Is this too much?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy off of FB dating back in May. He is looking for someone to date long term. We were supposed to meet for ice cream but it quickly changed to me driving to his house to hookup.

The hookup went well and he was still interested. He went ghost on me and hit me up out of the blue on and off over the last two months.

A couple weeks ago he reached out to me saying he needed me and wants to talk more & see how things progress.

over the course of last week we were texting and I saw cute couples pictures on Pinterest and sent them to him. He stopped responding & I haven’t heard from him since.

He blocked me and it got to my head because I was so excited to take that next step. I eventually got really sad and ended up texting him from a texting app saying sorry and taking accountability for overstepping with the pictures.

I further told him I will be at a local bar this weekend. I sent him the address and time I will be there. I also told him I will respect whatever he decides and will give him his space.

as time keeps moving I can’t help but want to show up to his house hallmark style and just hold him and tell him to not to walk away & that it’s ok to let me in.

He’s going through something and I just want to be there for him.

what do I do? I really like him.

[Alex-Snow]

Sorry that has happened to you. How is/was the sex with him? Do you think he just wants a friends with benefits for sex? If he still sends mixed messages you may want to move on. How old is he? Hopefully he is not seeing anyone else?

[Asker]

He’s not seeing anyone else and he’s 38. I came on too strong and unfortunately suffered the consequence.

[neoneo]

In this situation, I understand that he doesn't respect you because he's giving up on you and leaving you in a state of uncertainty. Your feelings may be intense. Give yourself some time, maybe a month or two. Then implement your decision

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind reply. I’ll definitely be taking time and work on myself more after allowing this to happen.

[neoneo]

You are welcome, may it be as you wish.

[Abbycado]

You played all your cards from the get go. He got what he wanted without (presumably) having to fake the whole "I want something longterm" to get in your pants. Check and mate.

[Asker]

He called me drunk last Monday and has never done that. I know he wants something long term I could sense it but he’s holding back. He has trust issues which weren’t hard to pickup on. I just don’t know if ke showing up to his house will make it worse. I just want to hold him.

[HollyK21]

He may want something long term eventually but not right now and not with YOU. Like Abby said, he said what he had to say and did what he had to do to get in your pants. Now it’s over. You’re making yourself look desperate with all these attempts at contacting him despite being blocked and ghosted. Please do not show up unannounced in a place where you aren’t invited or wanted, aka his house. That looks creepy as shit and far from Hallmark. Move on and move smarter with the next guy. Don’t go to his house for a first date and make sure he’s actually living up to what he says before you even think of having sec if it’s gonna make you do all this embarrassing stuff.

[HollyK21]

He most likely called you drunk for a booty call, that’s literally always what it’s about. Not because he misses you and wants to watch a movie. Don’t be dense.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 We talked about our kids meeting. He wanted to come to my house and meet my kid. We talked about moving forward. Clearly I scared him off but am just heart broken.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 he also would call me on weekends to go out to eat

[HollyK21]

No use being heart broken over a man who wasn’t yours. Everything you talked about was just him saying what he needed to say to get what he wanted out of you, and while yes that’s hurtful to hear, the proof is in the pudding. A guy who really wants to connect is not going to do what he’s done and continues doing, but if you’ve never experienced a healthy, good relationship then you wouldn’t know any better.

This is not fear of commitment in general it’s disinterest in committing to YOU. This is not a hallmark movie you don’t go chasing down a person trying to knock down what you perceive to be “their walls” and insist on being there. This was casual sex with a few dates thrown in there so you didn’t feel used. Imagine him just calling you for hookups and nothing else, no man wants to look like that big of a jackass. Not trying to hurt your feelings but girl, stand up. He isn’t the one and you got invested emotionally way too soon. Make better choices next time, that’s really all you can do.

[HollyK21]

Also, I don’t believe whatsoever that sending a few cute pics from Pinterest would send a well intended guy running for the hills. That should be unacceptable in your book anyway, not romantic or “oh he’s just scared! I should smother him with my love and heal his wounds!”. Like stop that.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 thank you

[Asker]

@HollyK21 I’m not going to show up to his house because I know that’s red flag behavior and it even makes my skin craw at the fact that I even came to that thought. I was emotionally driven because it hurts like hell to be bread crumbed and just left like that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and clearly failed to understand my own personal boundaries.

[HollyK21]

No worries love, I get where you’re coming from and nobody likes feeling used or strung along. Especially when you’re trying to go about dating with good intentions, it really sucks encountering a fake ass man like this one who puts on a facade to get what he wants and then slowly ghosts (if not all at once). But I think it’s just a matter of accepting what is and making peace with your choices. This guy should be a goner in your books, even if he comes back, he does not deserve a moment of your time. You don’t need to burden your own life by taking on whatever trouble he’s got going on when this is supposed to be a brand new connection between two emotionally healed adults. I promise you don’t want the guy you have to chase down, figure out, triple text, stress or cry over. It’s just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I believe so.