Girls, My girlfriend likes sitting on my lap?

[Anonymous]

I want her to stop, but I don't know how to tell her. You see, my girlfriend likes to sit on my lap. It's nice, I guess, but she tends to sit sort of... high up and she tends to jump on my lap fairly quickly when I'm not expecting it. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't, but she hurts me, like A TON... in all the most sensitive parts. So if it happens, I have to quickly usher her off to either curl up in the chair or on the ground, and it IS a small chance this happens, but since she does it so often, it has happened more than I can pass it off. BUUUT, I still like it when she sits on my lap, just cuz it's affectionate and whatnot.

Explaining it is a bit awkward since she doesn't like me mentioning anything "sexual" even though this isn't sexual. So, how do I tell her to stop, but NOT tell her to stop?

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And the reason why she didn't notice it before is because she grew up in a kind of sheltering family (they're slightly more lax now but still sort of sheltering), so she innocently thinks that the reason why I get hurt is because she backed into my stomach (but it's a whole lot worse). But if I so much as say "balls" she thinks I'm trying to be inappropriate and gets mad at me.

[Anonymous]

Try scooting her a bit farther away from your sensitive parts and if she asks why just explain to her whats going on, she won't take it the wrong way just tell her that it's sensitive there and that she can still do it but not as high up as she usually does. Because she probably feels bad when you move her away for "no reason" (in her mind). So try telling her that.

[Asker]

Yeah... I know I'll need to explain it to her. I just don't know how! She gets mad if I mention anything she deems "inappropriate".

[Darlynne]

Just explain to her gently that the area around your crotch is very, very sensitive and it can hurt really badly if something slammed into it unexpectedly. Or maybe use a metaphor? "It's as painful as getting punched in the eye"

[Asker]

That actually could work since it's more "euphemistic". (Although, I'd say it hurts WAY more than getting punched in the eye XD). But I like the metaphor thing since it's more indirect, but that's not quite the right metaphor lol.

[Darlynne]

I couldn't think of any right metaphor simply because I would have said something like "as painful as getting punched in the vagina" but that's just inappropriate for your girl. I'm sure that you can find some other metaphor that could be comparable.

[Asker]

Hm, I'll think about it. But I thought it's not that painful getting hit in the vagina? Unless I've wrong this whole time, but it doesn't make sense that that's true...

[Darlynne]

Was gonna say "get stabbed in the vagina" but that's way more painful. I think that getting punched in the boob would be a better fit. It's actually surprisingly painful and it lasts for minutes if hit hard enough.

[Asker]

But, like, balls are BALLS. I don't know about girls, but I can't even take a bump there without curling up on the ground feeling like my insides are being twisted in a vice! I mean... I know it hurts for you girls to get hit in the boob, and I sympathize with that (that MUST hurt), but i kinda sorta don't think it hurts more than getting hit in the balls (im sorry don't kill me...)

[Darlynne]

Actually, you know what? You could compare it to period cramps. Jesus christ those hurt like a bitch. It feels like someone stabbed you in the pelvis and twisted the knife because you're literally bleeding internally. You also get an overall throbbing pain in the general crotch area just cause why the hell not.
Whenever I get my period, all I can do is lay on my bed in fetus position and hope it doesn't get worse.
Sorry if this was more info than you requested.

[Asker]

oh man ouch... I'm sorry you have to go through that 😬 like, seriously, the next time you get a cramp, I hope you feel better :) My girlfriend doesn't really get that bad of cramps, so she's probably not going to relate very well XD, but that's probably the most accurate metaphor. Either that or giving birth (I heard that hurts a crap ton like our balls).

No, no, no it's fine! The more info the better, since I really, REALLY want her to stop hurting me XD

[Darlynne]

Thanks. I never got these bad of cramps until I turned 17 or so. Anyway, I hope you'll find a more fitting metaphor than I did.

[Asker]

Thanks, I'll probably just say "it hurts like having a baby" since her cramps aren't bad.

[PastelGoth]

Tell her to be not careful about sitting on you, and if you don't like it, just tell her the negatives and what not to do

[Asker]

I mean, I like it but it's just hurting me a lot. How do I say it so she doesn't get mad at me?

[PastelGoth]

"Hey babe, be careful when you sit on me, my legs are sensitive [laugh it off].. be gentle." And you know to make it seem like everything is okay wrap your arms around her, it makes us girls feel special 😃

[Asker]

Haha, I don't wanna lie to her, though! I mean, if she's that sensitive about certain subjects then I might have to, but I don't want to come to that! But I think I'll try not making it that big of deal like you said... still, lying to her doesn't feel right.

[PastelGoth]

it's not lying, it's just so she doesn't get mad about it lol! and you just don't want her to be upset with you when it happens. But here's more advice.. it's not the message it's the delivery. As in its what what you said, it's how you said it. does that make sense?

[Asker]

Yeah, that's good advice. I just said it was lying because I don't want to say "my legs are sensitive," since, ya know, it's not them that the sensitive part 😬. But like, I said I might have to lie if she's gonna get mad at me for saying anything crotch related.

[PastelGoth]

oh, I thought you meant ur legs lol! but hey, you're a guy, and that can be sensitive when someone is jumping on you, right? just explain that to her, I think she'll understand

[Asker]

Nah, she gets mad at me XD She grew up in a sheltered family and she think's I'm being inappropriate if I say things like "balls," which makes her really mad. So I can't explain it to her, except through being really careful.

[PastelGoth]

Well, I have no idea. 😂😂

[deraz24]

just explain it to her, and tell her sit a little softer

[Asker]

It's hard to explain things to her. She's a bit... sensitive about any "private" topics. That's why I'm having trouble.

[deraz24]

You can word things so it's not as bad but she needs to know unless you don't mind the pain