Girl I have been dating says I'm coming off a little strong. What can I say to turn things around?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

You need to pull back.

Fortunately you still got a chance given she spoke up about it. Most women nowadays make an unannounced unilateral decision and just ghost guys when they feel uncomfortable in these situations. But she still likes something about you so that’s why she spoke up.

I would stop initiating contact with her (if you are doing that) and let her reach to you. When you do see her again I would straight say you find her attractive and thats why you have been coming on strong. See how she responds to that.

She will likely say something along the lines of “I want to get to know you better” That’s fair but there is another risk there as well. I once completely stopped making a move on a girl after she got upset that I was too aggressive. She then went to someone else and tried to friendzone me (that was pure agony). I didn’t accept it though.

So express your feelings so she knows where you stand. But after that don’t bend over backwards for her either. You need to withdraw from her. The mystery will likely increase her interest level.

[ShadezMcgee]

Dial it back a bit. You are doing too much too fast for her taste. Relax, take your foot off the gas and give her some space so she has some time to herself and divert your focus to other things in your life outside of her like your friends and hobbies. Make her want to see you and be excited to do so.

If you keep smothering her it will just push her away. Still show some initiative and ask her out once a week for a date and if she turns it down. Smile and let her know it is cool and to get back in touch if she changes her mind and carry on with your business. Show her you can function and have a life outside of her.

[Hardshell1234]

What does she mean exactly? Maybe give her some space for a few days. She will miss you and may actually welcome your strong approach after that. If you are pushing physical stuff then just slow it down. Let her take the lead for a while.

[Asker]

Should I say anything to her?

[Asker]

She could just talk to someone else

[Asker]

She said "I like you. I am hesitant because I don't know if you are coming on a little strong or if it just feels that way to me.." we haven't shared a first kiss yet

[Hardshell1234]

What do you mean? You could apologize for coming off too strong.

[Asker]

I truly don't feel like I am. 😕

[Hardshell1234]

Well maybe ask what she means when she says it? Do you continue her too much? What has been the nature of your communication or dates?

[Hardshell1234]

I meant contact not continue

[Asker]

When she got off work she called me and asked if I wanted to get food with her

[Asker]

I told her I was with friends

[Hardshell1234]

I’m confused. I don’t see how you are coming off strong at all.

[Asker]

Can I pm?

[Hardshell1234]

Sorry I just saw this. Yes you can

[devilish-cutie]

you need to be more patient and considerate and less pushy and agressive while still persistant

[coachTanthony]

I wouldn't worry about her I would worry about whether or not she is right. If she is you need to fix that behavior.

[Asker]

That's what I'm trying to figure out

[coachTanthony]

What is your gut reaction? Ridiculous? or maybe she got a point? It's usually binary if you have any kind of self awareness.

[Asker]

After talking to her about it, she said I'll send 3-4 texts before she sends one and it gave her the idea I was angry she wasn't texting back. But I think we're good now

[coachTanthony]

She is being nice by calling it "strong" I think she feels you are being needy so stop texting and plan phone calls with her.

[Asker]

Well I explained to her it's not because I was trying to get her to text back she was just on my mind

[coachTanthony]

Then call her. Stop communicating via text

[Asker]

We did have that talk over a phonecall

[coachTanthony]

Great now just keep it short on text …do more FaceTimes

[JacobJordan]

Definitely avoid texting if possible. With texting it is very hard to convey emotion so you can right a joke and it comes off insulting or you can right a compliment and it comes off as sarcastic. My wife and I very early into our relationship had a moment where I had said lol to something she said and she thought I was laughing at her when I wasn't. After that we stopped texting if it was even slightly important. Keep texting to benign essentially useless things. If it is important or emotional you do it in person or over the phone.

[Account]

Nothing. Step back, you are being pushy.

[bobalife]

she still say she likes you, so you should ask her what made her feel that way to be more aware and reassure her. But usually it’s either you’re being kinda pushy, overwhelming her abit, aggressive, or too ahead of her pacing. Try to match her pacing and be respectful :)

[Wraith_Cemetery]

She's one of those girls. So many girls these days don't know what they want. They'll say they want a good guy that takes care of them But, when they find a nice guy he's "too much" so they resort to the awful ones that treat them like shite.

Find one that appreciates your love.

[its_amelia_c]

The blame game, love it!!!

How do you know or why are you assuming she had done something? Or she has said one thing but means another? That’s completely out of context here!

Get the info before assuming!

[Still-alive]

You might be a double or multi texter so just remember when you text something, wait for a reply to it. Don’t bombard her with texts if she doesn’t respond immediately. If she truly likes you she will put more effort into keeping a rapport going. If not well just keep other options open jic.

[Still-alive]

Something else is if you expressed a desire for a relationship with her or want to get serious and she's not ready yet then leave it alone. Don’t breach the subject again unless she does. You gotta show patience there. Keep your texting and dates with her lighthearted and fun.

[Jessikaah91]

I feel like we need a little bit more information.. coming off too strong how?

[sheikalana]

Don't say anything. When people come off too strong it often means they're pushy or trying too hard. Slow down. If you're in doubt ask her what she means.

[its_amelia_c]

Don’t say anything, it will be your actions of cooling off and showing her you listened that will mean the most and change things for the better!!!

[BoopBoopBeep]

Nothing. Talk is cheap. Just apologize and stop coming on too strong.

[b_lova]

You should probably define what coming on to strong means for us.

[jahaims]

Sorry, I got too caught up with having fun with you. I will dial it back, thanks for letting me know.

[DizzyAster2]

Leave her alone a little.

Don't know how long you've been dating, but it's not long enough for her to say that.

Give her space.

[serious_miss419]

You’re possessive towards her. Leave her alone. You can’t force it or be in charge of how things go.

[foodOlivia]

Listen to coach Corey Wayne

[PrettyCrumblBb]

What do you mean by coming off strong?

[Asker]

Well she thought I was being a little aggressive or seeming that way

[Anonymous]

Coming off a little strong how?

[losngeles]

That means she doesn't like you like that

[spartan55]

Not as much.

[SotiCoto]

Nothing.