Is modern dating killing romance or just changing how it looks?

Question

I love my husband, but sometimes I wish we'd met differently. We were brought together through Tinder, like most modern couples, and honestly, if it wasn't for Tinder, I'd probably still be single or would've eventually settled for one of the creepy, desperate weirdos from my hometown. 😂 And by creepy, I mean Jeffrey Dahmer creepy.

Tinder is genuinely one of the reasons I am who I am today. Without it, I wouldn't have my daughter, my husband, my house, my job or even my driving licence. 🤣 Meeting my husband pushed me to have a life I honestly thought I'd never be good enough to have.

I do think the internet and social media have changed romance. Young people don't seem to experience it in the same way our parents did. We're scared of being laughed at or mocked for our feelings, and even more scared of being accused of being a creep.

I think girls watch films like The Notebook and see things as romantic that, in real life, they'd probably call the police over. 😂 A man writing you 100 love letters sounds romantic in a film because you know he's the love interest. In real life, if I'd already made it clear I wasn't interested and someone kept sending me letters, I'd be carrying pepper spray. 😂

I also don't think looks have as much to do with it as people think. One of my biggest stalkers at school was actually the popular, good-looking guy. He was still creepy as fuck, and he still creeps me out now.

I think we should bring back some simple, old-fashioned dating. A man comes up to a woman, asks for her number and she can say yes or no. If she says no, you accept it and walk away respectfully.

Confidence is attractive, but there's a huge difference between confidence and entitlement. Being brave enough to say, "I like you," is attractive. Being unable to accept "no" isn't.

Maybe that's what we've lost not romance itself, but the ability to approach someone honestly, accept rejection gracefully and let people choose each other freely

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

For the most part it did and things aren’t the same from when I was younger meeting girls’ Most people today are glued to their phones and social media , which social media was designed as a money making platform to make money. Unfortunately kids’ today are born into it like it’s a normal thing and sadly it corrupts their way of thinking , people are becoming more selfish over anything else and people are lacking on common sense and respect as well. Compared to how things were back in the day. Now that I am back on the dating market after a long term marriage I was in , ended because she chose selfishness over us. So It’s been a shock to me on how much things have changed , when it comes to dating. I still consider myself old school when I meet a beautiful girl , but apparently I am doing it all wrong. Basically I am suppose to treat a girl like she doesn’t mean anything to me for her to be interested in in me? Like what kind of shit is that? So I started to do it and bam I am getting dates now , blows my mind , like wtf happened to this society. I blame social media for a big part of the reason. People are more selfish over anything else and people set higher standards for themselves as well , which it’s ok to have preferences and standards but they shouldn’t be extreme. Most people today are fixated on what they see and hear on social media over anything else. Thinking they deserve only the best. What people don’t realize is that no one is perfect and perfect doesn’t exist. If someone can say they are perfect? They are clearly talking out of their assholes. I can’t speak for every girl but from what I been experiencing with girls’ recently is that most of them are selfish people that do not take any accountability for their actions or behaviors, that act like they are doing nothing wrong whatsoever. . Most girls’ I have met want me to do for her but she doesn’t want to do the same in return because she thinks she was sent to Earth to be catered to at all times. So I been kicking those girls’ to the curb where she belongs. I am not saying guys’ are any better , I just don’t date guys’ 😂 Now that I am single again , i been really trying to play my cards right this time around but sadly it hasn’t been a walk in the park. I been taking advice from my kids’ realizing they have more experience than I do in this dating world today 😂

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s not 100% but I think I it’s the women who have really made dating what it is. They say men aren’t men these days. But how can a man be a man when they’re told to leave us alone. We don’t need men. All of the world’s problems are because of men. Blasted on YouTube for even glancing in a girl’s direction, accusing him of being a creep. Men listened now women don’t like it. Even today to bring flowers like men used to do is seen as cringe. Even if a man went up to a girl to ask her name, if she didn’t like him she’d shame him, put him down. I don’t get what women expect. You want us to leave you alone but you still want men to be the men. Women say they don’t need men but you still expect him to protect you, plan the date, pay your bills, provide a house, finances and so on. A lot of men are co fused. I’m confused and I’m not even dating. Been w my wife for 20 years.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't think modern dating has killed romance. I think it has just made romance look different.

Your Tinder story is actually a pretty good example. You met your husband through an app, but what came from that was a marriage, a child, a home and a completely different life. There's nothing less real about that just because the first meeting happened on a phone. ❤️

I do think we've become a lot more cautious, though. People are scared of being rejected, embarrassed or called creepy, so sometimes they don't approach anyone at all. And honestly, I think there's a big difference between confidently showing interest and refusing to accept rejection.

A guy saying, "I think you're cute. Can I get your number?" is perfectly normal. If she says no, the attractive thing to do is simply smile, say okay and leave her alone. That's confidence. Trying again five times because you think she'll eventually give in is not.

And movies definitely confuse things sometimes. 😂 A guy writing 100 love letters sounds beautiful when he's the handsome romantic lead. If I've already told him I'm not interested and he's still leaving letters at my house, suddenly it's not The Notebook anymore. It's time to call somebody. 😭

I actually think romance is still very much alive. We just need to remember that romance should involve two people choosing each other freely. Maybe that's the part worth bringing back.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

You're lucky that he didn't turn out to be a weirdo when you finally met in person. That's what I would be afraid of if I met someone on a dating site. Isn't that taking a chance? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've always met guys by accident. I met one at work. One was my neighbor across the street. One was my neighbor and friend's brother who spent the summer with her and she introduced us. My very first boyfriend I met outside in front of the pool hall.
One was my neighbor in my apartment building. One was my son's barber.

The rest of them I met at a club.

I'd be too afraid to meet someone on a dating site but I'm glad you took the chance and it turned out good for you.

Lynx122 · Answer

Honestly I think todays world there are additional challenges to romance but I don't think it has fundamentally changed. It comes down to how well you know yourself, if you can deal with emotionally difficult situations, how well you treat yourself and others, being patient, being honest even when it's uncomfortable. Things like that.

Yes how people meet each other has changed but honestly there's so many opportunities to meet people in real life if you're in the right mental space. I think what's mainly holding us back is fear, anxiety, being used to things being easy and convenient.
But those are things you can work on and when you do dating is actually a lot simpler. It's not actually as hard as we tell ourselves if you have a certain calmness and stability.

I actually am in a new relationship now I should update my profile. Anyway I'm glad things worked out for you. The more I grow the more I think it's all about your inner state and not about the individual dating opportunities. If you're mentally in the right place if one situation doesn't work out another one will come. But if you're in the wrong state then you can have as many opportunities as you want and it will not work out. That's how I see it.

RavVid · Answer

Did you know that marrying for love is a fairly new concept that only widely started in the early 1800's when women's mags started promoting it.

There are two primary rungs to romance.

The first being that there is someone of the opposite gender that will bring great joy and pleasure to your life. This does reflect common experience though honeymoon love has a shelf life and hopefully is replaced by enduring mature love.

Easy unilateral no fault divorce has largely killed this off. Willingness to invest has to be a casualty of easy divorce. Willingness to work out conflicts is more work than to divorce.

Another consequence of short duration marriages is that all relationships become short duration because the till death do us part light on the hill is lost

So I think easy no fault divorce is the primary killer of romance.

OneViewpoint · Answer

That is not a change the internet created. Some men have always been immature and lacking in confidence and self respect to the point that even the most polite rejection from a woman absolutely crushes their fragile ego and sends them into a rage. They rail in MGTOW videos about women's irrational sense of entitlement but never admit their own crimes of entitlement. And yeah both men and women do it. With women it just manifests differently. They think they are entitled to Brad Pitt, a billionaire lifestyle, a private jet, and 3 mansions in New York, Miami, and Malibu. Luckily neither the male or female dating pool have many of these individuals who are deeply detached from reality. But the ones who exist get a lot of attention because they are such assholes and impossible to ignore.

MrChinaski · Answer

Humans default to doing the least possible work and taking the least possible risk to achieve an outcome. That doesn't mean the outcome is bad. But it is a conscious choice at every step to NOT go out and approach someone, to NOT go out and engage in community groups where you would meet, to NOT be open to people approaching you. Those were YOUR choices. I felt ill having invested my time in reading your post watching you turn it around into a 'Creepy men can't accept rejection'. Nope. It's not men. YOU chose to keep romance out of your life.

JHNS98 · Answer

Dating apps sure have a stigma, mostly as enablers of casual dating culture, but also in terms of effort. Said effort makes it feel extra rewarding whenever something materializes into communications moving off of the app.

People have always struggled with accepting rejection and approaching others with honesty, even before 21st century feminism and the MeToo movement, neither of which are entirely to blame for the current dating environment.

But your points about romance fiction are valid. I actually watched a video essay by the YouTube channel Scripted Chemistry about how idealism and certain tropes in romance and romantic comedy may have influenced the way gen z and gen alpha form, "enact" and exit romantic relationships.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Modern dating is the result of people not knowing that romance is a slow buildup, and that you learn to love. and appreciate a person.. Hollywood has made it so that people feel like there should be some spark and chemistry to build a romance.. Sometimes it happens, many times it doesn't.. People have forgotten the point of relationships.. It's meant to have been a utility to get two people who are attracted enough to each other to stick together and traverse through the world til death do them part.. Tinder is a result of a dating scene that was already forming for the worst.. It just exacerbated it..

blackeagle007 · Answer

I liked what you wrote. I too started dating when AOL was big. For majority I met women off of there, turned as bad experiences. I think. People are bitter, jaded with each other. Both sides are full of accusations. It is sad approaching is prohibited ( Thanks to the me too movement) I even notice on, so much bad attitudes. Everyone wants the perfect 10. Average folks like me get condemned for looking average.

Just what the hell happened to the good ole days? We are so glued to our phones now

fonduegirl · Answer

You seem to have the wrong idea about The Notebook.

Ryan wrote those letters in hopes of getting her back. Her parents are like the villains of the story. It's like, you ask your friend to the movies and they say yes via text but your grandmother reads and deletes it from your phone, so the both of you are feeling unwanted now, probably calling each other entitled.

I love the song "I'll be seeing you"

As for modern dating, it's an elaborate joke.

Like seriously, if you get handicap or lose your memories... Good luck to you

Nikki1989 · Answer

It hasn't killed anything but has changed how romance is packaged, marketed, and initiated. Of course people fall for all the scams. After all, the easiest way to meet someone is still to get off your butt, go out into the real world, and socialize.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

Its killed it. Spectacularly.

The notebook is NOT a good reference. Its a story of a woman marrying for money and then cheating.

Divorces are at an all time high. Marriage is outdated. IT needs to go There is nothing you gain but legal repercussions. You can have the very same commitment and live as a couple withput those archaic ideals of marriages.

Personally, i think people should just live independently and just date casually. No muss, no fuss.

red324 · Answer

I kind of think the dating apps are pretty dead now. I mean post covid they were going strong for like 4 years, but now it's just a bunch of scammers. The issue I've found with the dating apps is the women have become too selective. I went on tons of dates with little success and it wasn't until later on that I realized that most of these women are looking for a white coat and tie type of guy who lives in a penthouse with a penthouse salary. It's ridiculous. One day I said to myself, wow this date is asking me the exact same questions my previous 5 dates did and they even started the date with what I do for work

Ferngully2000 · Answer

Yep I absolutely think it has killed romance and the mutual attraction that comes with it…

The whole you look at each other from across the room, lock eyes, both feel it, the chemistry and the build up!

I had that with a guy during my early 20s it was unreal, the best chemistry! He wrote me a love letter on the day he was leaving cities (we worked together), he was a drummer in a band, my god and yet I had a boyfriend, so nothing could happen, but I still think of him years later and what might have been..

I don’t think you can replicate that on an app…

exitseven · Answer

@babyseal23 Yes, I dated in the 80s and 90s. I met girls in a lot of different ways that did not involve the internet. I met my ex girlfriend because we lived in the same college dorm. I met another girl in the library and another in a bar. She was the bartender.

I met my wife at the beach. Looking back it really was a fun experience. There was a lot more romance to it and it was not so transactional.

Anonymous · Answer

Capitalism, Dating Apps make money, inflated prices on romantic evenings make money, romance scams make money, Uber takes money, Valentine’s Day Holiday of Money.

I’d say Capitalism making you pay someone before yourself and your love life is growing a divide over you getting to be with another soul.
Why else is our population dropping? Our failures to curve the climate, our failures to end wars, our failures to provide a livable wage, failure to provide universal childcare, and we treat women as mere objects to host offspring rather than treat them as individuals worth something more, a soul, a heart, flesh being same with all citizens under the boot.

They know the world they chisel out, they don’t care. It is techno feudalism, a new caste system and we suffer.

zagor · Answer

You forgot about the part of meeting someone in the first place. Unless you meet someone at work or school, it is difficult to find a place where all or most are single and open to meeting someone. Before websites and apps, depending on where you lived it could be very difficult to meet a good range of people.

Miristheiss · Answer

Birth control pills, sexual revolution and degeneracy, feminism, social media and family law rulings, no fault divorce (meaning a spouse can commit adultery against you and you still jave to pay them alimony) have utterly destroyed families and romantic relationships.

stevenkelly · Answer

I think modern dating is changing how romance looks more than killing it. People communicate differently now, but genuine effort, affection, consistency, and meaningful connection still matter. Romance may look different today, but when two people truly care about each other, they’ll still find ways to make each other feel special. ❤️

virgo2267 · Answer

Let’s be honest… women crave dixk as much as we men crave a nice piece of ass… but this whole feminist movement has not been complete success… now women want to be in charge and in control… so now they label men as creeps and yet still complain to the world why thwy are unable to meet their expectations.

Shit is only gonna get worse with more social media influencing the youth

Mark_Est · Answer

Modern women have killed dating. Std farming while expect traditional treatment, outcomes, relationships etc.

doesn't work that way.

Only traditional women, feminine, virgins etc get traditional treatment, chivalry, romance etc.

Pterodon · Answer

I think texting and social media has had an effect in that people have lost the ability to communicate face to face. Another factor that turns a man off immediately is feminism. Go around saying you don’t need us will never get you a date. We try to be a gentleman with manners and you bitch that you can open the door yourself. Well knock yourself out. . . Alone

slatyb · Answer

There have always been creepy men, and always will be. The difference with internet dating is that women have a chance to meet more of them. When dating was local, people knew who the creepy men were and avoided them.

Hulk30 · Answer

from the Male perspective the blindspot's in this thinkin is some Women still want Men to show up a specific way do to their Conditionin if Relationship's mean more to Women and Sex to Men Women should definitely pursue Men for Relationship's and with Women's Laundry List of requirement's of changin want's it's best that Women actually do all the pursuin as a result

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Social media is killing modern dating. It gives people wildly unrealistic expectations of what their partner needs to bring to the table, and causes people to compare their own life to other people's lives, cultivating a sense of personal dissatisfaction. The world would have been much better off without the introduction of stuff like Facebook, instagram, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

Hard to say. Because it is a factor, but it's not the ONLY factor. The quality of dateable women in the dating pool has fallen steadily over the past couple decades and it started long before dating apps.

jshm2 · Answer

Neither as there is no "modern dating" monolith. Each country, and even cities in some places, have their own dating scene and structure.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Yeah it has changed a lot.. People used to actually want to find love and romance now so many people seem jaded and want to hurt everyone. I gave up the looking for now..

lightbulb27 · Answer

Yes, it's taking all the fun out of it. I suspect we've removed romance from media and imaginations first. wow that thought... she's a Tinder child. Did you pay them an offspring fee?

Anonymous · Answer

If you look at every 50 year period of time, people didn't date the same way as the generation before them.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

In my day you had to romance a girl before you slept with her. Now it's all backwards.

Anonymous · Answer

The apps have destroyed dating. It has made everything so superficial. It’s so rare to get past a first date nowadays because everyone expects fireworks from a total stranger and cut it off due to “no spark” after one meeting. There’s a reason it’s easier to date a coworker or someone you know from a social circle. Those environments let us get to know who the person really is over time.

Anonymous · Answer

They absolutely killing it, but they're plenty of other factors contributing aswell.

Celticwolf78 · Answer

What happened to the old fashioned way were you had a high school crush and went from there to dating for some reason people don't want to get out and meet people the way my generation did

Kassandra1994 · Answer

I had a few guys who forced their belief system into my face. I always get ask why I am not religous then on dates the dude starts preaching.

DonaldDarko · Answer

We should scrap the whole thing and leave reproduction to machines.

msc545 · Answer

Men date for sex. women date for money and for marriage. The only men who date for marriage are the ones that don't understand what kind of trouble marriage can be for them.

Staximus · Answer

Father time is a motherfucker, you can’t fight him. It’s best to just accept what it is instead of worrying about what could have been

dragoblack · Answer

No, what's killing it is the major lack of people working on themselves to get rid of the insecurities & baggage, and the overly self-entitled bullshite the dehumanizes people

genericname85 · Answer

romance never existed in the first place. it's fiction. real life doesn't have romance.

Guanfei · Answer

Modern dating is already dead. The state of dating now is men backing out and women failing to understand why.

Anonymous · Answer

True, everything is about looks  Womenn survey said they fell 80% of men are below average looking  And men liked 90% of profiles.

Anonymous · Answer

It's been killed, I wouldn't meet a women one on one these days because it's just not safe

WhitneySnow · Answer

You raise some really good points

Paige2006 · Answer

Just changing how it looks

DishLady · Answer

Yes.

queenofcardio · Answer

Some things have definitely changed

JasonAlison · Answer

Just changing how it looks

PartyLikeIts1999 · Answer

I say it how it evolves.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

A bit of both.

Micheal6918 · Answer

It is killing it

PsychoChris · Answer

Yes absolutely

chubbyruya35 · Answer

Ye It's romantic🥰

Is modern dating killing romance or just changing how it looks?

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