How do girls find guys that actually want to date them & get to know them? are they just lucky?

[nocturnalbaby]

Maybe I've just had bad luck, but I've noticed that I've always struggled to get guys to maintain long-term contact with me or want to be friends with me.

The guys I've met always seem to only want me for sex, and they'd only keep me around on social media IF I was giving them something sexual - nudes, or actual sex, and as soon as I stopped & told them I didn't wanna continue like that, they'd get annoyed & just delete me instantly which I found really unfair and sad. They didn't even consider wanting to get to know me or become friends with me.

I don't feel like my other girl friends, or most average girls like me deal with this as much as I do. Most other girls seem to have a decent amount of guy friends or a proper boyfriend (or both) that don't just delete them out of their lives and they can actually trust them to be friends and hang out with them without it being just about sex.

Is my bad luck due to where I'm meeting the guys? I went to an all girls school so I didn't know guys in high school, and in university, I somehow just didn't end up becoming close friends with the guys I studied with, and at work, everyone I work with are girls, and I do gymnastics too, which is all girls. I've just had nowhere to meet guys naturally, so I used tinder & hinge, maybe that's why I've been dealing with guys that want just sex? where are girls meeting these guys that they end up becoming so close to? are they always from school? I'm so curious to know how and where girls meet guys that actually commit to them or at least stay friends with them.

girls tell me, where do you know most of your guy friends from, how long have you guys been friends, and how close is your friendship with them? how often do you talk to them or meet up with them?

girls with boyfriends, tell me how you met them?

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the dating life of a man. Your situation is actually lucky compared to most men. When young, they will think a relationship without sex is just a friendship because you don't need a boyfriend to go on a trip or have fun. This can become less true when people change as they get older

Majority of women are more selective go for the same top 100 men at their school thinking that is the "many". Those men know they can sleep around because they are wanted so they just play around convincing women they are unique and special. The rest of the normal men, some won't want a women defiled by a player because they might want a girlfriend and not a hookup. This discourages them from trusting women who only wanted to settle with them as a last resort because they couldn't get man they actually want. Again, people mature when older so hopefully this bias changes

You did the right thing by standing your ground and wanting a date, not a hookup. This works for you in the long run because guys who want relationships won't see you like a whore who just exposes her self like a public urinal. Your mistake is going on tinder, because that app is specifically made for sex. It's like thinking it's unfair and sad that burger king wants to sell you burgers

[nocturnalbaby]

haha yeah you're right about the tinder & Burger King comparison. When I first used tinder 2 years ago, I had kinda heard about how it's used for casual dating/hookups, but I didn't know it was that bad, because I heard about how so many of my uni friends were using it, and getting dates & boyfriends from tinder, so I thought surely not everyone is on there just for sex, but it was only when I got it that I realised that guys really are mostly on there for sex.

[Lionman95]

Maybe go for date activities because online dating is filled with guys that are just in it for sex. Tinder is said to be the place where people look for casual dating. Maybe try to find some sport activities where guys also are or any social groups.
I don´t know about Australia, but are there any apps for social activities in Australia where you can meet up with strangers to go out for a drink/in the cinema/a sports activity/zoo?
I´d try social activities because guys are less likely to talk about sexual stuff in such cases or events than being anonymously online.
Another place could be through church groups, if you´re Christian.

[rebeliouse]

@nocturnalbaby
have a life be independent have lots of interests and put your self first.
if a girl is always desperate for the guy then he will loose interest if you can meet up with him cos your going cheer leading gymnastics etc then it makes him pine for you.

dont be a pain in the ass and high maintenance never winge and moan (besides in bed ) guys hate women that are always bossy and wanting stuff a guy wants a girl that knows what she wants and gets it. if it rains put a rain coat on dont expect guy to get it for you or moan that its raining. enjoy the rain. or even better go out dancing nude in the rain :D

treat men like you can take them or leave them if they are not interested in you for you then sack them off.
be the girl that is amazing get your pilots license look up stevie triesenberg on youtube
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=stevie+triesenberg
who couldnt want a girl that moves across the us in her plane to take a job thats just an amazing girl.

learn how to sale a yacht and live on one

https://www.youtube.com/embed/vBi6YdhYFdE

get a van and do solo van life

https://www.youtube.com/embed/mGvDwlzV0bY

walk the pacific crest trail (watch the film about it) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2305051/
just be fing amazing then u get to pick and choose amazing guys

last of all and most important look to set up your own gigs and businesses make your own money and be financially independent then you won't rely on any guy ever which means you can ditch any u don't like and he doesn't feel your a burden most relationship fail because of money.

first of all make this your life and sole only concentrate on this outside your normal necessary day to day stuff like work sleep and eating

https://themakemoneyonlinething.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/doubleyourway.pdf

its totally possible and will mean once you have reached the goal you can then invest it and live off the interest and do all of the above. also read up on fire movement.

any questions you can contact me direct

[rebeliouse]

so? which you gonna do first?

[rebeliouse]

@nocturnalbaby
hello

[rebeliouse]

@nocturnalbaby
well?

[nocturnalbaby]

you've given me a lot of options, I'll think about which one to start with

[rebeliouse]

@nocturnalbaby
i recommend the double your way first as that will fund the others eventually

fancy a chat?

[tata1993]

You’re not a lone.. most people must have these kinds of thoughts before but it’s not true.. it’s not your bad luck and it’s not that you’re different. From my experience, I think compatibility is not something that’s easy to find. So keep an open mind, go on dates knowing that it might or might not work, have values, be clear on what you’re looking for in a man. If it’s navigating a relationship l, make it clear to them. Watch out for red flags and let go of anyone who’s not aligned with your energy, and your gut will tell you so just trust yourself. I wasn’t happy with any of the guys I dated form school or real (not online) life. But I never stayed too long after I realized they’re not the one I want to spend my life with. Surprisingly I found what I want in someone who I met on tinder … we are so compatible and close. But that’s after so many bad dates and also after a long period of time where we were respectful of each other boundaries and personal space so that we get to know each other well before jumping into a relationship or having sex… and also we are constantly working hard to understand each other and communicate better. So keep on going.. trust that you’ll meet the one at the right time. Mean whole focus on you and enjoy your single life ✌🏻💕

[Anonymous]

Communication I believe. It's often lacking (even just look at the questions on this site alone, it screams this lol). Another thing I think, and this is my true observation and experience, I'm not "bashing" women or anything, but many women tend to make judgments and assumptions when it comes to guys, therefor eliminating potential "great guys" before really even getting to know them to find out. A couple of examples, I talked to a woman online, very briefly, and it was a while ago, so I don't remember what was said, but she proceeded to inform me that "she had me all figured out" and "knew exactly who I was as a person" after like 30 seconds of talking. Never mind we hadn't even met in person yet. And there was no convincing her any differently, "she knew!" (and she was 100% wrong in the judgment and assumptions she was making about me). Sadly, I think a lot of women do this. Maybe not to that extreme, but many believe that we're "all the same". We guys tend to think a bit differently than women also. An example of that, sometimes some guys on an online dating profile for example, he might be open to multiple things in what he's looking for (depending on what the woman he meets is looking for). Example most of my single life, I've been looking for a long term relationship (believe it or not, just as hard for us to find that and women wanting that, especially with older women), but would be open to a casual one as well if that's what she was looking for (ie something better than nothing at all). But women see that and just ASSUME he's a player, or not serious. Or won't even bother asking him if he's open to more.

[HighlyVolatile]

If you don't mind a guy's opinion, my little sister had a similar experience and frustration with yours not only dating guys but befriending them. Yet she's married now happily with a daughter.

In her case, she did have a few boyfriends here and there in school but struggled a lot with finding dates after she graduated. So she turned to online dating and had the worst experience with it.

So she focused on her job as a teacher and just sort of mellowed out with the whole dating thing, and she started building a social circle of friends of both sexes. I think having that kind of mixed social circle can really help to meet nice people and continue to meet more as it expands (I had a similar experience and met my wife this way at a picnic).

She just needed to find an initial group that consisted of both men and women with whom she could regularly hang out, and then she met her husband at a home party she threw when one of her friends invited him to join.

[nocturnalbaby]

hey yeah of course a guy's opinion would be helpful too. I was gonna include that guy's opinions are welcome too, but just as a girl myself, I automatically just emphasised on getting girls opinions, but hey thanks for sharing her experience, that's really great for her. I guess you've just gotta go with the flow & things come to you. In her case I guess she's lucky to have a career where she was able to meet a mixed social group, I still unfortunately haven't found one like that, well at least that I can hang out with regularly.

well that sounds really fun, home parties and meeting people through friends is always a good idea.

[HighlyVolatile]

That entry point into the social circle is the toughest part as I see it. But let's say you meet a girl and she has a boyfriend and you're all like-minded and hang out together. It might feel like being the third wheel at times but if they're nice and have connections, they probably have some nice friends of their own to whom they can introduce you, and those friends might have some nice friends, and so forth.

Then before you know it, you might have your weekend calendar filled with social events hanging out with nice people and meeting new ones, and I think that's the way to go if you can find an entry point. The toughest part is sort of breaking into the initial circle, and there's usually some aspect of building it and not just finding it.

[nocturnalbaby]

very true by the sounds of it, it definitely does seem to be the initial entering part that's the hardest.

[HighlyVolatile]

In my case and I also struggled with this, my initial entry point into a social circle was actually through talking to a middle-aged man in a quiet little bar in my early 20s. We talked for a very long time and he turned out to be an English teacher teaching English to foreign adults my age. So he invited me to a barbecue to meet his students and I took him up on it, and aside from becoming one of my friends, I became friends with some of his students, and his students' friends, and so forth.

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm not quite sure how my sister met her friends. I'll have to ask her the next time we speak. It wasn't through her teaching job. None of her friends are teachers. So I think she found them somehow outside of the school.

[nocturnalbaby]

that sounds really good! what a nice way to meet people! yeah it would be good if you could ask her how she met them if it was outside of school. I've always wandered where these 'outside of work/school' places are that people are making friends.

[Preston_Tatum]

If it’s not about sex, he will still be there in the morning. No judgment, no pressure. He will be supportive. When I was in high school (2006-2010,) we were all obsessed with being with virgins. Fast forward 12 years and I can say that for the most part, “atleast sexually speaking,” I don’t care where a woman has been or who she was with. I personally don’t care about the count, as long as the woman has changed. You are who you plan to be, not what you’ve done. If he’s into you, he will do the things I said earlier, plus he will always be around

[bamesjond0069]

1. Every single man in the world will not accept you stopping sex once you start. Smh.

2. If you date online you will have better results with an ultra limiting profile. Instead of "i like dogs and movies" say "if you're not prepared to date me for 6 months before we become intimate, im not the girl for you". I give this same advice to guys and i use it successfully myself. You dont need 500 matches of randos who want hookups, you need one or two or three good matches to go on dates with.

[LetsBeHonestHere]

It’s how you’re finding them. Get off those apps they are meant for sex. The guy you’re seeking is out there you’re just looking in the wrong spot.

[LetsBeHonestHere]

Like @bamesjond0069sais said you’ve given up the nookie already and when you stop they won’t accept that.

[motownplayer2000]

Speaks more about you than them.. not to be disrespectful. But the variables are them. The constant is you. You need to figure out what about doesn’t make them stay and fix it. Men will be men. You have got to fix yourself

[jimmyd1982]

Gotta look in the right place get out the clubs and bars good men are working and worried about others not getting drunk and partying.

[Anonymous]

I would tell you but you wouldn't be interested so...

[SkipPerk]

You are focusing on bad guys