many bad men.

[RavVid]

Unfortunately guys get a vote too. :) You can change what you fancy. I switch up what I like looking at every summer.

Bear in mind you only need one and we all like something different. It isn't as simple all sporty white guys like blond blue eyed white girls.

Supposedly all guys like big boobs but they put me off. I like A or B cups.

[Tim2nice]

You’re a goddess. I dated several black girls in my younger days and I’d absolutely love to take you out. Unfortunately I’m twice your age and married. Good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try to go blonde yourself and see what happens. Get blonde highlights that are flattering to your dark skin. What is your hight and weight?

[Asker]

i feel like blonde never really works with black especially highlights full blonde i could understand but blond highlights on black curly hair just seems tacky… I’m 5’8” and 116 lbs

[Opinion Owner]

I'm black too, I'm planning on getting blonde highlights. Your super thin. I'm 5"7 124... so it's definitely not your weight... I remember when I got blonde highlights i got a ton of compliments 😁... I would at least attempt it. I remember when I was at work with blonde highlights and my white blonde friend told me her man found me to be really.

[Opinion Owner]

Pretty

[Effably]

You could just do things without her. Or make it a little more obvious you are the one focused on. Works especially well if multiple guys.

Its usually quite easy to agree beforehand thay the next X/Y person is for you/them.

[Asker]

i’m always so nervous to go out alone i feel so awkward but i might just have to get used to doing it more often. Generally they approach her so as much as i can claim a guy i can’t control whether he’s going to want to speak to me or her. As a man would you recommend approaching myself or is that too masculine or off putting?

[Effably]

I absolutely think its a good idea. Not off-putting at all. Would you even be interested in a guy who thought ill of you if you showed interest?

[getwiththepg]

I hope you find yourself a Black king

[Anonymous]

You live in North America?