Why is there so much backlash and hate toward flat-chested women?

Question

I’ve struggled with BDD (body dysmorphia) since I was 15 because I didn’t develop like other girls, especially in the chest area. My face is pretty average too, so I never felt like I had anything to “make up” for it.

Because of that, I’ve never really dated or experienced being chosen. People online say it’s a universal female experience to get attention, be asked out, or receive DMs, but that’s never been my reality. I’m not looking for bad attention, but when something is described as “universal” and you don’t experience it, you start to feel like you’re missing something essential.

I’ve mostly made peace with that. What I struggle to understand is why flat-chested women get so much hate. Online and even in real life, I’ve seen them called things like “p3d0 bait,” “not real women,” or just inferior. People justify it with biology arguments about fertility and maturity, as if that makes it okay. I would’ve expected more empathy from other women, but that’s often missing too.

This has definitely contributed to my BDD. It made me feel unfeminine and “less than.” Even simple things like wearing dresses or finding bras can be frustrating.

So naturally, after years, I’ve considered breast augmentation. Nothing extreme, just a moderate B cup. But when I looked into other women’s experiences, I found backlash there too.

It feels like a lose-lose situation. People mock flat women, but if you try to change it, you’re called fake or vain. It’s like you’re criticized no matter what you do.

I’ve accepted that I might not be “chosen,” and I’ve made peace with that to some extent. But I don’t understand why people have to be so cruel about it. Why is it wrong to admit that I’m tired? And why don’t I deserve to feel like a woman, even if I have to pay for it?

Levin · Accepted Answer

I don't think flat chested is a big deal, I definitely think you're latching on to negativity. I don't care if a girl has small boobs and can often find it preferable. Large ones can be too saggy and seldom have that shapely-ness to them without a bra. I don't really evaluate that at all when I'm looking at a girl. It's kind of like saying that a girl needs to have a 'booty'. No she doesn't, I don't care about that.

You want to know what I care about? Well, physically, I do like a nice face. Obvious, of course. Doesn't have to be perfect, just someone that I'm attracted to. Body wise, she just needs to be in shape and take care of herself. All things easily controlled. There is no excuse not to do so. So you're attracting yourself to negative opinions, in my opinion.

I have a shaved head. And automatically a lot of women are like, 'I don't like bald men' - which is fine. But just because bald has certain connotations it doesn't mean that's what someone is like when they're actually in front of you. I have a very good head shape and facial structure. So in my opinion I'm more attractive than most people with hair.

Believe it or not, people also do look at personality.

I think your body dysmorphic disorder is key. By definition, you can't look at yourself objectively. So what if, by some possibility, you're actually rather attractive? You say you're not approached, so that is your barometer. But there's a lot of forces at play. For example, if you're insecure, you may well subconsciously come off as cold and unopen to being approached, so no one is going to approach you. Plus you may not put yourself in the right situations if you lack confidence.

And yeah, I'm not a fan of fake boobs. Definitely rather prefer small boobs to fake. Fake is a deal breaker, actually. Shows a real lack of confidence, plus it looks so unnatural.

Here's a novel idea. You know you could, accept and love yourself? Accept and love yourself, rather than expecting someone else to save you through their validation. You will always fail if your starting point is the need for validation.

Own your small boobs. Small boobs are great.

No one gives a shit out of high school and the internet.

I just think you're focused on negativity, so you're getting your confirmation bias.

Orion84 · Accepted Answer

It's unfortunate, but society sets beauty standards for both men & women, and anyone who falls outside of that very narrow definition of "attractive" is somehow seen as having less value.

Women are told they have to look a specific way, which is both crazy, and unrealistic, especially considering that, despite society's general opinion, not everyone finds the same things attractive.

Specifically addressing women's breast size; it's generally assumed that most men want a woman with a larger chest. While that may be true for some men, it's certainly not the case for all of us. Many men love, and even prefer, a smaller chest on a woman.

No matter what genetics gave you, there's nothing inherently wrong with it. Just because you may not fit that mainstream definition of "attractive" doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people out there that would think you are.

I know it can be disheartening to be told you aren't the "ideal" as described by the media, but honestly? Fuck the media. Don't listen to what they say you should look like, and embrace the body you have.

I promise you there are more people out there who would appreciate your appearance than you think, but what's important is that you learn to appreciate yourself, too. So you don't have huge breasts; I'm sure that yours are beautiful, just as they are, and are probably more attractive than some of the bigger ones, anyway. 🙂

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

I have 32C cup, that’s a sister size to 34 B cup, which is a smaller size.

I’ve got nothing but admiration for them… Don’t allow a man to instill insecurities in you. Man will even have sex with a tree hole if no another alternative, you are an alive, sexy, hot woman and millions of men would die just to hold that “flat” chest of yours as you call it ;)

So, don’t be so hard on yourself… Remember, if you saw another girl with similar body you’d admire them. Treat yourself just as kindly.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

Larger busts have been heavily sexualized and marketed as the "ideal" in Western (and some other) cultures.

HighValue · Answer

Most men don't want someone fake, but it is mostly women that will try to make you feel bad about not having larger breasts. Usually men only say something negative about it if you have insulted them and they lash out, for example if you call a guy short or something like that first.

For me personally, I prefer B, then A, then C, but nothing larger than that because it just makes me see her as fat. What makes a woman unattractive if mostly if she is quite overweight, has tattoos (gross), or a nose ring. Looking normal and being a 5 or better in the face is good enough.

Most of the time when women say nobody is interested in them, what they really mean is that nobody that is far out of their league (the only people they actually want) is interested in them.

Also, many men deal with FAR worse than anything like that in life and most of it is caused by women. There are things much worse than just some negative comments.

Grond21 · Answer

That sounds really hard. I am sorry you are going through this. For the sake of having more options, have you considered NBE?

ShadyPants · Answer

I personally am more attracted to flat-chested women than women with fake tits. It is a mistake to focus so much on what you think is your weakness. Lots of flat-chested women are popular with guys. Vatiety is the spice of life. The world would be boring if all people had the same body type.

Chill out and stop letting this hold you back. And don't assume all men have the same taste in women.

Alex-Snow · Answer

It is the person inside that counts not the size of her boobs.

Redhanded1020 · Answer

I don't know that there is, I love them, I also love big breasted girls, it depends on how she looks and carries herself.. that’s all.

Iron_Man · Answer

Men like breast they don’t like raisin bits. I’m sorry, but that’s how they think

Anonymous · Answer

Have you ever thought of taking up golf?

Mike_Hum · Answer

lol there isn't

jahaims · Answer

Their isn't

In_Trance · Answer

There's not

Why is there so much backlash and hate toward flat-chested women?

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