I saw on my girlfriend's phone she was sending dirty text messages to some guy?

[Anonymous]

We have been having relationship problems for the last few months. We haven't had sex in a few months. She says she loves me very much and cares about me.

She always has her phone with her and she texts up a storm where I cannot see. This morning she went to the bathroom and her alarm went off. On her phone I saw some cyber sex back and forth between her and some dude.

Do I confront her about it? Do I bring it up? Do I investigate some more on her phone?

Updates

+1 y

Should I get more evidence to be sure she is?

Updates

+1 y

So I got more info, he is a guy at work with kids. He says "love you" but she doesn't respond

[Pinkicedkks]

Definitely confront her, don't do any sneaky stuff.
Be calm and not angry or upset. Don't make it look like you were snooping, just say you happened to glance at it and would like to give her a chance to explain.
If she tries to talk her way out of it but won't show you messages then that is a bit suspicious, ask to see physical evidence.

If she is cheating, don't stay with her, get out of there, you will both regret staying with each other eventually if you do (I know by experience).
Cheating honestly ruins the integrity of a relationship. If you did stay together after there would be no trust, there would only be suspicion and sneakiness, not something to build love on.

[notsothrillinglife]

You should definitely confront her about it. She'll probably get mad that you were snooping through her phone, but you should tell her that it popped up and you were wondering what the deal was with it. I don't think you should continue to look through her phone without confronting her about it first, because she'll feel like you're invading her privacy, even if she's doing something bad.

[Star2134]

This relationship sounds like it's over. You could confront her about it, or you could just end it before it inevitably turns in to her actually sleeping with someone. I was in a similar situation and I did always try and justify it by telling him I still loved him, and I did. But more like how you love a best friend and get used to them being around.

[Asker]

Why did you do it?

[Star2134]

I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the relationship.

[Asker]

What made you lose it and what weren't you getting out of it? Did you ever feel for him again? Did you guy you cheated on ever end up serious?

[Star2134]

I just out grew him, I was quite young when we first started going out. We were just totally different people. I still miss him now, and we broke up 6 months ago. I never cheated on him per se, but I'd be texting other guys while we were together then I'd say I wanted a break when I did sleep with someone else. We were together for 4 years, obviously he didn't really trust me and I wasn't strong enough to let him go so I kept stringing him along.

[drowningcreek]

Definitely confront her about it, she could possibly be cheating. That's not something you do in a relationship and more than likely you're not having sex together because she is getting it else where. If in face she is cheating, she has no respect for you, leave her.

[Asker]

She's going to deny it right? Should this be the first thing I do?

[drowningcreek]

She will definitely deny it. Make sure you stand your ground and tell her the evidence you have. She may try to make you feel guilty and say "you shouldn't have went through my stuff" etc, so be prepared for things to get a little hurtful, she is only trying to change the subject and pin it on you. Stand your ground. You need to confront her now otherwise, you will have this weight on your shoulders and you don't deserve that.

[Asker]

I stand my ground and confront her, do we basically break up? Should this be the first thing I do?

[drowningcreek]

You will probably end up breaking up, yes. You have to confront her about it, so would you rather worry yourself for days, weeks until you get more evidence, or go ahead and get it over with? Why prolong the pain...

[Asker]

What do I say? I snooped on her phone?

[drowningcreek]

Yes, because who cares, she shouldn't be cheating! You needed to find out anyway before you get an STD. Always think the worst, she is being dishonest and has no respect for you, so the fact that you invaded her space means nothing because it's what anyone would have done and you two are together and you deserve that right.

[DifferentLine]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like your relationship is over. If she truly loved you, she wouldn't feel the need to indulge in cyber sex with some other guy. I don't see how you could possibly trust her again after this.

[Red_Arrow]

Which is it? You said cybersex ("love you" is not cybersex) and "back and forth" but your update said she didn't respond. Does not compute.

[Asker]

They talked dirty, he said love you and she just replied with other stuff (she didn't say love you).

[Red_Arrow]

That makes more sense because "she doesn't respond" means she does not answer anything at all back.

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[HungTexan]

It’s probably just an online distraction since you aren’t having sex with her. How do you have a healthy relationship with no sex for “a few months”? Women get horny just like men. Instead of worrying about some random married dude and text messages, you need to start seducing her like when you first met, and f*ck her brains out daily. She’ll forget about sexting very quickly.

[Anonymous]

I would just honestly tell her I saw her phone. If you're not giving her attention, she'll seek it from someone else. It's just as simple. Don't let yourself be played as a fool. Confront her!

[Asker]

I feel like I was giving her attention, I always gave her back rubs and got what she wanted. I didn't take her out enough and attend to her other needs. But this isn't right, is it?

[Opinion Owner]

It's not, I am telling you that because I used to the the exact same thing. I felt the need to look for acceptance and affection somewhere else. Why are you two not having sex?

[Asker]

I touch her and she moves my hand and says not in the mood. Before it was because we were busy, and we'd have sex once a week.. sometimes every few weeks.

I gave her affection, said how beautiful she was, touched her... that is still not it? I mean cheating is not right in anyway?

[Opinion Owner]

There's this saying that says that girls cheat based on emotion and guys cheat based on instinct. Basically that means that guys when they cheat, it's just sex. But when girls cheat, they already have an emotional bond with the other person. It might mean that your girlfriend was already talking or had contact with him before you found this out and is why she has been rejecting you. She is not invested in you anymore. Maybe you're just the best option for her right now considering the circumstances. (he has a gf, he lives far away, etc). Talk to her, tell her what you saw, tell her that you are not happy. Don't be a pushover. Girls don't really like that. So just confront her. Take control of this situation. Cheating is not okay, ever. And you should have some self respect to not tolerate it from her!

[Asker]

I confront her, it is basically we break up right?

I should totally confront her about what I found or what find more?

[Opinion Owner]

Nah you don't have to break up necessarily. You have to confront her. Your decision is based on how you feel at that moment and if you feel you can deal and live with the truth.

[Asker]

Should it be the first thing I do?

[Asker]

Can I get her back and invested into me again?

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[dominiquois]

Wow, if that's the case your girl is a ho yo.
I would confront and most likely dump or at least give an ultimatum if I were you.

[ThreeIn]

Why have you put up with the relationship problems for so long?
Yes, confront her and dump her.
But first, get a copy of it all and post it on her FB.

[KiaTate]

Get more evidence before you confront her because she'll try her best to make you seem like your crazy or overreacting.

[Asker]

Should I just look on her phone?

[KiaTate]

I think so

[Asker]

Would this just confirm it more?

[KiaTate]

It might, just look through it

[Asker]

I looked through and found out who it is

[KiaTate]

I think you confront both of them, do not try to fight the guy and leave your girlfriend she is not good for you can do better than her.

[plain_table]

You should bring it up/confront her about it.

She's cheating on you.

[Asker]

Should I get more evidence to be sure she is?

[plain_table]

I don't think it's a good idea to get more evidence... But you should ask her about it directly.

It'd not be good for you, if you stay with her... She might find a better way to send dirty messages to the guy (you saw that she was using her phone. So she'll find out some other way to do it, so that you won't come to know of it).

[Asker]

How do I deal with her? Do I confront her right away that I looked on her phone? She asked what I was doing tonight and said she would come out with me... should I tell her not to?

[Anonymous]

Ask her about it and if she tries to deny it go through her phone in front of her. Then dump her ass

[Insaan]

Mmm she is distracted by Someone else.
Now time to move on boyyyy!

[Keyspirits]

Dunk dat bish out da door xD
Flirting wif another dood other than me is UNACCEPTABLE! I'd confront her...GAME OVER.

[mario1321]

No what you do is find a girl you can talk dirty with than leave your phone where she can find it and see how she responds, than act accordingly

[Anonymous]

What more is there to investigate? She's cheating on you. Dump her.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, she said she was single. Won't text her again.

[mammaof4]

Confront her then leave her

[Asker]

We live together

[mammaof4]

Then I suggest u move out cuz if she hasn't cheated yet she is going to

[CommieDearest]

Um yeah she's cheating. Sorry dude. I'd leave her.

[EvilPimp]

Time to dismiss that bitch.

[xXBerserk]

End it. Just like that.

[KhaysunDei]

Yeah, you should talk to her about this.

[binny91]

I think you may have caught her watching p*rn

[Anonymous]

i guess he is giving her more attention than you

[alltheabove1212]

Dump her ass

[Anonymous]

I think it's time you ended this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Dump this slut