What does it mean when a guy says it’s not like that about another woman?

[Anonymous]

So I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years has been texting a coworker behind my back for 5 years, and there was sexual sly references in the messages, when I confronted him about it he said “It’s not like that” I want to know what your opinion is?

[ohsheeT]

So by not doing anything about it. Your telling him it's OK that he does it

And if he has been doing it for this long then he's not going to change. .. this is not about him anymore

this is about you and who you want to be in life. By allowing him to do this then it allows him to do what every he want when he wants.

And then other people see this and they start treating you the same way

He's been doing it this long then he really doesn't care about you the way he should.

You know there are guy out there that would really love you and honor you and show you how much they care by there actions and the things they do for you.

[Orion84]

He's either lying, or he thinks it's ok, because they're not actually having sex, so he's not "cheating."

My opinion? Even if he's not cheating, he wants to, or will do so eventually. Even if he's not, it's disrespectful towards you, and he shouldn't be having those kind of conversations with another woman while he's in a relationship.

I'm probably biased, from being in the inverse situation with an ex (she was the one having those conversations), but I'd say get the hell out, now. He can't be trusted.

[SteveSmith1985]

I can tell you what he meant. But even I don't believe him.

He meant "like that" to mean "sexual" of "cheating"

So he was saying "my texting her was not sexual, It wasn't like that, so it wasn't cheating"

That's what he's saying.

But if a guy's been texting her behind your back, and there's anything fishy in those messages... I mean...

Sorry this is happening to you.

[Finchie40]

Sounds like your boyfriend needs to be your ex period , he is clearly cheating on you

[Anonymous]

That is the first obvious part of such a conversation.. please go ahead.

Lol I or you would say the same in such situation. So, give him a safe / non-judgemental space to express himself (even if just acting it is safe) until he gives out all he has.

Otherwise nobody ever can know his intentions and relationship better than him. So just let your feelings play aside until he fully spills out everything, then act accordingly.

Yes, that's helpful, needed, and good manipulation for you.

[TonyMetal___86]

My opinion is that he's wrong and he's just trying to find excuses for his actions...
If i have a girlfriend, i won't talk to girls behind her back for years and for sure there wouldn't be anything between me and them that refers to sex...

If i had a good girlfriend who treats me as her everything, i'll make sure to offer her what she deserves, beginning with her being my only love!

[Shiprex]

Sounds like your boyfriend is keeping secrets from you and using it as a way to flirt with this colleague. Is this ok with you? If not it's time to say bye bye. He's not respecting your boundary here.

[Asker]

I’m not ok with it.. he tried to say he was like this with every coworker smh.. I asked him if he was attracted to her and he said “why are you asking that?”

[Shiprex]

Deflection tactic there in his response. It may not be physically cheating but emotional and psychological wandering seems to be at play

[ChicoFromThe305]

If it wasn't like that then why hide it, you only hide things from a partner when you know it's wrong

[Staximus]

Exactly

[jahaims]

He's a cheater. It sucks but you wasted all that time with him

[Staximus]

If it's not like that then why is he texting her behind your back

[Staximus]

If he had nothing to hide then he wouldn't be hiding it in the first place

[LiamS95]

Why is he texting her on the sly for five years if it's "not like that"?

[Yohenis]

It's just how we. Divert attention lol. He's gonna screw her

[nicfire171]

Perhaps it’s actually not like that