How come I’m matching with all these women, but very few seem willing to have a conversation?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been getting a number of matches since starting my online dating profile and I get a match and I’m ready to like have a nice conversation. I’ll let something materialize a bit, and I guess what I’m saying is, I’m not like sending paragraphs of messages to people, but a good 2-4 sentences once I’m 2-3 messages in.

And I feel like I’ll get a sentence or two back, just not really matching my input, and it might go on longer but more often than not, it fizzles out.

Like I thought women wanted to feel comfortable talking with someone they don’t know, and look for connection, and I’m trying to kind of jumpstart that by being chatty and personable. I’m looking for connection too. But I guess it’s better to just be short with them? I don't know.

It almost doesn’t seem like people have the attention span for good conversation or something, or it has to be loaded with jokes and flirty one-liners or something. I guess I just wish these women would try a little harder. 🤷‍♂️

[Bitter_Sweet94]

A lot of women match out of curiosity, boredom, or quick attraction not because they’re ready to talk.

And most people don’t give equal effort online, they reply just enough to keep options open.

Your longer replies aren’t the issue. The mismatch in energy is.


Here’s what’s actually happening

1. Many matches don’t know what they want.

They swipe, get the dopamine hit, then disappear.

Super common.

2. Some want connection but not with everyone.

They might like your profile but not feel the spark once the chat starts.

People drop off fast online.

3. Too much early effort can make you feel “interview-ish.”

Not wrong, just not always the best first five messages strategy.

4. Short, light messages tend to convert better early on.

Not because women are shallow but because online dating is overwhelming.

Short feels safer and easier.

5. If someone is interested, you won’t have to fight for their engagement.

They’ll match your energy without you pushing for it.


* If you want your conversations to stick more start warm but short.
Let her invest too.

Add one small personal hook (“What caught your eye about my profile?”).

Move to a call or date sooner instead of trying to build deep connection through text.

If she gives 1–2 words twice in a row? Move on. Don’t chase low interest.

You’re not doing anything wrong, you're just giving more energy than most people do online.

Keep your standards, but tighten your approach.

[Nikki1989]

I am sure some men just love wasting their time with this online dating scam. It is either that or are too lazy to get out and socialize. You know, quality people don't need dating apps, right?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I have to keep repeating this till EVERY guy utilizing dating apps understand. 95% of "women" (because some are catfish) on dating DO NOT want to date ANYONE (save for the rare unicorn that they will NEVER find on a dating app).

Now I'm not saying give up. But you need to understand that 95% of the "women" on dating apps are not in play. Just think of them as a NPC. They'll look at your Pic, they might even like it. But that is as far as it will EVER go. Understand this is NOT a YOU problem. This is a THEM problem. Don't beat yourself up for something that you have NO control over. It's best if you just focus on the remaining 5%.

I'll tell any guy that will listen. Online dating is the INVERSE of real life dating. You should NEVER message a woman first online dating. Trust me, if she l's interested she WILL message you. And Secondly you should ALWAYS just match her energy. Never give her an ounce more than she's willing to give you. Trust me, if she's interested she'll keep it going if you're responding in kind. And if for whatever reason, WHATEVER reason she just stops. She's telling you your worth to her. Always be ok with walking away if she goes cold. This is the ONLY online dating improves.

[BadApple69]

So many reasons. Unfortunately, with online dating a pretty girl on a website will get hundreds of guys private messaging her. You are just one of several hundred. You need to find a special thing to make your private message stand out. What it is, I don’t know.
Seriously, there is a big issue with people not being able to carry a conversation. You have to train yourself to be able to talk to Anyone about anything. Look at their profile picture what’s in the background, what are they wearing, you need to find something to say hey is that a blank? The online dating is a jungle you need to be a tiger, not a monkey.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because she’s managing over 50 matches.

[Asker]

I guess if nothing else, take some confidence away in that I got a match in the first place, yeah? AND that she entertained it briefly. But it still leaves me with nothing and the women with everything.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right. Just means you give attention to the next match. Are you planning a meetup irl?

[Asker]

I mean I’ve tried to meet several but never actually happens, they stop replying. On to the next I guess.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right, keep trying. If you can get to find common interests in a few days you can ask them out. The entire point is to get off the dating app and meet irl. The ones who never wanna meet are just bored and using the app for attention

[beefcakebradybatson]

Are you a handsome lad?

[Asker]

I must be somewhat, some of these girls are pretty attractive.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Sometimes a really handsome man will make a woman ponder that if she dates him, he'll soon find a hotter lass.

[Asker]

Well that’s the chance they have to take… welcome to what it’s like being a man. But in actuality I’m dreadfully single lol so it feels pretty unfounded. I don’t think I give off the image that I’m some guy out there playing the field. I feel like I look like a pretty safe bet honestly.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Then you should soon find a lady friend.

[In_Trance]

They're fake accounts that keep you engaged

[Asker]

I had thought of this as well. Should be criminal lol.