Where do I find active single women?

[egan3141]

For context, I'm 30 years old (yes the profile says 26. I used a fake email and the birthday I assigned to the "fake" email when signing up) and trying to find my future wife. I am very active and want my future wife to be as well. I am struggling greatly to find women to date. I've tried dating apps and going to group events from sites like meetup. com and heylo. com, but almost everyone in these groups is 40+ or taken. The few that haven't been have replied that they aren't interested in dating right now (and give reasons/reactions that make this seem true, such as having just moved to the area less than 3 months ago).

I haven't and don't want to try bars because 1) I don't drink, and 2) I want something serious, not sex. I've also considered a few women from work but our work is different enough that I have almost 0 interaction with them even on a weekly scale, and it feels wrong to just message them on a work chat and say "hey, care to join me for lunch?" out of nowhere. I've heard gyms recommended before, but that seems as likely to work out as just asking random fit women on the street (which I have considered more and more as I get older).

Am I already considering the right places and just need to ask, or is there somewhere else I am missing and should be trying?

[ManOnFire]

"The few that haven't been have replied that they aren't interested in dating right now (and give reasons/reactions that make this seem true, such as having just moved to the area less than 3 months ago)."
- I would not believe that. A lot of women who say they aren't interested in dating at the moment are still having sex with some guy out there. That's why they're not interested in dating, because they have a fuck buddy.

If you're an active guy, I would say going to the gym could be a way to meet another active woman, but you don't actually want to try to approach them. If there's a girl there who seems to be into you, let her come to you. But you can also try meeting active girls in other kinds of active settings/activities, like the park, marathons, events, etc.

[egan3141]

The most recent woman was the one that had just moved to the area, and I learned she was new to the area before I asked her out. She really is that new to the area. The other one I remember off the top of my head had gotten out of a multi-year relationship just a few months ago. Seems pretty likely to me.

I haven't tried true events yet (like marathons). Do "strangers" really talk to each other at those? I assumed people did them with friends and talked to them, meaning loners were just alone

[ManOnFire]

Even if a woman is brand new to an area, they still can and do start sleeping with someone a lot sooner than you may realize. And I guarantee you the one who was in the multi-year relationship will be taken by moments of loneliness and will give in to going home with some guy for comfort sex. Lots of women are technically single, but still have a sex partner.

If you are a charismatic, outgoing guy who knows how to smile and make chit chat with people, it's very easy to get a stranger comfortable talking or even laughing with you. Don't sell yourself short, you are more capable of having success than you may realize.

[egan3141]

I don't doubt my abilities to get closer to people. That's not the problem. It's finding people my age that I'd be interested in that is the problem. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but everywhere I go seems to be older people or people with such extreme views, they immediately remove me from their potential pool (not christian, not a hardcore leftist, etc)

[ManOnFire]

So you and I are the same in that regard. It's really hard for me to find people my age too, almost everyone in my circle is younger, while I have a very strong attraction to women older than me yet not able to find them. I see them at random places, but I don't actually meet them in group settings. Even on my fucking job I'm the oldest of everyone including my boss. It gets lonely being surrounded by a group that you don't really relate to. So I do understand what you're going through.

[egan3141]

Never thought I'd find someone going through the same but opposite xD Hello buddy in this weirdness of ours xD I have the same problem at work too. I'm the youngest on my team. and one of the youngest in the entire company. Even my entire floor of the building, there is only 1 or 2 other people that might be younger and not already with someone (counting both sexes)

[egan3141]

Correction: For the entire floor, I meant near my age, not necessarily younger than me.

[ManOnFire]

Wow. So I'm sure there are plenty of older women there I could choose from while you need someone closer to your age lol. Oh how the struggle is real. Only thing I can really do is try to join clubs and events where mostly older women would go, but I would look so incredibly out of place lol

For you there's hope. It's easier to meet active women in all kinds of things, you just have to look for those activities. Hell, even if it's a pilates class.

[egan3141]

I could be wrong, but isn't there an automatic "he's just a pig looking to either stare or hoping to get sex" view towards men that join pilates, yoga, and other such women-heavy activities? Well, that or "he's gay"

[ManOnFire]

Sometimes, but I think that's more of a stereotype you see in the media. You might get thought of as gay more than anything, but I really wouldn't care. Some women like seeing men getting involved in these things.

[egan3141]

Another thing I'll think about. Thanks

[heruncommonsense]

"A lot of women who say they aren't interested in dating at the moment are still having sex with some guy out there. That's why they're not interested in dating, because they have a fuck buddy."
This is straight-up projection. Sex and dating are the same thing. Many women do not date because... well, I don't know where to start, but for one, not all women are masochists, and some of us are catching on to the fact that all males are sadists.

Women cannot be involuntarily celibate, because males never turn down sex. I am still a virgin because I know what males are worth: nothing.

Males, on the other hand, will have sex with prostitutes and other males and still claim to be virgins.

[ManOnFire]

@heruncommonsense "Sex and dating are the same thing."
- Definitely sounds like virgin girl logic. You are clearly unaware of the fact that a lot of people are having sex with someone they are not exclusively in love with or in any close relationship, and this includes a lot of females.

"Males, on the other hand, will have sex with prostitutes and other males and still claim to be virgins."
- No guy has ever claimed that. However you do have virgin girls who give oral and anal sex but still say they're virgins, and others even experiment sexually with other girls while still claiming to be straight.

"I am still a virgin because I know what males are worth: nothing."
- I highly doubt that is the reason why you're still a virgin.

[egan3141]

@heruncommonsense "Sex and dating are the same thing", maybe to whores

[Staximus]

Use your brain, dude. That's what you need to work out. Gyms and other places fit women hang out. Sporting goods stores, health food stores. Join a club or some other kind of group that meets up to participate in sports or other athletic type activities together. Like running, cycling, rowing, rock climbing, hiking clubs, etc. Take some weight lifting or martial arts classes, or yoga. Yoga classes are almost all women. The women at the yoga studio next to where I work kind of get weirded out by dudes in there though, because most of the dudes are just there to socialize with the women. If you live in a town where there's a lot of hippies and liberals then you should be fine, though.

[DishLady]

Ok, so "meetup" was generated by my generation back when we were in our late 20s/early 30s and cycling through our "young divorcee" phase (which follows the "married too young" phase). You're gonna get a bunch of OG daters on that platform. Not a lot of young people want to be on the same social spaces as their parents, you know?

Moving along, Eventbrite tends to be good with announcing regional events. You can expect younger people to pop onto that one. You should also join your local Youth Ministry (at church/temple) and be active there to find people your age.

Don't date gals from work. ("Don't shit where you eat" philosophy.) It's never worth it.

[Anonymous]

I'm looking for a single woman too, but they are usually not looking for me :(

[heruncommonsense]

Aren't dating apps just for hookups?

[egan3141]

No, but mostly yes. Some dating apps are literally for that. Several aren't, but practically are because those not looking for hookups quit using them.

[katiesmuff]

Well this certainly isn't the spot to look!

[egan3141]

No, but it's a spot to obtain information, is it not?

[katiesmuff]

Apparently not that information!

[In_Trance]

Outside. There's 3.5 billion of them

[egan3141]

1) Most of that 3.5 billion isn't active nor single
2) A massive percent of that 3.5 billion spends most of their time inside, so no they aren't outside
3) If you want to be funny, at least be remotely close to the truth.

[In_Trance]

If you want to be successful, stop creating self-imposed barriers and get out there and do it

[egan3141]

You call it self-imposed barrier, I call it morals and not giving up on my desires. I want a woman I can love, not a woman I can have sex with. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it any year since... probably since I was 16

[In_Trance]

But you haven't got either. So...

[egan3141]

Well ya... When I get one, I get both, so of course if I don't have one, I don't have either...

[beenherebefore]

At the gym.

[egan3141]

Are you answering the title alone, or are you saying "yes, you should be asking those women out"