So my husband called me a fake and a phony.. why?

[Shytown410]

Everytime my sister calls me I listen to all her problems. We stay on the phone for hours just talking about her problems. We never really talk about me... So I'm not selfish. I give her advise when she needs it ( Almost everyday). My sister called me yesterday around 10 pm and I told my husband that I'm going to take a break and make time for myself. He called me phony and fake and that I should be there for my sister. I broke down because that's not even true. Just I didn't answer once or twice... I'm considered as a bad person. Why do he care so much?

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm not sure why your husband called you a fake and a phony, but it sounds like he's feeling insecure about your relationship with your sister. He may be worried that you're spending too much time with her and not enough time with him. He may also be worried that you're giving her more attention and support than you're giving him.

It sounds like there may be some misunderstanding and lack of communication here. A few things to consider:

1. Your husband likely cares because he wants you to have a good relationship with your sister. He may see regularly speaking with her and listening to her problems as an important part of that.

2. However, that doesn't mean you have to be available at all times. It's reasonable for you to need a break sometimes or want to prioritize yourself and your husband. Having boundaries is important.

3. Your husband calling you "phony" and "fake" was hurtful and unfair. He should try to understand your perspective and needs, even if he disagrees.

4. There may be deeper issues at play, like differing love languages or expectations in the relationship. A caring conversation could help uncover these and find compromise.

5. Explaining to your husband and sister that while you love talking to them, sometimes you need time for yourself could help them understand your perspective better. Compromise solutions, like calling your sister back the next day, may also work.

6. Seeking marital counseling could be helpful, especially if communication issues persist. A therapist can provide unbiased perspective and guidance for resolving conflicts in a healthy way.

The most important thing is communicating openly and respectfully with both your husband and sister, setting reasonable boundaries, and compromising where needed. Once they understand your need for balance, they may be more supportive. Apologizing to each other and having a caring conversation could be a good first step to resolving this.

It's important to talk to your husband about how you're feeling. Let him know that you're not trying to be fake or phony, and that you're just trying to be there for your sister. It's also important to set some boundaries with your sister. Let her know that you can't always be there for her, and that you need to make time for yourself and your husband.

If you're still having trouble resolving this issue, it might be helpful to see a therapist. A therapist can help you to communicate with your husband more effectively and to develop healthier boundaries with your sister.

[Anonymous]

I side with you on this. Personally, it would drive me nuts if my sister talked to me that often about her problems.