What kind of dating is this?

[Anonymous]

Only going for people that have been through trauma, like on the surface when someone told me this I was like that seems toxic and just bad because she wants to trauma bond she hasn’t done anything to properly address her mental health she has come from childhood trauma where her parents would beat on each other and she has developed anger issues and displays violent tendencies in her ways it’s the only way she learned how to process issues.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang bro, that sounds like a tricky situation. Trauma bonding definitely ain't the healthiest way to date, but I can see how it might feel familiar or intense to this girl coming from her past. Still not cool to seek out other hurt people though.

It worries me if she's shown any violent tendencies without working on her own issues first. Anger and untreated trauma can really mess a person up, and get worse if not addressed properly.

Maybe have a real talk with her, tell her you care about her well-being but you're concerned this could become an abusive cycle if she's not healing. Suggest she sees a therapist - having an outside perspective could really help.

And be very careful yourself. Don't get dragged into her trauma or let her take it out on you. Set clear boundaries, and don't be afraid to bow out if she won't get help and her behavior escalates. Your safety comes first.

Hopefully she'll listen and get the support she needs. But you can't save someone who doesn't want saving - protect yourself first before getting deeper into this situation, ya know? Tough spot man, just do right by you both as best you can.

[journmarie]

I don’t know, sometimes people who have been through trauma can help each other. I think it could be a beautiful thing.

[Asker]

But what if one person starts getting abused because of unaddressed issues

[journmarie]

That’s not okay to be abused. Of course everyone has different tolerance levels for what they will put up with, but at the end of the day if the relationship is filled with more abuse from your partner than love, it would probably be best to take a step back. If they are putting effort in to change then I’d give them more chances, but if they have a victim mentality and make excuses for their behavior they are a MAJOR red flag.

[Asker]

So I’m speaking from a first hand account before we broke up she did this to me she hit me twice she was verbally abusive and no one ever tried to help me or be on my side

[journmarie]

It’s sad that we live in a world where people don’t believe men can get abused by women. It’s more common than most think. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, from what I know about the situation you should stay far away from her. Some people need to work out the trauma on their own. It’s never good to enable the abuse

[Asker]

Yeah she’s going on to find someone else who has trauma by her own words

[journmarie]

Sounds like she’s manipulating you. I’m sorry, stuff like this isn’t easy. It’s hard to know what to do in these situations especially if you love the person

[Asker]

Well the haunting thing is she has lied to everyone and they believe her she also beat the crap out of our dog she slammed him on his crate leaving a dent.

[journmarie]

Okay, this lady should probably not ever reproduce until she fixes herself. If she abuses an animal she’d probably abuse her child. If she abused you which she does she’d probably abuse your child. These are things to seriously think about

[Asker]

Yeah she constantly called us nuisances and said we triggered her