How slow is slow?

[animalwithin]

I'm dating a girl who is fairly reserved, introverted, and religious (she's 26, I'm 34 for whatever it's worth).

We've been dating for over a month now and aside from holding hands and a peck on the lips, we haven't done anything physical.

Honestly, this is a bit frustrating. I'm not saying we need to have sex, and although she did tell me that getting physical with someone takes time for her, I feel like at the very least we should be kissing at this point (she's had long-term relationships so she's not waiting for marriage).

I live in Los Angeles and have had some crazy dating experiences. Many women here lie, want to string you along, consume your time/attention when they're not really into you. I'm not saying that this is this woman and I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I also need to cherish my time and be cautious in that respect. My concern is that she's not really interested and is just using me for the attention.

Am I being too paranoid and is it normal to be at a month of dating with no kissing? How do I bring this up other than being honest with her about being used?

[In_Trance]

Based on her feedback I think you need to move on.
Sure everyone needs time but that time comes down to how the two of you are actually spending it together and what you're doing. To move forward you need to form a connection, and in this case make her feel safe and secure which you're not doing.
Not to say the onus is all on you.
But if the connection isn't happening based on a time frame that meets your expectations then I think you need to move on.
A month is not unreasonable. Reasonable. Again within those 3 months what have you been saying and doing with one another? Because you haven't created the comfortable environment that's required to move forward

[animalwithin]

She's expressed multiple times that I make her feel comfortable. She's been to my house at least a few times and I haven't pushed her to do anything physical so she knows I'm not someone who is gong to force myself on her. We've also gone on dates that required a lot of driving so she trusts me to take her out. It's been nearly 1.5 monts of dating, not 3 months.

[In_Trance]

Clearly there's some miscommunication because she's not comfortable to move forward with you

[animalwithin]

I'm not sure how much more comfortable she needs to be to just kiss me. I'm not asking for sex but if you can't even kiss a person after 1.5 months of dating, I'm not sure what else I can do to make her feel comfortable enough. Hence my original question because this just seems absurd for someone to take that long just to kiss a person.

[In_Trance]

Based on her feedback I think you need to move on

[SixFootSexy]

I'd be worried if she was asexual, mental hangups, or had no sexual attraction towards you. Dating in LA is nuts and fruitless, generally.

[animalwithin]

She's had long-term relationships before so I'm assuming she is sexual. Mental hangups can definitely be at play here as well as the no sexual attraction.

[Abbycado]

“she did tell me that getting physical with someone takes time for her”

That tells you everything. Can’t deal with it? Move on.

[animalwithin]

Right, but the question, remains, how long does one wait? How long have you made a guy wait to kiss you, let alone have sex with you? As a guy, how do I know she's just stringing me along and isn't interested?

[Abbycado]

Kiss? Not that long. I didn’t have sex with my first boyfriend, ever.

I don’t think she is stringing you along if she made her position clear.

[animalwithin]

That's my concern. After a month, we're not even making out.

So your first boyfriend never had sex with you?

[Abbycado]

No, never.

[Still-alive]

right if she clearly and honestly stated that she takes her time with physical stuff thats your cue to either bear with it patiently or leave. If you stay but get annoyed or angry about it... its kinda on you. just saying.

This is another reason why communication is very important. state things clearly and let the other person decide if they're a right fit for them or not.

[animalwithin]

How long were you two together? And how is that a romantic relationship?

[animalwithin]

@Still-alive I actually like this girl and (so far) see a future with her so I'm okay waiting. I just don't know how to actually take initiative. How exactly will I know she's ready for something more physical? Do I just wait months on end whilst I'm planning and paying for every date and not even get a kiss?

[Still-alive]

"I just don't know how to actually take initiative. How exactly will I know she's ready for something more physical? Do I just wait months on end whilst I'm planning and paying for every date and not even get a kiss? "

Yeah you will have to keep waiting. she will let you know when she's ready. you'll have to trust her on that. sometimes the girl will take the initiative themselves and kiss you/be physical with you first. thats for sure when you know its time.

[Abbycado]

We were together most of his senior year. We both knew it wasn’t going to work out. He headed to college and I was left finishing high school.

That’s why I decided to abstain. He had no issue and we did other things.

[animalwithin]

Gotcha. That makes sense if you did other things. There was at least some sort of romantic/physical happenings.

[Abbycado]

Yes, there was.

[LiamJHayden]

You wait till she is ready or you move on. There is no set time. Some are ready quickly. Others might take months.