How much do you believe in the importance of inner beauty in romantic relationships? If you do/don’t, why/why not?

[MissSunshine2]

I’ve noticed that a lot of ugly or morbidly obese women I know buy into this belief that inner beauty is the only thing you need, to find an attractive and fit partner and aim for really hot, fit people. Instead of working on themselves. I think that looks are an essential part of attracting people, especially men. Most men won’t date average looking women, even average looking men won’t. Whereas a pretty or beautiful woman would date guys fitting these descriptions.

Before you lecture me, I am a fat woman myself. I do sometimes attract hot, fit guys, but I know it wouldn’t realistically last, unless I lost weight. Even if I did, there are always prettier women and these guys often have Grass is Greener Syndrome. So I tend to aim for ordinary looking men with great personalities. I’ve attracted some and not others. Like most people. But I’m not really buying the belief that inner beauty is all you need to find a partner.

[Nikki1989]

Physical attraction can spark interest, but inner qualities are what sustain connection, trust, and emotional safety over time.

Also at the end of the day, you can be who you want to be. Don't let others try and tell you what to look like or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Inner beauty is really important but so are looks. You need both.

[HollyK21]

The way I look at it is that we are the ones who set our own standards, we also dictate our own “leagues”. By that I mean, just because you personally feel as though an obese woman or one that you deem unattractive (because beauty is subjective) can’t attract a fit and/or attractive guy does not mean that’ll be the case. She may not think a certain guy is out of her league, and given who he is as a person, behind the handsome looks or fit shape, he may not be at all.


This isn’t to say that the average guy generally doesn’t go for a heavier set woman, however that woman doesn’t need to attract a sea of men, she’s just looking for one, and that guy would like her just as she is. I don’t think it’s unrealistic for a conventionally unattractive or heavier woman to feel confident in her own skin and not insecure in the way you seem to think they should. I also don’t think it’s fair to assume that they want to “work on themself”, because they could be happy just as they are.


Ultimately I’m not saying that outer beauty plays no role, because of course you want to feel physically attracted to who you’re with. I also don’t think that inner beauty is everything, but I do think it surpasses the other because looks can and often do fade over time.

[MissSunshine2]

I don’t think fat or ugly women should feel insecure. However, I do think that they should be more realistic about who they can get. I do agree that looks fade over time. I disagree that inner beauty surpasses outer beauty. But I enjoyed reading your opinion and I respect it 😊

[HollyK21]

I hope you were genuinely open to a conversation about this topic because I do have some questions. My first question is why would outer beauty surpass inner, in your opinion? Second, why don’t you equate someone being “realistic about who they can get” to an insecurity that you think they should have? I mean it’s not like they’re going after a celeb, it’s just a person who you’d deem better looking than this person who wants to pursue them. If you’re confident, then you feel comfortable approaching the person, and you’re essentially saying they shouldn’t have that.

[MissSunshine2]

I’m open to a discussion, sure. I’m saying not that they shouldn’t have that opportunity, but that they don’t. Men are usually more shallow than women, so they’ll always be more interested in how a woman looks than who she is, initially.

[HollyK21]

You don’t feel like that’s a pretty broad generalization? Yes, men are usually more shallow than women but not every man has the same mentality. Do you think it’s right to live with a general mentality that if society deems you unattractive or you’re a heavy person, you just shouldn’t think you have a chance with someone who’s socially more attractive?

[MissSunshine2]

Yes, I personally think it’s sensible to be realistic like I am, about who we can get. I’ve seen it happen in real life, to me and to other women.

[MissSunshine2]

But that’s just my own personal view. 😊👍

[HollyK21]

I say this respectfully but your sensibility is sounding like a bit of a projection, and not very sensible in a general sense. But you’re entitled to that mentality, I was just curious about it☺️

[MissSunshine2]

Fair enough. You’re as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine 😊. Thanks for the interesting discussion. It’s nice to have people make me think a bit more about life.

[HollyK21]

No problem ☺️

[Anonymous]

If you're going to ask this question you should probably be open to reality. You say you're FAT to begin with. This clouds your judgement from the start there are just as many ugly and FAT men as their are ugly and FAT women that will date their own kind so to speak. But you cannot view it as just that, "kind with like kind". Because it's not as simple as fat and ugly with fat and ugly. How is someone supposed to see value in someone that doesn't even see value in themselves? No, "inner beauty" is NOT all you need to find a partner. You also need time, reasoning and experiences. But you also have to believe you're a worthwhile human being, you have to be a worthwhile human being, and that doesn't mean every guy or woman is going to see your worth. Most women's failings whether they be FAT and ugly or not their failings generally are that they take interest in a man who simply do not see them that way, or may NEVER see them that way. But either way these women get incensed at the alleged judgement against them and totally quit on the man rather than just being patient and just being a friend to the guy. Too many women catch feelings for a guy and automatically expect that because she has them he should fall in line and just have them to. I've lived long enough now to know that "romantic feelings" are generally very silly. I don't take most of them seriously. Because that's limmerance, not love. That is fleeting, not not deep and abiding. And the REALITY is most people in life are just here to see what they can get from you. It's rare when you run into someone who wishes the best for you with no expectations of recipication in return. But that is still no guarantee it'll ever develop into love beyond anything platonic, and that's ok.

[YourExLover69]

Physical attraction is first thing everyone notice. Of course good behavior, kindness, loyalty, maturity and open mindedness matters for long lasting relationship as well. So I search both in a partner and looking for right lady/life partner.

[theionano3]

like i think u have to be attracted but that can be so complicated and how u are as a person can affect it

[blackeagle007]

To me. Everyone is the same, physical attraction is #1. Including women