Would you date someone that wouldn’t give you the time of day when you were obese/overweight?

Question

I had a crush in high school and I was obsessed with him for years. Years! I dreamed that he was my boyfriend and the love of my life. Unfortunately he was so mean to me and my special needs friends. My friends didn’t like him much and one said better if I just stick with my own league like date a guy who’s also special needs. I’m autistic and some are also autistic, have ADHD, reading and math problems or whatever. My guy friend (who asked me to the prom six times and other dances) discouraged me from asking him to prom because my crush was a jerk but told him I have to try. My crush insulted us for having disabilities and for me being overweight. His friends said, “He only dates hot girl like 9s and 10s. You’re like a 1 or 2.”
My crush said I should just stick to someone my least and date a fat guy and pointed to my guy friend who’s also a big boy and tall. I never know why he always chased my 260lbs ass over hot or cute slimmer girls. I was 5’10 at the time and I’m 5’11 now.

Then years later, I lost weight went from 260 to 178lbs. Then I got a message from my crush saying I look hot and amazing and hope to talk soon. Also no hard feelings from high school and he was a stupid kid.
I ended up talking to him of course my guy friend and my best friends weren’t too happy about it and I will have my heart broken. Unfortunately I dumped him because he was a jerk.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

No, if they didn’t like me for who i was to begin with , then they have no chance with me at all , I don’t care if they apologize , they mean nothing to me. so you did the right thing by not giving him a chance. I was friends’ with a girl that I actually liked , she wasn’t fat but she had some extra weight on her that she wasn’t happy about, She still looked beautiful not me , She had a crush on a guy that wouldn’t give her the time of the day and he told her she wasn’t his type that he likes slimmer girls’ So she decided to lose her weight and she was still beautiful to my eyes , I told her I liked her even when she had some meat on her bones , but she was still hung up on her crush , I was jealous but didn’t make a big deal about it , When she lost her weight , her crush finally reached out to her wanting to be with her , I told her are you seriously going to give him a chance after he denied you the first time around because of Your weight? She said No, I am just going to trade him and get revenge on him for denying me to begin with , I told her she is crazy on a jokingly way. Well when push comes to shove her teasing and trying to get revenge on him backfired because he ended up getting her in bed and screwed her and knocked her up , and then he dumped her. Now she retreats trying to get revenge on him , she come
Crying to me about it and I said I told
You so , but you chose not to listen to me to begin with , She eventually tried coming on to me and I told her No , she had her chance with me before she blew it

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Physical attraction is a thing. People are allowed to have preferences. I would not date an overweight or obese girl because I don't find them attractive. It also reflects the kind of life they live. Does it make me a bad person for having that preference? Absolutely not.

What's not okay is being mean to people for being fat. I think attempting to encourage obese people to diet and be more active; live a healthier life in general should be encouraged, but that should be done with tact.

The fact that he was mean to you were you were bigger is a pretty big red flag. I don't believe people change at their core unless they go through a traumatic experience. They just learn to hide their negative traits over time.

I'm not sure what you were attracted to about him in the first place.

naartjie · Accepted Answer

No. Personally I actually don’t mind some weight on a person🤷🏼‍♀️ I definitely will intervene when I notice its unhealthy. It’s hard to live with someone who doesn’t take care of their health and even worse if you end up having kids with them etc. Personally im trying to be health conscious now in my mid 20s so i dont suffer later on. I’d hope my partner has similar goals to me. I dont mind some weight on a man! Just not unhealthy obese fat kinda. I also like to try sort my life out before I get into relationships anyway

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Technically if the guy’s been taking the time to be healthy and maintain himself the ideal person for him will also be someone who does this.

Additionally, it’s difficult to transition to the “new you” if you feel everyone is just talking to you bc of your new look/bod.

HOWEVER if you’re worried he only sees you for your new body then he’s not the guy for you. Move on to folks who didn’t know you before.

Summeroflove · Answer

People can change. But if it doesn’t feel genuine it probably isn’t

Vevv123 · Answer

I would never give someone like the person you’re talking about a chance, not even a glance. And it shouldn’t come from personal experience, the minute I accept someone like this, it means that I am willing to turn a blind eye on such disgusting ugly behaviors and makes me equally as interiorly ugly and that goes for many other things.

Him treating you this way when you were at a phase where he saw you as “undesirable” was the clearest way to see his true colors and you ignored it, but thankfully you’re not with him anymore. Remember marriage is “in sickness and in health” and you will age and maybe things will happen and you should be able to recognize this as a big red flag.

SotiCoto · Answer

I'm guessing this is mostly directed at women, but it isn't really relevant to me in any other context either, since my entire experience is more like the opposite of this.
i. e. I used to be skinny and am now... not so much. I don't think I can actually get proper fat, but I went full dad-bod and don't really care.
And since I only like heavier girls and can't really wrap my head around freaks who prefer anorexia, I can't really parse the idea of what you're describing at all.

In any case, it sounds like you have THE WORST taste in men. That seems to be normal for girls though.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I would. Now if they were mean to me, rude, disrespectful and all that then no. But I can’t hate on the person for having standards. I mean if the person lived a healthy life, exercised, ate right, was in good shape, who am I to say something against them for me not taking care of myself? If I want something or someone then I need to do what’s necessary to increase my chances of getting what I desire. If a female aims to be a wife, a mother who stays home, takes care of the kids, then she need to show to potential suitors that she would be the best choice if he’s looking for that as well. Can’t expect a fit girl to pick me if I’m 300 lbs, eating like a slob, not exercising.

HighValue · Answer

Ha ha, men should do the same and not accept any woman that didn't want him before he had a good job. If she didn't want him when he worked part time minimum wage, she doesn't deserve him later when he is doing better either right?

Same thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Can i be honest and this may hurt but people in high school don't change for the better they usually stay the same or get worse. Very rarely do they change for the better BUT in your case it sounds like he changed for the worst. Think about it he reaches out to you after all these years telling you you're hot you're amazing and blah blah blah he's full of shit that son of a bitch hasn't changed for the better one bit he's gotten worse. You're better off listening to your friends and not bother with him

WonderingManII · Answer

Interesting. Here is how I feel about it. People can't help what kind of body they are attracted too. I think love is grown after you have been with someone for a while. If someone doesn't want to date you cause of how you look. Then you need to move onto someone else. Don't look back. You are kinda looking back, and thus you got hurt. Hopefully there are nicer guys who you find attractive.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Ewww no way.. that is why I don't lose weight it keeps the losers away from me. Guys who generally like me will like me regardless of how I look so no need to look appealing to get attention from a bunch of trash bags.

avery58 · Answer

Taking in fact the details, if I was in your place, no I wouldn't date a former bully. I might even forgive them, but a relationship or friendship never.

RHK36 · Answer

Haha no. Also you kind of won when he wanted you after you improved, but you buckled and gave him the power right back. I tend to believe people show you who they are it's up to you to not stick around for more when they suck.

McLlovin · Answer

I wouldn’t.. its because of principle for me. I never personally want to run to the one who rejected me. Generally its not a bad thing as long its not because of money, or social reasons.

Nikolakoala5 · Answer

If they don't like you at your worse they dont deserve you at your best

itsannalee · Answer

I wouldn’t date anyone who rejected me, like “Duhhh you aren’t my type anymore “,

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Sounds like you still didn't get over him... But now.. You do You!

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't date someone that wouldn't give me the time of day a WEEK ago, for WHATEVER reason they had.  But I would still let them try.😆 You get 1 strike with me. 1 strike and you're out.

fonduegirl · Answer

If he doesn't date my worst version, he's not ready for my best version

exitseven · Answer

Yes, maybe I would date her for a while and then dump her like a used kleenex,

Bloodparadise · Answer

This gym culture just isn't attractive on most people.. i love natural looking bodies.. Like that of my fiance

blackeagle007 · Answer

They lost out. Should’ve given me the day and time when they had the chance

WhitneySnow · Answer

You did the right thing dumping him

Dargil · Answer

Yes. Its human nature.

Brittanyrunner06 · Answer

Absolutely not.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

OF COURSE NOT !!!

Pohjolan · Answer

Maybe. That was over a decade ago.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes - If I like her.

thegreenyogi · Answer

Definitely not.

Chelsdope0 · Answer

Fuck no

Anonymous · Answer

I would sleep with her and see how It goes.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah i would

Would you date someone that wouldn’t give you the time of day when you were obese/overweight?

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Would you date someone who was noticeably overweight?

Would you date someone that wouldn’t give you the time of day when you were obese/overweight?

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Would you date someone who was noticeably overweight?

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