Do women struggle to find friends in adulthood?

[Anonymous]

So I don't really have female friends. Well 2 but we barely talk anymore and I just feel like a person of convenience. I hang out with my fiance, he feels like the main person I'm around the most. I go to my brother's house to see what he's up to at times. I try to talk to others but it just feels hard to get reciprocation back from other women. It's hard to find others like minded like myself. Most of my life a bunch of women bullied me and called me nerd, lame, wack, etc.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I'm sure there are some who do, but I personally haven't had any issues finding female friends of differing varieties. I have some that are nerdy like me and I have some that aren't into things like gaming.

[Asker]

I barely find anyone like that honestly

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Just depends on your interests on where to look honestly. If we have common interests, I might be able to direct you on where to look.

[slatyb]

What do you enjoy doing? If you had female friends, what would you do together? Have you looked for activity groups in your area for activities you enjoy?

[Asker]

I like to go to the mall, travel, go to comic con's, exercise, art. I had art friends but they live in other states and it's hard to hang or they're busy themselves

[slatyb]

There are tours for single women. One of my ex-girlfriends went on a few -- one skiing, one to a ranch in Montana riding every day. Whatever you would like to do, there's a group doing it.

[TheBootyChest]

I am totally in the same boat.

I try to reach out to people genuinely, but don't get much back in return for all that I put out to these people.

[LrningthisLife]

th struggle is real.

[TheBootyChest]

Yes it is.

Whats your current struggle?

[LrningthisLife]

as if the pandemic changed people, socially.
I'm an introvert.

Not much a struggle there, i look forward to the future though.

[TheBootyChest]

I can be an introvert too. I look inside myself to try and learn more about myself.

[LrningthisLife]

yea..
It's real quiet. I think friendships are nice, it's luxurious and sometimes quality alone time is just great.

[Asker]

Same not like I can't talk to people maybe I just put people off somehow. Majority of women I know aren't into things I'm into.

[TheBootyChest]

I am into a lot of things women are, but they don't want to talk to me about it, and I am not into most typical man things.

What are you into?

[LrningthisLife]

same. some women are standoffish to me in 1st impression. I don't know why

[TheBootyChest]

@LrningthisLife I feel like I am good at meeting people but horrible at keeping them my friends shortly after that.

[LrningthisLife]

ikr.. it's not like i won't go an extra mile to maintain good friendships, they just don't preserve. I have tried to keep up friendships that reverted to just acquaintances.. Perhaps I seek depth or meaning where it's not taking effort. Just someone who stays by you through easy and hard times, true friendships like those- i know are built overtime. I'm not trying hard anymore. Que sera sera is my motto for now

[TheBootyChest]

@LrningthisLife I go above and beyond for people in hopes they want to be my friend. But it doesn't work. And I too want to have deep meaningful friendships.

[LrningthisLife]

I understand.. maybe, I think with going above and beyond you'll want to check if you have people-pleasing qualities? I'm also sensitive at heart so any hurt or change of attitude in a friendship I pick up easily, probably already know when a friendship is going down the drain and I'd STILL keep friends just out of kindness and because of the work put in. At this rate I just realized.. Need to get a pet cat.

[TheBootyChest]

@LrningthisLife

Yeah I'm sure there are people pleasing qualities. It's mostly because I am trying to treat people that I would want/hope to be treated.

[LrningthisLife]

what would life be like if you didn't have to try... And you have the friendships ideally, people treat you deservedly. What would change? And what changes about you? It takes some work to practice this attitude, plus it's make-belief but in life most of everything is constructed of our and external make-beliefs, projections etc. Usually everyone elses' are stronger than ours because we allow the kind of friends or people in our life that aren't making much impact on us as much. Have you ever cut anyone out of your life? Especially if they became toxic? If so, it's at least good you have boundaries.

[TheBootyChest]

@LrningthisLife I have strongly considered cutting very close people out. In fact I have stopped talking to them for months in hopes that things would change. But they didn't, we just forgot about what started it in the first place. Waiting to be doomed again.

I think friendships should require work. Otherwise they aren't as meaningful if you are working to be there for your friend when they need you. And it's more of an acquittance then that you just say hi to when it's easy for you.

[LrningthisLife]

yea i hear you.. does require work, from both sides. I don't like leading conversations sometimes, or trying to keep things going. Honesty is always good, in everything. People just get busier than others and don't have time to socialize so it's necessary to make time as well.
I always believe a friend there by you through easy and hard times, when you aren't answering them and when you do- especially if you have a 'social battery' lol

[TheBootyChest]

@LrningthisLife You bring up some very interesting points tho.

Leading conversations, trying to keep things going, being busy, no time to socialize. I feel like when I don't get those things from my friends then they aren't interested in being in my friends anymore. Because I am always trying to give the opposite of those things to people.

[LrningthisLife]

Yes exactly, it's just how much I appreciate friends' undivided attention and care towards me and the friendship because of how minimal appreciation or value is given me back, I just place a lot of value/care in others. I have learned not to put people on a pedestal because that's how you get easily disappointed.. You quickly learn that you're just as good as them, heck maybe you deserve better too. And that right there, it's why honesty is key, honest about yourself too: is it fear of abandonment? I think it's sometimes best to let friendships run their own course and don't try to make up for the lack of quality in a friendship, or even in people. Go with experiences and trust yourself; also if you wonder how it's turning out ask them even if it's awkward- like I just laugh it off : i got nothing to say right now.. Once, a friend wanted to know more about what my hobbies are and my mind went blank ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ they're just going to get used to you when you're at 100% or 50%. I actually recommend something, it's attachment style test, it just helps you know what style you connect with people at. Mine's fearful avoidant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯