Did my reaction push him away, or was he already losing interest?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy on a dating app, and we instantly clicked. We exchanged socials and talked every day for about 2–2.5 months. We both admitted we liked each other, and he was one of the sweetest people I'd talked to—affectionate, reassuring, and always made me feel comfortable. The only thing that bothered me was that he never planned to meet. One night around 3 a. m., I saw him online on another app, panicked, and impulsively messaged him. My messages stayed unseen, his last seen disappeared, and I briefly blocked him before confronting him. He later claimed it was his sister using the app, but I didn't believe him. Instead of arguing, I took two days away while on a family trip. When I returned, he replied hours later with a dry message, then ghosted me. apologized, doubletexted and he said he needed a break. Days later, he came back saying he couldn't be in a relationship because he wasn't financially stable: "I can't hurt you. There's so much burden I carry inside me." Later, he broke no contact, and we started talking again. He even said, "I'm genuinely trying for you," so I believed him. Soon after, he became distant again. His replies got shorter, took hours, and he'd disappear instead of communicating. He mostly texted late at night after spending time with friends, playing football, or gaming, making me feel like I was getting whatever time he had left. Eventually, one of his replies was so dry that I left it on seen, expecting him to text again, but he never did. After a full day without hearing from him, I felt emotionally exhausted and ended things. What hurt most wasn't the breakup—it was how easily he let me go. It's now been three weeks of no contact. I still miss the person he was at the beginning and keep wondering whether my reaction pushed him away or if he was already losing interest. I also don't know if his financial situation was genuine or just an excuse. I'm tempted to reach out because I miss talking to him, but I'm scared he's already moved on.

Updates

3 d

Guys i really miss him I just feel like talking to him what do I do 😭

[HollyK21]

Weak moments should not equate to weak decisions — do not reach out. I feel like I remember speaking with you right around the time he was saying he wasn’t sure he could do a relationship because of work, finances and whatever else. Whether or not that was you I talked to, I’d still say this — you should’ve ended it then. Now you’ve given ample benefit of the doubt, effort and patience, all for this man you’ve basically spent no time with and have essentially just emotionally invested into. There’s nothing for you to go back to, because he’s consistently given you nothing to work with in the first place. Just excuses. You can do much better for yourself than that.

[HollyK21]

Per your update — have some restraint and find something to preoccupy your time. Yes, you are absolutely going to have moments of missing him, that’s what comes with a breakup of any degree. It does not, however, mean you should screw all the work you’ve done not to reach out these few weeks. If I were you, I’d put the missing him aside and ask myself — what would I be going back to? This man is uninterested in a relationship, while you on the other hand are still fully interested and this is not a matter of simple platonic friendship. There’s nothing for you over there.

[HollyK21]

He is no longer the man you miss from the very beginning, so stop hanging on to these fantasies for the future and a fondness of the past. None of that exists in current time girl. If you need to chat, just reply to one of these comments and allow someone to help talk you off the ledge.

[Asker]

Im not talking that l want him romantically again its just that i wana have one convo w him bcz ik he's not a bad person, but on the other hand im scared I'll get ghosted

[HollyK21]

I think it’s important to keep in mind that “nice” guy does not always equate to “good” guy. I get it, you really enjoyed your time with the person he was in the beginning. But by making that the focal point, you blatantly dismiss all the harm he’s caused since then. You can’t look at the past good and just negate the most recent version of him you’ve gotten, which is that of a man who doesn’t care if he loses you because he hasn’t been trying to keep you. He has already given you the rejection of not being available for a relationship, so when you take romance out of the equation, then what is there for you to go back to? You say you aren’t talking about romance, but that’s hard to believe because majority of what I read had to do with romance and no platonic friendship in the mix. Are you really going to say that you can go from one extreme to the other? That you can compartmentalize and be available as solely a friend without ever giving in to flirting or any optimism for dating? Because that’s literally the only way you can proceed with that, unless you’d like to be used for casual sex and exchanges of that nature.

[Sunshinelips]

Never get too comfortable talking to someone online, just for this reason. Allow those clicks, connections and comfort for when you meet. If you meet. Until then keep it casual and don’t allow your feelings to speed off ahead of you.
Take this as a lesson and move on.

[Mark_Est]

That is why many young women date men in their 30s.

Not all, but most young dudes are boys, and clearly low IQ and no sense of duty.

A woman needs a man. Dont waste your time with these.

[Masie]

I am a little confused. You say that he had never intended to meet. So why the attraction to him and the reaction about him on another app if you already knew that this would be an online thing only?

Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with having an online friend to write to, but since there was never going to be anything else, why care so much? That is the part I don't understand.

Your reaction probably did push him away.

[Asker]

I probably didn't explain that part very well. It wasn't meant to stay an online thing. I did bring up meeting, and we talked about it a couple of times, but it never actually happened. There was always a reason or it just never worked out. Since we'd only been talking for about 2–2.5 months and everything else seemed to be going well, I assumed we were just taking things slowly. That's why seeing him active on the other app affected me so much—I thought we were genuinely moving toward something, not just being online friends.

[Masie]

Oh, okay. That makes more sense then. I think the way it was worded that had me confused. I still think you may have overreacted a touch. You also are already not trusting of him. That is a bad way to start I would think.

Hopefully you can iron this out. I think you need to give him the benefit of doubt, especially in the beginning.

[WhitneySnow]

He was already losing interest. He’s probably a commitment phobe and I would bet money you guys sexted or exchanged nudes or both before he lost interest. The good news is he’s probably not lying about being broke.

[Asker]

noo we didn't share anything like that

[WhitneySnow]

Oh ok. Then he’s not that bad of a guy. But he is a commitment phobe and probably broke. The good news knowing that is I do think he cares about you and he might come back if his financial situation changes.

[Nikki1989]

There was little interest to begin with. "I met a guy on a dating app, and we instantly clicked. We exchanged socials and talked every day for about 2–2.5 months."

Try the real world next time.

[Abbycado]

I think he told you the reason. He wasn't financially stable.

[BadApple69]

Cut your losses. Move on… you’ll be better for it.

[canamlusciouslad73]

Who knows, but likely the latter.