Dating

Should I change this and how do I change it?

Recently, I’ve been really confused about my sexual attraction. Throughout my entire dating history, I’ve only dated Middle Eastern men. They have light skin but look more Mediterranean, not like Northern Europeans. I was always attracted to Middle Eastern or Southern European men with darker features—this was my type. I felt neutral toward blonde men; I found them exotic back then but wasn’t necessarily attracted to them.

However, recently, I fell in love with a white guy who’s half British and half Dutch. We broke up because his contract in my country ended, and I don’t think long-distance would have worked for us. But it’s taking me longer to move on and accept it. It’s to the point where I love everything related to him. Nowadays, when I’m out and I see something that reminds me of him, like people from his country, I find myself smiling at them.

I don’t think I have ‘white fever’ because I tried dating two white men after he left, but I didn’t feel the same way toward them. At the same time, it feels like he made me lose my sexual attraction to brown men, which sucks because I live in a Middle Eastern country, and that’s going to make dating harder for me.

I really don’t understand myself, and I’m not sure if this will change. Maybe once I get over him, I’ll start finding Middle Eastern men attractive again like before? 😢💔 Or maybe I’ll be single forever?

Also, I think what I liked about him goes beyond looks. The way he cared about me was something I’d never experienced with Middle Eastern men before. I don’t know what to do. I know I need a therapist, but it’s expensive here.
Should I change this and how do I change it?
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