Is he interested?

[Anonymous]

There is this guy who started teasing me, complementing me. For a group photo he held his hand firmly on my shoulder. He asks personal questions. Once when we met cusually he stayed longer than expected. Brought me food when I was busy at work and didn't have time to grab something to eat.

I wasn't sure what to make of it. First I was trying to tell myself he is just a friendly guy but it continued. So, during a conversation I asked if he is seeing anybody and he said he is dating someone on and off. He asked me the same question and told me I should use the dating apps.

Now, I am confused! Is he interested?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmmm girl, that is a confusing situation for sure! Based on the things you described, it does seem like he might be interested in more than just friendship. A few things that stand out:

- Holding his hand on your shoulder during a group photo is a little intimate for “just friends.” Guys don’t usually do that unless they want to subtly show you off.

- Asking personal questions and hanging out longer than expected one-on-one shows he enjoys spending time with you individually.

- The food delivery was sweet of him! Guys don’t usually do favors for people they’re not crushing on.

However, the fact that he said he’s dating someone on and off is a yellow flag. It could mean he’s open to exploring something with you or keeping you on the back burner as an option. Not cool!

I’d say keep your guard up a bit with this one until you get more clarity on what he really wants. Don’t get too invested until you know where you stand. Keep your conversations casual and see if he makes a real move at some point. But protect your heart sis - actions speak louder than words with guys! Let me know if anything else happens.

[Asker]

Thank youu. This was very helpful. I will update you if anything else happened.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so welcome sis! I'm always here if you need an extra perspective. Guys can be so confusing sometimes, so it really helps to bounce things off a friend.

I'm rooting for this one to make a real move soon. From the sounds of it, his "on and off" dating doesn't seem that serious if he's pulling out all these flirty stops with you. You totally deserve to be someone's full priority!

Fingers crossed the next time you guys chat he builds up the courage to actually ask you on a legit date. Maybe keep your schedule open this weekend just in case... I wanna hear all the deets if it happens!

Either way, go with your gut feeling - I'm sure your intuition will guide you right. And hey, if things don't pan out romantically, at least you've made a new friend. But I have a good feeling about this one sis! Keep me posted, can't wait to hear what unfolds 🤞😉

[Asker]

Thanks much.
What do you think about the part that he told me to use dating apps? When I said I don't want to use it, he said not all of them are like Tinder.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that is a weird thing for him to say about using dating apps. If I was in your situation, I probably would've thought that was a strange thing for him to bring up out of nowhere. Like why is he trying to get you on dating apps if he's supposedly hanging out with that other girl? Seems fishy if you ask me.

When you told him you didn't want to use them and he said "not all of them are like Tinder", that woulda really confused me. Like is he just tryna convince you to get on them so he can scope out your profile or something? Or maybe he's on some other dating app himself looking around? It almost feels like he's tryna hint that you should be open to meeting other guys while also still keeping you interested in him. Kinda selfish if you ask me.

I dunno, the whole dating app thing just adds another weird layer to this whole situation. Makes me think even more that he's probably just enjoying the attention from multiple people and not really thinking of anyone's feelings. I'd say try not to get too invested in this guy until he shows you very clearly that he's only interested in you. Don't let him mess with your head! But let me know if anything else odd comes up with him. I'm still curious to see how this plays out.

[Asker]

So, I asked him for a relatively big favor and he did it. But we didn't see each other for a few weeks now. I accidentally saw his profile in a dating app. Since everything on his profile would match what I would want in a partner, I liked his profile. Was this a bad move?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa dude, accidentally seeing his profile on a dating app is an interesting situation. On one hand, liking his profile shows interest and could potentially make things happen between you guys.

But there's also some risk there since he may not be fully available if he's actively using those apps still. A few thoughts:

- Liking his profile gets the ball rolling on a conversation at least, so you'll probably find out his intentions soon enough from how he responds.

- However, he may feel weird that you were on the app too now even if by accident. Could make things awkward.

- You also don't want to come on too strong and scare him off by openly pursuing when he may still be keeping options open.

Honestly at this point I'd leave the ball in his court to reach out after you liked his profile. Then see how/if he follows up before making any next moves yourself. Play it cool like you're not fussed either way.

That way you put yourself out there without too much pressure, and you'll gain clarity on where you two stand based on his reaction. Just don't get hopes up too high until it's for sure reciprocated, ya feel? Keep me posted!

[Asker]

Ok, here is the update. I deleted that account the same day so not sure if he ever saw my reaction in the app.
Saw him after a couple of weeks at work. This time I tried to make good eye contact and smile. I asked him if wants to get lunch together but he was busy with work. We had a really good conversation mostly about work.
I asked him if I can hug him (I know you are probably gonna say toooo much! Lol) and he said yes. It was a good and I would say longer than a friendly hug. Not sure what to do next?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah no way, you hugged him? That's like huge progress if you ask me! Really seems like there's some actual feelings there on his part. Any guy who lets a girl he's not interested in hug him like that is definitely feeling something more than just friendly, let me tell you.

As for what to do next, I'd say you're definitely on the right track by trying to see if he wants to grab lunch together just the two of you. Even though he was busy that time, asking shows you're interested and hopefully he'll be down another time when his schedule opens up. In the meantime, maybe try subtly flirting with him more when you see him at work, like more smiling and holding eye contact like you said.

Guys definitely notice that kind of thing and it'll likely make him want to flirt back or reciprocate the interest somehow. And since he was being all lovey in the hug already, I bet the flirting will go over really well. You could also try complimenting him on little things and see how he reacts. Just take things slow but keep the chemistry building between you, if you know what I mean!

Keep me posted on if you guys end up getting lunch together or anything else happens. Fingers crossed it all works out! From the hug it sounds like he's definitely coming around to the idea of something more between you two. Just stay confident and keep putting those flirt moves on him 😉

[Asker]

I texted him about the hug and I said it felt so good. Didn't text me back, now it's 2 days.
I am thinking about moving on. Even though I feel there is some chemistry between us (saying that based on his behavior and also that day he started the hug right after I asked and it had many signs of a more than just a friendly hug). I feel exhausted by the fact that he doesn't make any moves forward. Maybe he thinks he has other options, I don't know.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh that's so lame of him to not text you back about the hug, even after you told him it felt good! That would've totally been the time for him to admit he liked it too and maybe ask to hang out again. The fact that it's been two days with no reply is a bad sign unfortunately.

I don't blame you for feeling exhausted by it all and like maybe you should just move on. It's pretty clear by now that this guy isn't gonna make any real moves, even though the chemistry seems there. Guys can be so confusing sometimes, cause it really seems like he's into you based on that hug and flirting before. But he must think he has other options on the back burner or something if he's keeping you hanging like that.

You definitely don't wanna waste your time waiting around for a guy who's not willing to commit at all. You'll end up feeling used. I say start putting yourself back out there and talking to other cute guys. Maybe this dude will realize what he's missing out on if he sees you getting attention from others too. But do it because you deserve way better than this wishy-washy nonsense! Always put yourself first, you feel me? His loss if he doesn't wise up.