Guys, What does it mean if a guy friend says 'you'd look really hot if you ___'?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

Recently a guy friend and I were facetiming and he told me that if I grew my hair a little longer, I'd look really hot. I was flattered! But then I didn't quite know what to make of it. I like him but I'm not sure if he likes me or was just being nice. I mean we've been talking a lot more during quarantine but we've been friends for a couple years. And he has given me more compliments recently like "your skin is really really nice", "you smell so good" (pre-quarantine), and then stuff like this with the hair. He's said I'd look really good with longer hair, or even if I got highlights.

I asked a female friend about what she thought because I kind of took it in the sense that he wants me to change and that must mean I don't look hot to him now, but if I changed I might look hot; however, she said that "why would he say you'd look hot with long hair if he didn't think you look hot now?" And I was like oh-

So I would looove if guys could give me their opinions on this!

[Anonymous]

He’s telling you that he’s thought (or now thinking) of you as a potential romantic interest, or telling you what it would take to “tip him over to the side” of pursuing you as a romantic interest (instead of staying on the friend-side).

As an example, I once told a longtime female friend “If you had vamped it up back then [meaning: had been a little flirty or provocative] I would have asked you out.”

[Friendlybro79]

Just reading it, his sounds manipulating to me. Without knowing this person for sure it's hard to tell. Pay attention to things like this. It could be something to worry about if you were to pursue a relationship with him. I would never think to say something like that to a woman.

[Asker]

Why is it manipulative? Why would you never say it?

[Friendlybro79]

I'd call this passive manipulation. Not sure if that's a thing. I'm not a doctor so I definitely taking a guess here. Passive in the sense that a person could see if you change your look based on that negative comment. I say it's negative because of the implication that you aren't hot enough as you are but something like longer hair would make you ideal to him. I wouldn't say what he said to you to anyone for a few reasons.

1. I think it is demeaning to make comment to a woman on how she could do something better regarding her looks. Especially if you didn't ask him for input in the matter. For some, not saying all, or yourself for the matter, this could hurt someone's self esteem.

Also if a woman said something like that to me that I wasn't in a relationship with, I'd not want to be around someone who sounds so shallow.

[Avicenna]

It usually means he's attracted and has imagined himself having sex with you.

[chihuahua011]

Seems like he is either into you or just a good friend who likes to compliment. Why not ask him about it? No harm in asking.

[Asker]

I don't know, I'd just feel weird asking him. Then he might think I'm reading too far into his texts or overanalysing everything, and then he might start communicating with me differently (like he might become more reserved) and I don't want that to happen.

[chihuahua011]

I mean you don't have to make it all serious and awkward just casually drop it in like you are discussing the weather. If he just brushes it off then move on with the convo 😉

[farmboy91]

Sounds like he's either a really helpful friend who's not afraid to tell you you're hot. Or he's flirting. He sounds like he's a pretty sweet guy tho.

[Sniper22287]

He thinks you're hot and he likes you. He really digs long hair so he's letting you know. What does he have to lose? You're not gonna stop liking him over an opinion, and if you grow your hair long hell be all over you.

[gandolph3]

please yourself in the way you look, maybe down the road if you guys are an item you might do little things like that to please him. but right now he hasn't done anything to warrant it

[Wise4myage]

He likes you or he probably wouldn't have said you look hot. But why not ask him?