How often do you text your partner?

[BlackCat999]

I met this seemingly nice guy on a dating website about a week ago and we had a great date yesterday. I guess I must be anxious because I expected a quicker flow of exchange between us since, he gave me his number and, he has mines. I'm accustomed to quick communication with my previous partners. He did mention he's not often on his phone and we both have busy days.

I guess an important piece of info is that he wanted more after the first kiss, he was very respectful about it and actually asked (which I was surprised about)... I politely declined since I want to take things slow and he said that's his way of doing things as well.

Chatting on the app was like that since we don't get notified when someone texts... Anyways the date continued and we ended on a good note and a goodbye kiss, which I loved.
I figured perhaps there are couples out there who barely speak or spoke to one another during the day and before they lived together so, maybe I'm anxious for no specific reason... Or, I'm kinda scared he's taking me for a ride on the fool wagon... Lmao

Updates

6 mo

Everything makes sense now. Seems like I'm not his type and also, he's not sure of wanting anything serious at the moment. Apparently he's grateful I told him I didn't want to go further... So, I wished him well since I'm not looking for anything casual. This kind of bruised my self esteem... So that's that, lol

[HollyK21]

Honestly if I were you I’d move onto other options now while it’s easier before investing my feelings further. The fact that he just flat out asked for sex on the first date is not only pretty disrespectful but show what his true intentions are.

[BlackCat999]

Perhaps you're right, the thing is every relationship starts differently. Some people get it on the first date and have long lasting relationships :/ That's not what I'd want but can we say it's bad? Maybe I'm too lenient 😂

[HollyK21]

You’re right, some people do get it on the first date and stay together, and I believe that if things are meant to work out then it doesn’t matter if you wait one week to hook up or one month, if he has not intent on sticking around then he’s just not going to. However, I’ve also learned to act in my own best interest because men never hesitate to do so, so you’ve got to have that same energy. You don’t want casual sex, so what’s the smartest thing to do? Avoid the guy who’s trying to have it, and do so before your feelings are all caught up and it becomes progressively harder to walk away.

I used to have a similar mindset, thinking that behavior like that was fine and normal. That was until I met my fiancé, a guy who never once tried to sext me or make sex a priority. He was simply interested in hanging out with me, respecting me on levels that I didn’t even know existed with most men anymore. I think we’ve become a bit desensitized when men do things like your date did because these casualties have just become so normalized, but honestly it shouldn’t be ok or appropriate in your world when you want a serious relationship and a good man. Good men don’t do shit like that, fuckboys do.

[HollyK21]

Also, keep in mind that “nice” guy doesn’t always equate to “good” guy. Confusing the two is how you give benefit of the doubt that he didn’t earn and let bad behavior get a pass just because a jackass with how he says or does something. Nice guys often get away with murder because you don’t want to believe they’re capable of doing you wrong when in reality they’re the top contenders.

[HollyK21]

**just because he’s not a jackass

[BlackCat999]

Well, thanks for your advice. I'm taking it to heart. Your relationship is what I kind of what I'm looking for but, I guess I'm going to have to be even more patient 😞

[HollyK21]

Trust me I get where you’re coming from, probably exhausted with the whole process of dating, having to start over with someone new when things don’t work with another. However, being patient is really a virtue when it comes to relationships because I’m sure you’d like to spare your future self any unnecessary pain, suffering or disappointment, so you should do what you can now to avoid all that. You may not cut him off immediately and still choose to deal with him, which is totally fine, we’re all on our own paths and you’d probably have “what ifs” if you don’t move at your own pace. I’d definitely advise you make note of these things though, because it’s definitely giving red flags.

[beenherebefore]

Not often. We live together. I usually wait until he comes home to talk to him unless is something urgent.

[bowenw]

Usually often when we are apart.
I can understand him not being on his phone if he has a job that makes in impractical to be on it, like brain surgeon. Otherwise I think you are right for being skeptical.

[BlackCat999]

Okay, that's what I figured. He says he's an independent contractor. Working with customers on electric wiring (these types of things), he said he's often on the road. We spoke for a long time about this so unless he's a psycho and went ahead to learn all these things on house renovation etc... I actually believe him. Still, you're right, I'm a bit skeptical :/

[bowenw]

In his like of work, he must be constantly on his phone. Even if he's on the road driving, he can send texts hands free. I think it's best to give him the benefit of the doubt until things start being suspicious. In my experience, people who have excuses for everything are not always the most trustworthy.

[BlackCat999]

That's a very valid point... That really didn't cross my mind, especially for his line of work. I think I'm gonna take a step back and see what happens next, that's probably the best step so far, he was so sweet, what a bummer

[bowenw]

What he is saying may be perfectly valid. Just keep an eye on things.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Twodogs0525]

Not that often. We do talk on the phone quite often throughout the day.

[Nikki1989]

Never. We actually talk to each other.

[BlackCat999]

Meaning you call one another or maybe you guys lice together, so it makes things easier?

[trumpetplayerforlife]

When we didn't live together all day... now we live and work together so I hardly text time

[slatyb]

Has he communicated at all since the date?

[BlackCat999]

Hey, I just updated the question, at least you'll see by yourself ☺️

[slatyb]

Sorry, but you shouldn't allow his decision to bruise your self-esteem. It takes time to meet someone compatible. One summer I had seventeen first dates and no second dates. In January I met my wife.

[BlackCat999]

It's okay ☺️ You're right, I guess I'll just need a few days to bounce back. Kinda hard to stay positive with the actual dating scene right now, and these people are not making it easier... But, it is what it is, chasing is just - ew... So goodbye to him then

[queenofcardio]

Daily when I'm with someone

[Zionne]

everyday