Why am I attracted to guys that look like my father?

[Anonymous]

I noticed that i'm attracted to guys that look like my father.
Btw, my father has black hair, light brown almond-shaped eyes and olive skin. If I see a guy who has some of his features, I'm automatically attracted. Especially, if he's got the same eyes, I find the guy sooooo attractive.

However I don't have good relations with my father. I live with him, my mother and younger sister. I was kind of close to him when I was a baby and a toddler (according to my mother).
But since my approximately 8 years old, I became more and more insolent, I know I wasn't an easy child, it's ok to punish me but him, he started to talk to me bad and insulting me (sometimes for nothing). Sometimes he slapped me in the face or grabbed my neck in front of people. As you can see it's contentious between us, we're mean towards each other and there's only a few times when we're not arguing. He also doesn't care about me at all, says I'm good for nothing even though I'm a good student.

So why am I attracted to guys who look like him?

Updates

+1 y

and if they have the same origins as him (italian), i'm even more attracted.

[SweetAmara]

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your dad. I hope things in prove.

According to science, it's common that any women try to recreate what they know, so for you this means people who look like your father. Maybe that's because of your unresolved issues and your desire for a more placid relationship between the two of you. I am unsure.

[Asker]

I don't think things will be better. It's like this between us, he can't stand me so do I.
But he also said a lot before that I looked like his paternal aunt (she actually looks like my father's dad). And he doesn't talk anymore with his father since he's 13 or 14 because he left him and his mother.
Is it linked to the way he treats me?

[SweetAmara]

That was supposed to be many*
Yes, I'd say so. So I'd be wary of who you invest time in. Unfortunately many girls who have difficult relationships with their fathers often repeat them same things in their romantic relationships. Just remember you deserve to be treated well and so does your partner. So for any reason they don't treat you right, cut them loose, and maybe find a man- an uncle, an actor or someone who cam be a positive guy in your life.

[Asker]

Don't worry, if a guy talks to me like that, I'll treat him the same way. I don't let my father talk bad to me so I won't let another do.
So, as he sees a bit of his father in my physical appearance it increases the fact he doesn't like me?

[SweetAmara]

You go, girl!
It's possible. Sometimes unresolved family issues can bubble to the surface in that way. Its hard to know what really happened between your dad and his father; but maybe your looks or your personality, for want of a better word, trigger him. It's often the most independent take-no-nonsense child who a parent finds themselves opposed to.

[Asker]

;)
Sorry, English isn't my first language, what did you mean in your last sentence? :)

[SweetAmara]

Sorry, what I mean is because you don't let him push you around, he probably finds you more of a challenge to deal with. Especially if your both headstrong.

[Asker]

You're perfectly right, we both are headstrong x) My mother say I have the same personnality as him, but I don't think it's right, I don't want to be like him.
I remember now, some people in my family say I seem to be a daddy's girl...

[SweetAmara]

Mmm... I wish there was some way I could help you two reconnect. He may feel unfulfilled in his own life and now seeing you get closer to beginning your own, he's looking back and jealous.

[Asker]

It's really kind of you, but there's nothing to do. My mother has already tried and it doesn't work. Also, it's not everytime arguing but we're never close, never talk a lot together.
You really think he feels that way? If yes, he doesns't show this at all. He shows the exact contrary. Why jealous? I always wish me all the bad things for my future...

[SweetAmara]

I see.

I think he may really feel that way. When we're young we have lots of dreams and when they don't turn out we feel let down. Those unfulfilled people can often be very nasty or even try to tear others down because their broken on the inside. I don't know what your dad's been through; but there's always a reason. His own issues with his father may have impacted his parenting too.

[Asker]

I wish I could know what was his dream... Maybe a normal family? I forget to tell you that, even after his father left him, his little brother and mother, his mother always went to parties, dating guys, didn't really take care of them and she didn't work leaving with the pension my grand father had to give her.

My father never says anything about his childhood. Also he was the eldest son of his father, and me too, is it linked to the fact he has only his behaviour towards me but not with my sister?

[LastGirlScout]

It's generally referred to as Daddy Issues. You're most likely desperate for his attention and acceptance due to your bad relationship during childhood and have underlying feelings of resentment toward him. Freud would have a field day with you.

[Asker]

Sooo, I'm trying to find the same physically because of our bad relations? But, why? Do my subconscious hope to kow a guy that looks a lot like my father but who is kind to me?

[LastGirlScout]

It's more of a supplicant father, of course I'm not saying it's definitely the case with yourself I don't know you well enough, but it can often be that you are trying to gain acceptance from a father figure, so by going for guys that look like your dad your subconscious can work through it's issues by swapping your fathers acceptance with the acceptance of this new guy. You can make this new man happy, he looks like your father and you have/want to have a close relationship with him, you want to be loved and accepted.

[Asker]

Wow, you explain everything well, you have a good sense of psychology, thank you very much for helping me :)

[LastGirlScout]

No problem, this is bound to cause issues in the future if you don't resolve things with your dad and may have a negative effect on your relationships. I wish you all the best though, just remember, you aren't to blame for your dad being a dick to you when you were little, that isn't your fault.

[Asker]

Really? I mean, I know I'm suspicious when a guy shows me any interest, because I always think he's making fun of me or insulting me behind my back. Also, when a guy shows interest - a way I can't doubt about - I'm afraid and ignore him. Aaaand, I like to get the guys' attention, for example make a lot of eye contact but since the moment he starts being attracted back, I ignore him. I've done this with quite a lot of guys. Don't know if it's linked to my father, though...

[LastGirlScout]

You crave the attention, but you shy away when you get it. Do you think it could be that you want to be noticed but are scared of rejection? If a man approaches you you know he likes you and it also puts you in a position of power; you can be the rejector. You're probably suspicious of guys because your previous relationships with men have been built on bad foundations, a man that is supposed to care for you didn't, if your father can't bring himself to treat you right why would anyone else?

[Asker]

That's it! Once again you understand me really well. I'm also afraid of commitment, in my opinion, but that's something else.

[LastGirlScout]

Ah, I wouldn't be so sure to chalk it up entirely to something else. Commitment issues can be linked to the same type of thing. When you commit fully to someone the risk you take is higher becuase you invest more in them emotionally, and the more you invest the more you have to lose. Putting up obstacles in the way of commitment can be a way of protecting yourself, much like allowing the guy to approach you, it puts the power in your hands. If I don't commit then you can't hurt me. Do you see the similarities between that and the problems with your dad? As a child you were heavily invested emotionally, you are supposed to have a strong bond with parents but when you are rejected by someone who is supposed to show unconditional love it can be a hard thing to accept and close you off from making other meaningful bonds with people.

[Asker]

So everything is linked... And it means I often mess up with guys because of him... Oh, well, I didn't think...

[LastGirlScout]

Hey, I'm not saying this is fact, I'm making some pretty broad assumptions based on what you've said, but they are just that, assumptions. Half the battle with things like this is figuring out 'Why'. Once you get a hold on the reasons causing issues you can start to work on them, even just identifying them can be therapeutic and free your mind up to start on some resolution.

[Asker]

Anyway, you really really helped me a lot :) It's nice of you, than you very much :))

[LastGirlScout]

No problem, I hope things improve for you.

[Asker]

I hope too, and I hope I won't ignore the next guy who shows me interest :)

[LastGirlScout]

I personally have a hard time dealing with attention too, I don;t like it and it makes me feel uncomfortable, but that's because I don't think I deserve the attention. You just have to 'allow' the other person to find you attractive, you have to tell yourself that it's absolutely fine if they see you as attractive - you don't have to, just let them. Imagine if you saw a boy you liked, but he thought he was worth so little that he didn't even want you to speak to him, that would be a little upsetting because all you want to do is tell him how great he is, well that's just how it is for other people. Let them be attracted to you, it doesn't have to change the way you feel about yourself (although having a negative image of ones self isn't healthy, as I have one I can't really advise on how to improve it!). Let someone have the joy of complimenting someone they like, it's your gift to them :)

[Asker]

Oh, I like attention, but I always think people look at me for bad reasons x)
Why have you a bad image of yourself? :/

Can you help me again please? It's about a question

[LastGirlScout]

Message me if you like.

[Asker]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1204053-why-would-a-guy-push-his-friend-towards-a-girl

Here's the question link, can you answer it for me please? :)

[Eternallylucky]

He is your male role model in your life, predominantly speaking and so he influences you subconsciously who you attract that you hate or admire in your personal life.

[mario1321]

Because fathers are the first men in girls lives and most of the time their first loves (not in a perverted way) and they compare all men to the first, im sorry your father is a jerk but try not to fall for guys with the same traits.

[Asker]

I don't like his behaviour, I hate it, to be precise, but I've always think he's an handsome man :)

[mario1321]

Thats perfectly normal for girls to find their fathers handsome, its because like i said they are the first ones in a girls life, his behavior sounds very abusive and harsh, the bad part is a lot of girls will unintentionally seek out those same behavior traits in other guys unfortunately.

[Asker]

I hope I won't, I hope I won't!!! I mean, his mental toughness is a good thing and he's a man who works hard and all but the rest of his traits...

[mario1321]

Knowlede is power and now you know you will be just fine:)

[Asker]

Thank you guy :)

[mario1321]

Your welcome girl:)

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Maybe you are trying to replace your father with a version that is nice to you.

[Clovergirl-Lily]

it's natural. despite how the relationship is. girls like guys who have traits similar to their father, and guys like girls who have some resemblance with their mother

[FurtileSpermRelease]

You are a very Dirty little girl, i know whats on your mind, i know exactly what you are thinking. you're very naughty and a dirty little girl indeed. Im not gonna tell you what to do but im just make sure that you know that I know.

[Anonymous]

They say men go for women like their mothers to. It's actually kinda natural but weird lol.

[FurtileSpermRelease]

Lololol whered you learn that mumbojumbo?

[1NAMDERAJ]

Maybe you have daddy issues