Is it ok to tell someone your not interested in them because "they're not your type" ?

[Crimsyjo]

So this guy was dancing with me at club. And I don't mind to an extent. In terms of being friendly. But if you dance with a guy they think that means you like like them. So I was keeping a little stand offish too. And I admire it cos this guy just asked me outright that he was sensing I'm not into him. And I said yeah sorry, your just not my type. And he was oh OK. He left for like 2 mins then come back and said "just out of interest what is your type" and omg... what am I supposed to say? That I'm physically not attracted to him? Aghh. Awkward. So just to put my foot in it lol I asked how old he was. He said 34. I said i like younger guys. He said but he is younger haha. (Than me). So true lol. But... yeah... that wasn't it.

Also... it's a tough situation cos I wanted to be nicer to him but if you dance with a guy your not interested in its gonna stop any guys you are interested in approaching right? Which I'm not usually looking for guys in my bar. I just go to dance. But my broken heart was in a "fuck it" mood this weekend.

[Finchie40]

Sadly both guys’ and girls’ can easily feel insulted when someone tells them you are not my type , I use to say that to girls’ that weren’t my type , and the looks on their faces were sad , which made me realize, it was an asshole thing for me to say to someone , even though that wasn’t my intentions whatsoever sadly , they usually take it the wrong way. Why it’s best to be polite and just say sorry , but I am already involved with someone else but thank you for noticing me , I feel flattered. Whether you are with someone or not , it’s best to use that line , just because we aren’t attracted to someone , it doesn’t mean they aren’t attractive to someone else. So instead of making them feel ugly and disgusting by telling them you are not my type , just say sorry , I am already involved with someone else. Picture how you would feel , if a guy you liked told you sorry you aren’t my type , you more than likely will assume you are ugly to them. You have to remember we don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads saying what we are into or what our relationship status is. We aren’t mind readers. So it’s best to deny someone with kindness by saying sorry , I am already involved with someone else but thank you for noticing me. The only time you should start being rude to someone , is if they don’t take No for an answer.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

For a very intellectual approach to your story then, but don't burn on this :D

let's go:

That's a common language issue, everyday we phrase what we mean improperly, because language, fundamentally, is imprecise and subjective. When you say "you're not my type", you imply that you have a type, while in fact what you mean is "I have distastes that I don't understand, probably can't, same for tastes". So when the guy asks you to specify, you evidently can't because what you meant is not what you said...

Now, there is nothing wrong here, and the guy has certainly a brain and a life's experience with this vague impression that language is not something to not cling on too much, because we are not made to analyse meaning constantly, if we did, we would spend entire days rephrasing everything :D

[Crimsyjo]

He wasn't English so maybe took it more literally than we would usually apply it. There isn't many ways to be nice to someone whilst simultaneously telling them you would never ever find them attractive 🙈.
Usually it wouldn't matter too much as long as they don't get gropey - but I was in a place of heartbreak again and looking for a "particular" kind of rendezvous. Dancing with him would not have got my desired results. Feel bad for him. A little.
As for words oh yes... so many meanings and inflections! Context, tone, body language... can all change a word in a blink of an eye.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You know, when I read your description of the situation again... You don't describe the guy as being displeased, in fact, you describe way more how it displeased you. So... 😆

I mean you describe a guy who's being curious, neutrally curious, so how much did he seem displeased to you and how much are you projecting here? 😅

[silvermoon84]

Only had one instance where a guy told me I wasn’t his type and it was on a dating app. My initial thought was “ouch”, but I thanked him for being honest and moved on with it. I’ve politely told guys they weren’t my type, most reacted the same way I did, a few tried to convince me to overlook it and date them anyway and I’ve even had a couple flat out insult me (fine! You’re not my type anyway you ugly post 30 old hag, when meanwhile 5 minutes earlier they told me that I was hot and pretty 😂). I’ve seen women call guys gay for rejecting them too, so I know both genders get defensive when rejected.

[Crimsyjo]

I don't know a politer way to say it!!! I think it's quite an honest easy way to say it? It just takes the receiver to realise that they really don't need more details. And shouldn't be offended. Like... if your not someone's type because they prefer taller? Well that's not an insult. It's just a preference and you can't change that about yourself so why even worry about?
Oh well...

[KpopMusicFan]

yes, it’s OK to tell somebody you’re not interested in them but tell them a nice way to say you’re not interested in dating right now. You don’t have to say hey you’re not my type just say that you’re not wanting to date right now put him down in a nice way..☺

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Which is a lie, she is interested in dating, it's a lie we all use for convenience, to not bother the other but... It's still a lie :D

[Summeroflove]

It can be awkward and just because you’re rejecting him doesn't mean that nobody will be into him he’s just not YOUR type as well as the fact you were very honest with him and don’t give false hope while being respectful was mature of you.

Sometimes it’s fine to have fun that doesn’t have any romantic and/or sexual strings attached to it. I am sure there are men who aren’t into you that doesn't make you undesired by the entire opposite sex.

At the end of the day if you don’t want to answer a question you can just kindly refuse or just say that it’s just your type but there are plenty of other women around here maybe even help set him up with somebody.

But don’t get into a fuck it mood and be with someone you’re not gonna be happy with. Not only are you hurting yourself but also someone you’re stringing along.

[Avicenna]

It’s usually better not to give a reason so the guy doesn’t try to argue with you over the reason you gave. Just say you aren’t interested.

[AviatorTom]

Of course it's okay to say that, it's honest. And you don't owe him any more explanation.

[hahahmm]

"it's a tough situation cos I wanted to be nicer to him" -- Or it's a tough situation because you sent mixed messages by giving him more attention than other random guys there who you weren't interested in. And actually all you had to do was go spend time with a different guy and the 1st one would have got the message to keep it moving.

[Lliam]

That's probably the kindest thing you can to say to someone you're not interested in.
I've said that to girls before.
It sucks if they press it further. They should be graceful and just get the message. I would probably just ignore the question. I don't owe them a response if they are that dense. Are they looking for insults or something?

[DannyUk2017]

You like Younder guys? Hm... That explains it! Good luck Hunting!

[DannyUk2017]

*younger... My Apologies...

[Crimsyjo]

Well I was feeling heartbroken and I never hook up in bars usually but this night i went out on a mission lol. And if I'm gonna "do that" then yeah... I tend to go for guys under 30. 🤷‍♀️

[DannyUk2017]

Is Totally up to you! But make sure it "won't backfire"...🤷‍♂️ As for hook up, where do you usually go for? If not in a Bar that is More people Socialising, i don't think you'll go for in a Church or a Cinema...😅😂

[Crimsyjo]

I don't usually go for hook ups in the sense of random stranger for one night. Cos I don't wanna risk my sexual health like that. I go club to dance!
I have had quite a few fuck buddy things which are similar to hook ups. But i meet them on dating sites, chat, get to know them a bit before meeting and then most of them i can see more than once. So i have had like 3 or 4 FBs that I can see. If one was regular enough (like weekly) then I'd just have the one. But tends to be a monthly booty call lol.

[Crimsyjo]

And for record I test regularly. And keep them informed. But it's not my ultimate aim. I've been stopping and only hooking up once a month whilst looking for a relationship.

[DannyUk2017]

Wow... i really appreciate your explanation, but as i said just make sure that doesn't backfire on you, and by that can mean many things... At the end of the day i understand that you have needs, we all do, is just sometimes can backfire so bad that all we feel is like just becoming so "small and hide" in the tiny place we can find... as for the "booty call" that sounded funny 🤭, My Apologies!. I know sometimes we can "compensate" the Heartbreak with a Quickie, but what happens when the opposite party gets "too attached", then from just an "innocent meet up fuck" becomes a Stalker Situation? That's why i was saying make sure it does Not Backfire on You.

[Crimsyjo]

Oh I get it. There's a lot worse that can happen too. And I've been aware for a little while now that if I meet a nice great guy... this recent track record of behaviour could definitely backfire and screw it all up. That's why I kinda wanna stop. But then it's hard because my search for a decent guy that I am also attracted to just seems impossible.

[DannyUk2017]

I'm Glad you Understand... that the whole situation can backfire, and also i appreciate that you're aware of the Danger... Well i don't know what to say about "prince charming" that you dreaming of, as i don't know you and i don't know... Your Standards, Your desires, Your Arousals, Your Attraction... so i cannot know how Prince Charming Should be (in your image) or how it should behave... what to have, what to not have... etc...🤷‍♂️😅😂😂

[Crimsyjo]

I just want a guy who loves and adores me and me him. Have loyalty and trust. Want to build a good life together and be happy. Have some goals and open to being spontaneous sometimes. That's all!!
I'm not a materialistic person.
I just adore making my man feel happy and doing things to make his day brighter. In love I give my everything. But usually I just get takers who do not do their part. Love, cherish, protect me.

[DannyUk2017]

I get you! You know i am the same... put my heart on a plate, open up so much, and been the loyal/romantic type that makes a woman feel like a Lady, and all i got in return was finger pointing, arguments, and always..."is your fault couse of this, is your fault cause of that", untill i DID NOT CARED ANYMORE! I was getting fed up, so now 2 years down the line is soo... Peaceful, Quiet..."someone else has that (stress) over their heads, and soon they will realise What Mistake they made, but Honestly... I Do Not Care Anymore...🤷‍♂️... Even though i built a house, and bought a car, and 2 children later, someone way shorter than me and her "seduced her" and He pays for "pussy power" 😅😂, but i don't care, i'm happy that is... Over! I don't expect to Fall in Love anymore, and to "bring down that barrier" would be a Super Hard Task for that "someone", but i'm Too Old now, to expect "stomach buterflies" like it was once before...😅😂😂

[Crimsyjo]

Omg your 3 years younger than me! Abd damn men hold the keys to relationships. So u are lucky! Women hold keys only to sex. So I can get sex easily but not a relationship.
But I understand the healing you are doing right now. I took 8 years to heal from my bad relationship. And then emerged last year wanting first just sex because of fear of letting my guard down again. But I've realised that sex is not enough. I do feel this is my last push at a relationship and if it doesn't work I'll accept life as a single woman going into my 50's. But I hope nor. I feel so much more free than ever now I want a relationship about "us" and not about finding a guy to have a family with.
It's a new and potentially exciting stage of life! You will hopefully get to this point again as well. I know... I sense you shaking your head in disagreement lol... but again. Most women want a relationship so you could get one easy. But if you are a giver like me... I guess opposites really do attract and we both only get takers?
Hopefully awareness can help circumnavigate this default setting tho yes?

[DannyUk2017]

Exactly... i like the way you think, and you're right... We are givers, but we get Nothing in Return... i mean we get but "💩", that's all... As about my head shaking you're also right... I am tired of..."everything will be ok, there is someone out there for you, you are strong, keep going", i heard these so many times that honestly they start becoming annoying... All i ever wanted was just..."Me and You", The mother of my kids, The Lady in the society and the slut in bed, The woman that turns a House in to a Home... but i guess was too much to ask... now just got "buried" in to my job, so i'm lucky that is this one thing that keeps me going... All them "little things" that i've done? Did Not Count! So i guess was all just for show.. All the promises, all the vows were just "empty promises"... But hey... We go with the flow... i was afraid to be alone, and maybe that's why i sticked around... But 9ne day i felt like "the knife poked my ribbs" and i said to myself... enough is enough... The only down side to me is that i'm "attaching" myself too fast... and a big factor in that is "my upbringing" and the only one to blame is myself... i should have been a.. time waster, a parasite that lives on his woman's back, a thug that at every little thing just smack the shit out of her/them... as i've seen that This still seem to "work", like even if they are abused, they are still "inlove" with that person, and when an "incurrable romantic"like me comes along, they think i'm a simp/looser... so yeah... usually when 💩 hits the fan i'm always there to "protect them", but when " it blows towards me" they all... Run! And honestly.. I Am Tired!

[Crimsyjo]

Aww. I get it. I really do. And I hate that for some reason I must overlook guys like you. Just as for some reason you overlook women like me? Cos that is me. My goal. My ideal. The "me and u" the lady (or angel I usually say) in society and slut (demon) in bed. And likewise I want a naughty dominant man in bedroom but a decent kind nice man everywhere else. I'm tired being one in charge of everything. I don't want to be controlled or in control. Just be equals and have eachothers backs. When one is faltering emotionally or physically the other picks them up.
And haha yeah... hearing other people say it will happen blah blah... that never helps. Only you can help yourself when u ready. It's like if someone u love dies and everyone says things will get better. Well yh you know it will but in the moment hearing that sounds dismissive of the pain your in.

One thing I want to add. Maybe no relevance but... when you say "when an "incurrable romantic"like me comes along, they think i'm a simp/looser" ... you know women who are not inlove think that. If you love and are attracted to a guy then all you want is for romance and a guy to cherish you". But when you don't feel in love you see it as weakness. I think. I maybe can't explain it and I don't understand it. It reminds me of the classic... when a woman dresses sexy for attention, if she gets it from a guy she likes she thinks it wonderful. If she gets attention from a guy she finds unappealing she calls him a creep and weirdo.

Just food for thought...

And sorry I don't have answers to our sorrows lol I'm still trying to figure all this out for myself.

[DannyUk2017]

Wow... I love your..."letter"...😅🥰... i haven't (talked) write with someone like this a long time now... And about everything i get it! I always was asked why i don't say "I Love You" often? ermmm.. because i Like to "SHOW IT"...🤷‍♂️😅... Today's generation do not understands nor have been taught that "good essences" are kept "in small bottles/containers", no need to Show off to be able to "see" that the other person Is Really Loving you... And about the Angel & Devil? Hahaha... that was a good one... I like it...🙃

[Crimsyjo]

Sorry. I hope this back and forth isn't boring u. But we do seem to be on same page. I just posted a question about whether other people will read all thos back and forth between us. I doubt it lol. But I'll follow you if u like just in case u wanna move it to dm. But haha its funny you say about showing rather than saying "I love you". I struggle with the words too. But I show it in a thousand ways. I'm not a touchy feely person really outside of love or sex. And with love... I will want to cuddle and snuggle and touch. And I'll say thanks and give a hug if doing something nice like doing the dishes to show my appreciation. I'll think up little surprises or pick up something I see at shops that is your favourite thing or something funny. My recent ex (it was 3 months so not sure can call it a relationship) he would say "I love you" lots. But without action behind it it waa just words. I heard him throw it out so easily, to me, or his son, his mum. And sure he loves them but I think you know what I mean. You say it often enough it's as familiar as saying good morning to a stranger. I always try to communicate. And apologise if I'm wrong. I'm not perfect. But I think communication is really important. But he didn't get it. Didn't understand what I needed from him.

[Crimsyjo]

He was on his phone ALL the time. I'd get that he didn't wanna go sleep sake time as me but I'd be like can you maybe put your phone down for five minutes when u cuddle me before sleep? Is that too much to ask? And of course should you need to ask such a thing? Especially more than once!
But anyways I diverge again...

One of the things I've been learning is to listen to men here and try to understand them so hopefully I can communicate even better in my next relationship. Sometimes I've Bern accused by women of having too much of a male POV lol. Like... sorry again. Skip this bit if u don't wanna hear it lol... but this woman said that she was self conscious about her weight abd the guy she was with was stroking her thighs and mentioned her missing going to the gym and how doing so would help with this sport she was into. She took it offensively and said in her upset she had a go at him. And he said he didn't mean it that way and gave reasons why it maybe come across that way.
Anyways other ladies were saying he's a douch bag dump him. It's early signs of a abuser, undermining her self worth. Well... i said look at him from a man's POV. 1st he's unlikely to have been making an issue of her weight because a he is dating her and b they hadn't had sex yet (what man would insult a woman he hopes to sleep with). And secondly she admitted that she was emotional when she had a go at him. I said she should apologise. The women had a go at me! Apologise!! Why should she apologise! I said not for her reasoning but because she basically came at him in attack mode due to her own insecurities and that probably got his defenses up so he gave reasons for what he said rather than apologise. And also consider that men usually like to "help" or "fix" rather than listen so his suggestion to encourage gym was probably meant in support of her sport interest and not anything to do with weight.

Aghhh OK I'm done lol

[Sharkstealth]

A club. I've had some pretty touchy feely dances in my time at clubs. I believe it would be the same still because i do dress and smell nice. In the garage parking lot also sometimes. Ill always remember this hot little brunette in leggings that i had my hands down in a club once. She gave me her number but nothing further happened.

Say what you need to say.

[quickquesocheese]

100% im not going to sit quite and act like nothing if im not interested in someone. Better act like an adult and tell things how they are.

[PeachyPie93]

Just say I am not attracted to you. Simple and gets the point across without giving them any sort of hope lol.

[M-Trimble]

Thing is being honest is always best, if they are not your type then say so, if not he may think your interested and keep things up, but if your not interested then your just leading him on and playing games.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, being direct and honest is always best. However, you have to expect some push-back. Men hate having the truth shoved in their face.

[RavVid]

Nothing wrong with saying you are not interested in a polite way which you did. There is a lot more than physical looks to our interest and I think something to that effect.

[Huntingnfishin]

He should have just taken the hint. If he didn't want to be hurt he shouldn't have come back and asked straight up. Someone's not your type it's healthier just to be honest with them and yourself

[jorfan3]

I mean, you have every right to do that... but you'll never find your soulmate that way.

[Crimsyjo]

But I 100000% would not like him at all. Ever lol. So I do give guys a chance if i see potential. My search for my soul mate goes on!

[jorfan3]

If you meet someone and you aren't attracted to them... Give them 2 months. If their personality doesn't make them attractive to you, then they aren't the one.

My husband wasn't attractive to me at all. Now I see him as cute as a button and very handsome. He is my twinflame.

If you look with your eyes, you will struggle. If you look with your soul, you'll have better luck.

[Crimsyjo]

I know. I'm not too sure difference between twin flame and soulmate but I've met twice in my life. But sadly not ones I can fully be with for reasons beyond our control. I'm struggling right now cos I felt the most beautiful deep connection that was 100% soul deep with a guy I fell in love with. And I just know in my gut heart and soul he feels it too. But things have gotten messy and it hurts so bad right now as we have to somehow let eachother go.

But I also know you can become attracted over time with someone. It's just in this case I knew.

[jorfan3]

Hey... This is gonna sound crazy... But will you tell me about that in chat? Maybe... Maybe I can help. I am learning a new problem solving skill that works incredibly well... Maybe you two could be together if we talk for a few minutes.

[jorfan3]

I'm actually a Realization Coach. I help people see solutions to problems and paths to goals they never saw before.

[Makeushiver]

That's a tough situation. You seem to have handled it with plenty of grace. I can't guess why he persisted. Was he loaded? Just out of curiosity may I ask why you were not interested

[ProbablyClueless]

If you aren't interested, then you aren't interested.

You should feel comfortable telling people that. Never hurts to be polite and tasteful though

[morganherrel]

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say "you're not my type." You're fine, girl.

I could be wrong, but this feels like a lapse in social intelligence, maybe from both sides.

[Crimsyjo]

It took me unawares. He read my clear body language and then called me out on it to clarify. Which is fine. Just not what usually happens. Like most forms of learning... you learn by mistakes haha. I'll try be better prepared next time.

[bowenw]

It may be better just to say you’re not interested and not give them any reasons so they can’t question it.

[RebelinSteel]

Yes it’s okay to do that, being open and clear is best way.

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

Nobody owes a relationship to anybody else. Just don't be an arse in how you express disinterest to them. Afterwards, how s/he responds is their problem.

[NYlatefun]

I don’t think you owed him any explanation, I don’t see any problem in saying he’s not your type and move on.

[Crimsyjo]

Yh that's why I was put on the spot. Saying your not my type is the politest way right? Tho I guess it can still be hurtful. Like if u said it to me... I'd maybe think am I too fat? Too old? Not attractive? And it could be all those things or none (maybe you like goth girls or taller or different skin colour). But best thing to do is just accept its a not interested and move on lol.

[NYlatefun]

Exactly, that guy was too intense…

[Still-alive]

a better way to do it is to simple say that you aren't interested. a bit more direct but if he's a decent guy he'd respect it.

[legalboxers]

Someone said that to me once. Your not my type. I was like "Animal Vegetable or Mineral"...

[LiamJHayden]

Yes. I love it when a lady is straight up like that.

[Cheerfull009]

You cannot judge a person only by dancing together for short time

[Crimsyjo]

You know instantly that they are not someone you could ever like tho... just from physical features you would never ever go for.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

she is not judging a person, she is expressing a distaste, really not the same thing lol

[Still-alive]

You’ve never met women you weren’t physically attracted to? This is what she’s talking about

[Cheerfull009]

@Crimsyjo, if you know then , then why you complain against his attitude?

[Babygirl_S]

No, I wouldn’t do that

[Jrg98]

Yes put a stop to it soon

[TurboAnon]

That's such a bullshit excuse.

[Crimsyjo]

Why do you think so? Just interested. I felt it was very honest. Without listing exact reasons why I would not physically ever be into him. Which wd be much more cruel.

[EnjoytheDay777]

Sure, nothing wrong with that.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Yes, but sensitively.

[Guacamole409]

I would not.

[Crimsyjo]

What would you say? Just "not interested"? What is they ask why? Is it not natural and polite to say "sorry your just not my type"

[Guacamole409]

You need some sav·oir faire. My young work-pal told me he wanted to be an actor and he was going to be interviewed for a zombie part in a local filming of a zombie series. When he didn't get the part, he was very upset.

I told my young work friend that he was a total fucking idiot to try out for zombie roll!
"What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Zombies are hideous and ugly, you are too good looking! Stop being stupid. Look for roles that require handsome actors!"

He smiled. My job was done.

[Crimsyjo]

So I should have told him my type is uncouth and ugly... and he was too handsome and suave for me! 😂 I like it!

Savoir faire 🥰

[Guacamole409]

Whatever it takes. :)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@guacamole409
reverse psychology totally works, but in your situation you had time to consider the approach to use, crimsy probably didn't have enough time for this lol

[Guacamole409]

Now she knows.

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah haha. First time someone directly asked me. I'll be better prepared next time 😄

[Guacamole409]

Start building your mental-Rolodex. Never leave yourself blind-sided. Have all the answers, way before you're asked the questions.

Fred: Crimsyjo, would you like to be my girlfriend?

Crimsy: Maybe. Steve has been talking about being polyamorous. Let me get back to you on that. . :)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

If the idea is to turn into a walking chatGPT, I would object to this strategy, unless Crimsy wants to be skynet 😆

[Guacamole409]

@Maybe_Maybe_not

The idea is to not crush souls.

[Crimsyjo]

I'm flattered but I'm not into girls. I like to be nice tho. Always. So i value the opinions here

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Not into girls? What's the relation here or is there any user I don't see? 😅

[Crimsyjo]

@Maybe_Maybe_not yh I was drinking some whiskey. Wrong end of stick here lol

[CubaPirate]

Just say what you see

[MasterKS]

Its you body, your choice!

[Smashingdoozy]

Absolutely

[impalabill77]

I think it is.

[noohair]

Sure.

[nawtee_me]

Yes it is

[eagle1951]

yess