Is this too much?

[Anonymous]

Girl I’ve been dating for some years took a little break and we got back around September. Before that she sent me a screenshot of her talking to another dude to prove a point that she can find other guys that would unfollow and delete every picture on their socials just cause she’s insecure. Fast forward to yesterday we broke up because I’ve been asking her to give me respect and love for weeks and she said she won’t do that unless i take her out on dates and i told her I’m not spending my hard earned money on her if she can’t even respect me and she left. Is this even reasonable in a relationship

[quaranta]

Posed in this way, the situation makes no sense. First of all, what is she trying to prove? You said those dudes would unfollow and delete pictures because she insecure, but what do you mean? Unfollow female profiles and delete photos of their exes, you mean? If so, that's their problems, and even though she shows you that like if that is the norm, well that isn't, it's exaggerated and nobody should allow requests like that (both genders) because they don't respect minimal boundaries. It's not a "quality", to be ready to submit yourself to something like that, it rather makes you look like a desperate slave. Does she like that in a man? Doesn't she even take in account she might be really wrong and out of any norm by considering that normal? Well, "wow".
Second thing: what does it mean you asked her respect and love for week? Nobody asks directly for respect and love continuously, or for week, what did you asked her exactly? Respect after she continued to humiliate you over and over and you asked her to stop all the time? Love after she continued to ghost you and continued to ignore everything you say? What did she continue to do repeatedly that brought you to ask love and respect "for weeks"? Well if you are in the condition you have to ask that continuously that means it's completely fucked up and you can't get anything out of a relationship with her. Trust, respect, are the minimum requirements (and are not even sufficient alone).
Third: you are not at the beginning of the relationship, why does she expect you to pay for dinners and entertainment around? Now you are together, you don't need to play this game of the gentleman stuff and all those things. If she insists to go on dates after years of relationship, she should at least pay her part, or for both.
You did manage to stay with her for years, though. I sense her expectations are weird and out of scale, and that you are addicted to serve her. That is a cycle that must stop and you should find the value you lost in yourself. She won't change, and you must mind that if you continue a relationship with her, it will be with this person, the way she is, with her demands. Use the next (or current?) breakup to escape the situation, and resist.

[Asker]

The respect i talk about is straight up disrespecting me when we get in a disagreement, Belittling me, etc. the love i speak of is showing me affection and treating me like her man but she just doesn’t after i demanded respect. I told her i would take her out if she acts right and she straight up said no. She came over 2 weeks ago, we went to the store and i bought all the ingredients came home and cooked her a meal and had a movie night and the following week was gonna be the same thing but she got upset i told her where i was going before i went close to me leaving and we didn’t even hangout the next day cause of that. She told me she’s not gonna give me love and respect until i make her feel special by taking her out and my response was I’m not spending my hard earned money on someone who can’t even respect me without getting something in return.

[AmyHew1tt]

She definitely has problems and I think it's good you broke up. I would say, in regards to you wanting love and respect, and her wanting dates and things, in the future with someone else, find a way to give each other what you need. If a girl seems to really want dates, unless she's in the relationship for your wallet, then she actually really wants quality time with you. Try giving her what she wants, and if it's genuine, she'll give you what you want.

[Anonymous]

That's messed up! Any relationship should have respect. I can't think this morning. But, you teach people how to treat you.

[Anonymous]

I say treat her the same way.