Why does this keep happening to me when dating?

[sofiiaagnzz]

everytime a guy talks to me they always tell me i’m a very interesting and magnetic girl and they go super fast and intense (lovebombing if you could call it that) very quickly, i feel a bit suffocated most of the time and they promise me the world and then out of the blue they disappear? i question if i ever said or did anything wrong but i know i don’t. i’m 16 nearly 17 and i’m the only girl my age who’s never even had a boyfriend before and it’s pretty embarassing, i don’t know if i’m a boyfriend repellent but they either lose interest really fast out of nowhere or simply play around or don’t even find me appealing after a while and then treat me super horribly.

they all say i’m wonderful girl but they never want to stay with me. i have a great personality, i’m interesting, i’m loving, caring, beautiful and i do well in school, i’m shy and i guess i’m not perfectly well spoken since i’m a little strange (i’m not popular). i heard the hard truth from a guy on here who said the only way is to change myself, since men like a specific type of woman and since i don’t fit that standard i’m willing to do whatever to change anything.

how do i keep them interested?

[Avicenna]

Whoa…find better guys instead of changing yourself for them

[sofiiaagnzz]

they aren’t necessarily bad though. in human nature when we aren’t interested we inherently treat someone with less respect or not really well, especially at 16. i dunno

[BarryLiverstone]

What’s the specific type of a girl that guys like? It may keep happening if you are stuck in a pattern

[sofiiaagnzz]

someone who is more outgoing and socially entertaining, generically someone you’d feel adds to your life socially before romantically

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m not sure that’s a huge requirement in all cases., if the guy likes going out everyday and being social I can see why he wants that but other guys may not be as into always going out and happy vibing with someone who can stay In or are into their hobbies

[BarryLiverstone]

Do you feel a pressure to be popular?

[sofiiaagnzz]

here in spain if you aren’t popular or extroverted you’re pretty much doomed lol, it’s like even if you look drop dead gorgeous they will treat you differently based on your social hierarchy or how extroverted you are. i always got told how beautiful i was or how well i dressed and that i was a sweet girl but didn’t get treated very well based on the fact i didn’t have many friends and in class i was quiet doing my own work and only talked to a few people

[BarryLiverstone]

I understand, that’s a diff culture for sure. Have you ever talked to older girls who were not as social and see what they did? I think lots of times even if it seems like people have been dating one person for a while it’s more like a friendship yk. When you have been out on dates have the guys had fun and asked you out again?

[sofiiaagnzz]

i have but those girls either have never had a boyfriend yet or got one like in uni. i’ve been on dates and i mail toy don’t get talked to, i start convos but i’m shy so i know i’m not great at socialising but usually i don’t even get to the date part and while we are texting they already lose interest or act extremely intense then dip. quite confusing and i’m pretty lost at this point. i know i’m not annoying but maybe i’m not great at socialising but this has been an issue for me since i was a child, i have a twin who has autism and i might have some other sort of socialising problem. not sure yet

[sofiiaagnzz]

mainly *

[sofiiaagnzz]

i do remember this one guy who we talked for AGES and we kind of clicked (ironic since he was one of the most popular guys in school and i had like 2 friends and was alone most of the time), but he ended up crossing my boundaries (sexually) at a party while i was drunk and he was fully sober and then tried to get me in bed, i obviously had to stop this but it bummed me because i thought i found someone who liked me for me, but i do remember on dates he’d always just have me on his arm and wasn’t really interested in anything i had to say so maybe there where signs beforehand i swept under the rug.

[BarryLiverstone]

Your description of talking to a new guy and him being intense in the beginning and then losing interest ; that I’ve heard happens to lots of girls. Seems like that’s a common thing when talking to someone new online and you are like others in that respect.

Ya if you went on dates with that guy and he wasn’t asking questions about you then it’s possible he had other motives and intentions.

What kinda relationship are you looking for. When your friends talk about their positive experiences what do they tell you?

[sofiiaagnzz]

well they tell me first that it took them a few months for the guy to express proper romantic feelings (like saying i love you) and usually it just goes smoothly for them i don’t know, but these girls are the ones who are very extroverted and not shy at all. with my shy-er friends they’re in the same boat as me. the other ones usually get treated properly, like actually being talked to and taking the pace at a normal speed and you can tell the guy is actually interested, but also they have a different communication style, they’re just different i don’t know how to explain it, it’s not like i’m mute but i don’t interact the same with boys like how those girls do, they are like effortless at it, i think most boys here don’t usually deal with shy girls and get bored or disinterested when they realise she isn’t extroverted, because 99,9% of guys in spain are extremely outgoing, i don’t think i’ve met a quiet one yet.

[sofiiaagnzz]

all i want is to be treated normally. not asking for the moon. when i talk to them i don’t want to feel like i have to pretend to be someone else to keep them interested and i wish for them to find me interesting being myself (because i’m not boring when you get to know me properly, i’m a bit clumsy though), and i want someone to take a steady pace and ask me questions and treat me nice and like a human being.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thats reasonable to want to be treated fairly and normally. You are not asking for a lot. One thing is guys may be inexperienced and not know how to treat you. Unfortunately many guys get bad advice and don’t act like themselves. Have you tried to make new friends? Or are you looking more for a romantic type of relationship?

[sofiiaagnzz]

mostly romantic, i’m not really bothered about having male friends, i’m friends with whoever, and i don’t have many, but i am moving to a bigger city and changer schools since i do only live in a town with 15k people and i’ve lived there mostly all my life

[BarryLiverstone]

Doesn’t hurt to try and make new friends as guys. You could always ask them if they know of someone single when they learn to trust you. If you plan to move to a new city and school then you will need to try and be less shy and make new friends in the beginning.

I can give you feedback on guys and what they like. Feel free to follow me on here. Lots of times guys will not be obvious about liking you romantically as it can be risky and they will show it in other ways

[BarryLiverstone]

Why are you moving?

[dean53AU]

Might just be your attracted to the wrong type of guy.

[sofiiaagnzz]

i think it’s pretty impossible to have talked to 6-7 guys in a row and then all be “the wrong one”.

[sofiiaagnzz]

them*

[dean53AU]

Oh ok, sorry then I'm not sure

[Ironic_Method]

... you're 16. None of y'all know what you want. And it's okay to not be in a relationship.

[In_Trance]

It's because you keep talking to the same type of guy over and over again

[sofiiaagnzz]

what type of guy?

[vicphilips]

I dont understand what is ur problem?