Do you feel used if you interracially date a white guy?

[Anonymous]

This is obviously for all girls that aren't white.

If a guy is into Asians, it's clearly a fetish or he wants someone to walk all over because of the submissive stereotype.

If a guy is into black women, he just wants the sexual experience. He's never going to marry her.

Is there one for Latinas? I haven't heard one, but he probably still has a fetish or something.

These seem to be the attitudes towards those types of relationships or they are excuses for not getting into them in the first place. My question is: If you are a non white girl that has been involved with white guys before, did you ever feel like he didn't care about you as a person just saw you as your race and a sexual experience? I'm not talking about one guy here. I'm talking about in general, did you feel that way?

[OpenClose]

Ugh, I know. I hate these stereotypes.

My experience with east-asian girls is that they are nice. In a submissive way? Possibly. But that's NOT what makes nice girls appealing. That notion is ridiculous.

Probably started with something like: "Men want nice girls because it ensures a submissive nature and so the man can remain in a position of power. This is always the man's main drive!"

That was how I was taught gender studies, civil rights, and feminism. That I'm part of a group of people who have no pure intentions or desires, but desire only power and subjugation of women. I'm sick of it.

Black girls? Well, my experience with black people in general is that they tend to be more soulful. This means many black girls have more attitude. Usually too abrasive for my liking, in some cases. Is it about the skin color, or a socialized notion of black skin as unattractive? That goes right up there with that other statement. I'm not into very curvy women with abrasive attitudes, race has nothing to do with it.

And white guys, of course, are nerds. Not in the cool way, like Asian dudes. No. White dudes are the skinny, uncultured, gamers who can't take their minds off sex unless it's food or more games. It's interesting, because while most white girls are admired for being into things like astrophysics, mathematics, engineering, etc. Guys are given a rather opposite treatment. It's unattractive to be passionate about math, physics, engineering, etc. Maybe it's changing? It's just a funny double-standard that only reinforces the stereotype that men are dumb. I'm sick of it.

Oh, white guys are also racist, tailor trash, members of the class that is oppressing everyone, power-hungry, money hoarding, sources of the world's evils.

I'm sick of these stereotypes and assumptions. Let's just date whoever and be whomever and get on with our lives.

[journeyman1126]

A veteran of interracial relationships, I just have to chime in on this one. It doesn't ever seem to matter to the women I'm with, but there are always friends and family of theirs that would like to see me walk in front of a bus.

That invariably leads to tension at family gatherings, etc. None of the Asian girls I've dated have actually let me meet more than one or two family members anyway, and never the parents. Every black girl has tried to assimilate me into the crowd, and most of the time there's never a hitch. I just have to be cool and not walk around like a tight ass.

They all (the others in her life) felt that way because there was a history of white guys just going for a thrill. So every non-white girl's friends and family is prone to have some expectation that she's getting used. She's probably going to have a thought now and then, but she wouldn't be with you if she couldn't overcome it. I know you're a nice guy and only dating girls for their personality, so they shouldn't have fears about it with you.

There's been a lot of white a**holes to have gone before us and made a real bad reputation for us to overcome. There are a**holes of every race, but white men seem to be the ones that do the most nation expansion and "minority" exploitation. One day interracial relationships where the male is white will be more common and less stigmatized. Hopefully soon, when we're a minority ourselves.

[definebeauty]

I'm black. I get advances from different ethnicities. the top 2 are Hispanic guys and white guys. I went out with a white guy one time very breefly. I'm talking 4 weeks tops. in that time he made about %94 of our conversations about race. I'm so serious. he said that I was the first black girl he dated but he lied because I later found out that he dated a friend of mine who is also black. he said that he loved me. bull. but we weren't sexually involved

i ALMOST dated this other white guy who always wanted to know about my culture and what I am mixed with, always asking. he also always made ethnic jokes in my presence.

so as a contrast, I was talking to a guy a good 4 months after the first white guy and I broke up. he was omg sexy. he was perfect. so beautiful. but anyway he was perfect gentleman and quite the flirt. he rarely made ethnic jokes at my expense or compared me to another black girl.

this has not deterred me from dating white boys, but it was taught me a lesson in dating: a guy who really cares about you would not make you feel uncomfortable even after you have expressed your discomfort.

[Anonymous]

I'm black. I've never dated a white guy...well I did very briefly in high school but we never slept together, wasn't serious and I don't know if that counts...

To answer your question, one of the reasons I would hesitate to date outside my race, especially a white guy, is because more than likely he's going to settle down with a white girl. Most guys will experiment with all the 32 flavors baskin robbins has to offer only to really get serious with one of their own. It would just be stupid to make myself vulnerable with a guy I would never have a future with.

The "I'd f*** one but not marry one" didn't just come out of nowhere. This has happened to a lot of nonwhite girls who have dated white guys. I am not sure if it's worth the risk just to get used up by a white guy when you could have better luck dating your own.

It sounds all well and good for people to say "race doesn't matter" but when real life experiences show you that it does to many people- which one are you gonna go with?

[Asker]

Apparently, Asian women and women under the category of Hispanic are getting married to them fairly often. Well, as a far as interracial marriages go. Black women/white men marriages have gradually been increasing in the past decade. The option is opening. Most people do stick to their own, though.

I understand why you would be hesitant. There are stereotypes about women that date white men (less so than vice versa), but I try to play it by ear.

[PoeticNinja]

When guys say they have an Asian (Black, Latina, Russian) fetish. I'd assume they'd only like girls from that race who are actually attractive.

I know a guy who love Asians but he's open to dating girls of any race for that matter.

All I've dated/liked were Caucasian guys, and I never felt in a way that I was being used. Most Asian girls have porcelain skin, baby face, very petite-like.. So, I don't fit in those categories. I don't feel that way, unless he was to bring up race ALL the time in a bad aspect.

[tom-tom-traveler]

Over the years, I found that I would gravitate towards Asian women because their background was very different from my own, and as such I always enjoyed talking with them. Despite this, I didn't date an Asian woman for almost all of the 25 years I was 'on the market.' In fact, I've dated women from many different races and cultures and I've found in all cases that it was the personality of the individual that sparked my interest more than her appearance/racial identity had.

Eventually (through a co-worker) I met a Filipina who was living here in the US and we began dating. My years of conversing with Asian women and paying attention to their cultures made it much easier for me to associate with and enjoy spending time with my girlfriend. After a couple of years of steady dating, we married and we now have two kids. My wife knows my partiality towards Asian cultures in general, but neither she nor I would've ever labeled my interest as a fetish.

Also, if you think Asian women are submissive, get into an argument with my wife. I'll enjoy watching her walk all over you. :)

[Anonymous]

lol actually when I hear about a white guy liking Asian girls I check the manner in which he carries on about it and if indeed he does carry on about it like we're not individuals I stay the hell away, they just gross me out.

I've dated white guys and they never had an Asian fetish so it felt comfortable... one ended up liking Asians as his first preference but he never made it seem like Asians are all the same (or that we're exotic.. -_-).

I think it's just off putting if anyone states their preference because it's usually taken in such a black and white way that if you're one of those you're like.. okay.. what's this guy or girl up to and if you're not, you're "rejected".

I like white guys :D ... but that's because that's my kind of culture.

[kereru]

yeah, I'm white but travelling and livng overseas I've had that kind of attention...in some countries people tend to think white= American and American = easy, or they see you as a fetish or trophy, something to show off to their friends...not as a individual...

but it's just like anyone who wants to use you...you can usually tell pretty quck if they're interested in you as an individual or for your stereotype, t wouldn't stop me dating different races/ ethncities.

[Asker]

I didn't even know about that. American television give them that impression, you think?

I think part of the problem is that not all women are as astute as that. Either that or they want to believe this person isn't trying to use them.

[DivaPrincess]

I really have a strong attraction to white guys but the few I dated chickened out after introducing me to his parents. As far as we have come in America, folks still have prejudice against people of color. I felt like I was good enough to date but not good enough to marry. So now I will approach with caution. Sad to say...

[Asker]

Are you sure it was based on race? It sounds like they had an interest in you or why else would they introduce you to their parents? But maybe I am thinking about how I do things rather than how others do them.

Nonetheless, that is sad to hear. I hope you do not give up if that's where your attraction lies.

[DivaPrincess]

I am sure cause I was down south and folks down there weren't too cool with race mixing as they put it. Smdh

[Asker]

Some southern states have some of the higher rates of interracial marriage between blacks and whites like Virginia and North Carolina. Not too far ahead or anything. It's probably mainly between black men and white women. :-/

I wish you better luck for the next time.

[DivaPrincess]

Thanks!

[justme20]

im black and I don't look at race. maybe a black female can just want a white male as a sexual experience with no intent to marry him. I'm involved with a white guy right now. I've ONLY been hit on and had prospects of dating white guys. the guy I'm currently with wants to marry me and have kids. the others guys also wanted something serious. I think if two people are going ot be involved be as honest and upfront for what you both want.

[leighleigh]

HAY! don't forget I want to marry you and have kids! -_-

[justme20]

well I am getting married to a white man and half persian hottie and having kids with doug and leighleigh :)

[leighleigh]

:) now you've earned your +1 :P

[gialuan]

I'm Asian and have dated 3 white guys (and an Indian guy). It depends on the guy. One of them had yellow fever, so it made me feel like that was the only thing he liked about me. And I would wonder how many other Asian women he'd find attractive. The other two have dated other races and I like that a lot because it shows he's open-minded and that he likes me because I'm such an awesome person.

[CrazyCherryBlossom]

I'm Native American, commonly confused as white since about the rest of me is 15% mix of European. But no, that's kind of like saying "I shouldn't date a white guy because Native Americans were destroyed by whites". Well, people tell me that at least. But I wouldn't feel used at all. If he was using me then, yeah, I would. Just like if I was dating a black guy, I wouldn't feel used unless I was actually being used.

[cavmanier]

Yeah it's like saying you shouldn't get 2 cats or a cat and a dog because in nature they may fight or compete.

[lala-193]

im mixed no I've never been made to feel that way by anyone before, I've definitely heard the stereotypes, but like all stereotypes I try to ignore them. being mixed myself, and having a lot of friends from mixed families I've seem how interracial relationships can be successful. also since I'm mixed any relationship I'm in interracial

[RedThread]

I've noticed this too... like say if I would say an Asian girl is attractive they would think I find ALL Asian girls attractive or I'd have some ulterior motives.. Same thing for all girls besides white girls.. it's freaking weird man. Girls are girls to me.. I don't care where they come from.

[leighleigh]

+1

[RedThread]

thanks :)

[Anonymous]

Yes I have those impressions about you white guys. There's a lot of white guys out their giving the decent ones a bad name.

I know tons of white guys with Asian fetishes

I also know some white guys who would sleep with a black girl but no intention of marrying her.

That wouldn't keep me from dating white guys but I would proceed with caution.

[Asker]

I can't say that I know any guys that have an Asian fetish. I kind of think "fetish" is thrown out there a little too often. A lot of guys find them attract and some may even prefer them, but I wouldn't say it's strictly a sexual thing.

I know a lot of guys that sleep with women regardless of her race with no intentions on marrying her. Black men aren't doing that to black women? I do know that some guys do this, though.

And that's better than generalizing or being naive about dating.

[Opinion Owner]

Good thing you don't know any because I know plenty. For me it's a fetish if a guy likes only (or strongly prefers) Asian girls because on some type of stereotype they have in their minds. You can find them acting like asses in Asia. They leave the US where they are losers and go to Asia in hopes of getting or sleeping with a ton of Asian women, thinking we won't know the difference Ha! It's disgusting. So white men should do that just because they think black men are?

[Asker]

So as long as his preference is not based on stereotypes, it's fine? Or is it the fact that he has the preference bad?

I wouldn't say they are all losers. Sure, some of them are, but if they are not having much luck here, I think they should go elsewhere and try their luck. Hopefully with improved confidence. Everyone deserves to love and be loved.

No, that's not what I meant by that. I meant that they do it, so why are we attached to that so often?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't have a high opinion if they have a strong preference for a race in general. For me that is unacceptable because there is so much variety in each individual race that it's ridiculous to me. Of all the preferences you could have you're worrying about race? However if its based on stereotype, which it usually is, then I find that especially disturbing and I avoid such people.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just saying that they think we're stupid and we don't know a loser when we see one. Other cultures don't want the losers of your culture any more than your culture wants them.

[Opinion Owner]

And also like I mentioned earlier, we know a loser when we see one, even if he's a white guy. Women who don't have the best intentions will see that he is desperate and they will take advantage of him. I have seen many of Asian women do this, I don't know if Black women or Hispanic women do this when desperate foreign guys come to their country or not but I'm almost sure they do.

[Anonymous]

nah I already have the mindset that he wants me for sex to fulfill his fantasy or fetish. I'd never marry one and he'd probably not go out with me in public which is why I'm so glad I got over being attracted to them.

[Asker]

As are most girls it seems.

[Opinion Owner]

Im still attracted to them since I am to any race,if a guy is good looking he's good looking. I know they tend to look away at me same with some Latino men. So Black men would be easiest to date . I hear stories about how they mention race a lot and make ignorant comments.

[Asker]

Yeah, they are horrible people. Most girls should stay away from them.

It's odd that you are still attracted though.

[Opinion Owner]

Well ima be physically attracted whether I like their personality or not. I just don't act on it. I know not all are racist though.

[Asker]

Alright. I guess I color people the same way that I am. When someone says or does something that I don't care for, I either find them unattractive or am neutral on them. Kim Kardashian would be a good example of that.

[Opinion Owner]

lol I thought you were white tbh

[Camilus]

"Is there one for Latinas?"

Yeah, I want to date a Latina just so she can teach me the lyrics to my favorite REGGAETON songs. Mami ven conmigo!

[Anonymous]

i'm black and I've only dated white guys. I wouldn't enter any relationship if I felt it wasn't for the right reasons.

[Asker]

Has anyone tried to talk you out of it because of these stereotypes? Know any friends that are attracted but refuse to get into a relationship because of it?

[Opinion Owner]

nope, a lot of people close to me who are black all inter-racially date. so if anything they encourage me.

[pandaninja]

Um, why would someone not marry someone just because they fit their fetish? if anything wouldn't that be an encouragement to stay with them?

[Anonymous]

my mom is black and she has been happily married to a white man for ten years