Will anyone ever love me?

[Anonymous]

I'm not tall; I'm just average height. I'm not particularly good looking, and I'm not rich. I am, however, smart as hell. Will any woman ever give me the time of day?

[Adam_INTJ]

Yes.
The standards you're thinking of are wrong and come from the internet. I have a rule: if it's on a screen, it's extremely likely that it's fake or extremely rare.

The girls you see on things like the whatever podcast saying thst they'd only date a guy making $100k minimum are making big money themselves from OF and live in an expensive area like Los Angeles. So that kind of girl who sets such an unrealistic standard is rare. Girls want you to be employed and making enough money to provide the basic needs for 2 with maybe some wiggle room in the budget. In your age range, they may have higher expectations, but just making okay money to provide comfortably for 2 should be okay.

Some girls do get hung up on the height thing because it's promoted in the culture so much, but they'll forget about it if the moment is right.

They're looking for a Hallmark movie romance where the guy is put together, caring, leads her, and is upfront about his intentions. That doesn't require more than working on your character. Romance novels also help to show you what their ideal is.

So many girls are insecure and depressed too. They don't think they can attract what they're most attracted to. These might be women who you're not particularly attracted to, but don't be arrogant and shut them out.

I highly recommend the book Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson. He's clear that your lifestyle, boldness, and communication skills are key, not age, money, or looks.

[Asker]

Thank you. I'm making decent money, but I'm not a billionaire. I'm okay looking, but I'm not a model, and I'm only 5'8", so those things just don't add up to what women these days want, no matter what you think. That said, I appreciate your encouragement. Thank you for that.

[Adam_INTJ]

Bro girls aren't a monolith. Sure you see the gigachad tall guys getting the attention online, but that's online. Being charming and bold in person is where the biggest power is, because most guys these days are dweebs who are to scared to even try to approach a girl.

Don't count yourself out based on height. Most girls just want a guy taller than them, and you're taller than most girls. Sure, extra height adds to attractiveness, but a bold, charming demeanor with a put together life beats out the extra 4 inches of the tall unemployed guy who's to shy to look her in the eye.

If you're just looking for online clout, yeah, give up now. But you're looking for love. As long as you have an active enough social life in a close community, are bold enough to ask girls out, and have some okay social skills, you'll do fine.

Making median income makes you sooo much more attractive than most other guys out there dude. You just needvthebother stuff figured. Just read Models by Mark Manson it's an easy and motivating read. No gimmicks and tricks, just how to build confidence, live out your values, and communicate a bit better within your own style.

Ignore the blackpill stuff and the dudes chasing clout. You're not trying to be the new tiktok heartthrob. You're trying to find just one girl who doesn't demand that her guy be over 5'8." There's plenty of them. Just look for the tiny 5'0" and 5'2" ones.

It honestly sounds like you're making excuses dude. So much of this is in your control. Your less-than-model attractiveness and belpw average height pale in comparison to the effect that having your communication, lifestyle, and boldness to approach dialed in will have.

It feels like a guy complaining about being unable to get a job because he's unatteactive. Like sure, that might hurt a little, but there are at least 10 other things way more important that he can optimize to get a job.

[Asker]

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, you're right. I am making excuses. The reason I'm making excuses is that rejection hurts, and I'm getting sick of it. Other than meeting women online, I'm not sure where else I can go to meet them. Do you have any thoughts about that?

[Adam_INTJ]

Online dating sucks for most guys. I've got a theory that girls swipe left on most guys because they're looking for the butterflies and sparkle that only come from meeting in person--the guy's arm around her shoulders, the way he looks into her eyes and tells her she's beautiful. No few photos and clever bio will make that feeling happen.

But for you that means that you need to meet girls in person. Which means a social life. Mark Manson's book has good principles of how to do that. My short version is to find something you care about that other people care about and have community around: religion, politics, tennis, yoga, astrology, are all some options. Bars and clubs aren't recommended because you won't have much in common with girls there. Sharing a favorite club or whisky won't start or hold together a relationship. Having the same religious or political values might do that. Other options include groups on Facebook or meetup. Hiking clubs, book clubs, and social outing groups are good options. But keep in mind, the greater you value the thing the group is oriented around, the higher quality women you'll meet (meaning you won't be grasping at straws to have conversation with them or endure nonsense values that you don't agree with.

I for example am single because I'm underemployed, but I know plenty of girls through my church and Christian conferences. My political involvement is a bit underwhelming as far as dating because republican girls are usually already dating someone.

But, my community isn't yours, so go forth and be social!

You've got to read Models bro

[Asker]

I am not religious, and I don't live in a community where the kinds of clubs and things that you mention are available.

[Adam_INTJ]

Said clubs are organized on meetup. com (which is a website and app) and Facebook groups. They're everywhere, so unless yourevlimiting yourself to pnly searching for hyper-specific clubs like Russian Poetry club of [your city here], you should find something local. If you have an interest in mind, search Facebook groups and events. If you're really drawing a blank, I recommend just browsing what meetup has. You might find an interest that you had years ago but let go (e. g. maybe you had a thing for ballroom dancing, cooking, or philosophy). I'm sure you'll find something that you're at least mildly interested in. Then just give it a try, make some friends, and try a couple more groups if the first isn't your jam.

For example, even if you can't really see yourself loving the public speaking club that meets in the next town, you can make some friends and hone a skill that you're at least a little interested in. You're in this to be social, make friends, and meet girls, so don't be picky about which club you join.

You'll be single forever if your life consists only of work, chores, and doomscrolling, and that will be 100% on you.

The rest of us don't have girls lining up to flirt. Putting yourself out there is a requirement for all.

Look for where you *can* be social, don't look for all the obstacles.

[Adam_INTJ]

Thanks for MHO. I also have a follow up. I'm seeing many reports that singles events are having many more women than men show up. So if you go, you may be a hot commodity. Just search Facebook events for a local one. It's easier to stay home, but staying home isn't how we approach work, the gym, or our friends, so let's not stay home for love.

Stay in touch and let me know how it goes!

[Alex-Snow]

Definitely... when you least expect it the right girl will enter your life. There is always someone for everyone. Hang in there.

[slatyb]

Not if you keep on doing what you've been doing. You'll have to change something. What are you doing now? Where are you going to try to meet a partner?

[Asker]

I'm going to forget about it all together. It's a hopeless quest for something completely unattainable, at least for me. It is the social equivalent of jousting at windmills.