So why do I not see a lot of active, successful and accomplished women with ugly, fat, unemployed men that have great personalities?

[DaveJord]

Curious, I have been told that women do not care so much about how you look, how much money you make, or what kind of car you drive. So why do I not see very many active and successful women with fat, ugly guys with greet personalities?

Or do women that say these really just think it makes them seem less shallow, when in all honest they know it matters. I am just saying as a man all those things matter to me.

[NathanDavis]

well... I'll tell you about a personal experience that's somewhat related to this

my girlfriend back in college was one of those girls who say "I care more about personality" and yes, she was very attractive, she was also kind of sporty so, active... and she was incredibly smart (which makes her a successful and accomplished woman today) so you can imagine that most if not all the best and great looking guys in campus did try their luck with her, easily... over two dozen of them asked her out more than once, most of them were easy discards of course because they were just douchy... but at least four of them, not only were great looking guys, but they were also charming and fun, and a bit more measured, let's say openly flirty so they were clear about their intentions "I want to have a chance with you and see how it goes" no tricks, no pretending... just an open try, needless to say my friend at the time, declined all those offers except a couple, she did hang out with a couple of them to give it a try, and sure it was fun, they were charming but... not as interesting, not as stimulating in other areas so... the "top of the top" when it came to looks and appearance, all the 9's and 10's were out of the picture

so what are next the 8's and the 7's lol... the "average looking guys" which she did not mind at all, as long they had great personalities and a GENUINE confidence on their average looks, she was into that, she really was when the guys were stimulating and interesting, needless to say I was in this second lot lmfao... few others tried their luck, so many average guys approached her, got a chance and a little time to talk with her, get to know her a bit while at campus between classes or projects, but at the end of the day, two guys were way more interesting and stimulating for her, and this on the personality, character and attitude aspects

one of the guys... was an incredibly smart guy, charming as well, he was really funny on the witty side of humor, and very attentive, a great listener as well, his conversations skills on top as well, everyone in his class got along well with this guy which is always a great sign and anyway, so many other good and great things about this guy, however... he was also heavy, he was fat, he was not ugly at all, but he had all that excess of body all over the place, which for this girl in question was not exactly a problem, at least the fat was all well distributed and she thought "he actually looks cute, and oh god his blue eyes..." the chubby guy still had a chance with her

but there was only one problem, the confidence in this guy was not so genuine all the time or not in all aspects, when she asked him if he liked to walk around, to go on hikes, a park maybe because well she loves nature and she likes to move around, he, the guy said NAH, I don't like to walk around, but hey I do have a great car... and when she asked if he likes to go dancing maybe? parties? go to paintball maybe for more action, horse riding? a little sports at the beach? the guy, he again sand NAH... not into that, I am more of a chill guy and I like to relax... so yes, this was pointing to a pattern, so when she finally asked him, well what are you into? what do you like to do for fun here and there? the one thing he managed to list was all these particular hobbies that are well, not easy to share with someone because they are very individual focused, so when she asked about again, what do you with friends and stuff? the one thing he could come up with was... chilling with guys that are like him, just sitting around, having drinks, eating, smoking... and talk about funny stuff, which is cool when you're with the guys but what about the girls... what about a girlfriend?

well, it turned out that yes, this guy a very good personality, character and attitude... but that was as long as he was alone as an individual or chilling with the guys doing guys stuff... but when it came to be with a woman, all of his confidence and great personality would kind of dim little by little, truth be told... he was not confident with women at all and that was not just because he felt fat (since he was) but also because he knew that the solution to be not fat, included a lot of work on quitting a lot of bad habits which is a lot of hard work

so yeah, this great guy in college who was fat and with a great personality, he actually had a chance with this other great attractive girl, but he still did not took the chance because deep down, he was not confident enough to like himself as he was, and he was not confident enough to do something about it either...

she liked him more, than he liked himself... and that it is always a bad sign, it is a sign of a not so genuine good personality, but a sabotaging one, he just blew up his genuine chances with her

[DaveJord]

Sounds to me that this woman is looking for the perfect guy, and honestly that man does not exist... even you have placed her on a pedestal, my point being that all the things she didn't like about the fat, average guy, she probably could have gotten from the 9 or 10, but that did not matter so much with them, why does it matter so much with the average fat guy?

So, she is either hard to get, or hard to want. Is the expectation that you as a man have to be all the things she wants to make it work. I mean is any women ever and truly all the things you would want, or is just more than you would of hoped for and you are willing to forgive the rest, to be with her... even when she is not?

Is she really all that you would of hoped for at that point and is she really worth all that... chances are not really.

[NathanDavis]

I do find it very interesting that you decided to ignore everything that was wrong with him, and instead focused on assuming that she must have been the wrong one

but allow me to clarify it for you

no, she was not looking for the perfect guy, she just wanted a confident guy with a great personality, and especially an assertive man, because she was 19/20 of age and wanted someone that was more of a man and less of a boy...

and now, she did not went out to look for more, she had me, I was right there... and I was for her, way way more than she could even think of wanting, lol

not only I had all of the great qualities she saw in that guy, I had even more, way way more things to offer to her, and I also had a LOT less of the bad things she saw in other, and no... like I said in my original post, when it comes to looks I am just average, I am not a 9 and I am not a 10 in looks, at the most I will be 8

but when it comes to my personality I am 12 on the bad days and a 14 on my best, so of course ar college relationship of a few years was all more than worth

so again no, you are still wrong... she was not hard to get because I sure got her, and she was not hard want because I LOVED HER, and no I did not put her up on a pedestal because nothing I said about her was fantasy, nothing was unreal, all of I said are simple things that are very true, she is very attractive, she is very successful because she is very smart and did dedicate to her career

nor this guy nor me ever had one complaint about her none... the thing was the fat guy had a lot of things to recriminate himself, while me... I was just more a man, because I had conquered my shortcomings at a much younger age, that is all...

[DaveJord]

I did not get out of your initial post that you ended up with this woman, you said some girlfriend you met or knew in collage.

My point was, in the end... what was really wrong with this guy? He was all the thing the other guys weren't, and other guys were all the things that this guy wasn't... the only constant in all these situations washer. Why should I assume she was not a contributing factor.

See part of the process is truly appreciating the other person for all the things they are, and not fixating on all the things they aren't because nobody can be everything for you

Any way I am glad and happy you that ended with this great chick in collage, how did that turn out for you?

[NathanDavis]

I went into detail about what was the wrong with the fat guy... he lacked true and genuine love for himself, because he did not like to be fat but he never did anything to solve that, that was wrong with him, nothing else... and instead of working on that, he decided to ditch the great girl that liked him even if he was fat, well a bit chubby

she appreciated him but he did NOT really appreciated himself, like she really did

and yes, of course we had some great years all through college, definitely one of the best relationships I've hard in my life... and actually, we're still friends, great friends in fact, because she was also one of three girls I met in college that I am still friends with

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Think about that! They say: "Do not judge a book by its cover". But who does that? When there are thousands of books in the store, you'll see the most interesting covers and then, you'll "open" few of these up to see what's up... and then you choose randomly in the end, lol!

That's how it works in real life too. Sure, personality matters the most but the only way you get a chance as a "not so good cover" is if you are the only book in the store at the time. Or if you are a "cheap" book and the reader is "poor" (hope you get the analogy). Looks do matter and I'm sick of pretending the opposite! And as a guy, they do matter more for most guys than for most girls!

As for money, most "feminist" women that are strong and independent™️ would still not date men that make less money, even if their combined paycheck is still enough to have a family. Funny enough, a woman that makes less money and isn't so "successful" would probably consider dating someone that makes the same amount of money or even a little bit less. It's about mindset in the end of the day. EVERYTHING is about the mindset in the world!

[MissMam]

I would say that the girls would try to find someone that they can present and show off to there friends, make them feel comfortable and safe. And often it is easer to approach a kind, proper looking man/boy or a tidied up fit, tuff person although the more scary appearance would be more difficult to approach. And certain older men can definitely scare a girl by seeming creepy when they might try to approach them. And don't get me rong a larger man can be good they are nice for cuddles and are often good at comforting them. But there is a little bit with the money which the probably want someone that they can lean on when they need to and sometimes that money can decrees that feeling of safety. And ugly, the problems with that would be presenting them to family and friend trying to get there approval also if they don't start off as friend and just approach them trying to flirt there probably just going to scare the girl.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

If a man is both fat and unemployed, my instincts tell me that he is lazy. If a man does not put in the effort to take care of himself, how I can trust him to take care of me or any future children we may have should we get together? For me, those are deal breakers. He can have a stellar personality, but if there is a quality about him that could have the potential to negatively affect things later on, it's a no go.

If I'm working hard to accomplish my goals, I want a man who is also working hard to accomplish his goals.

[DaveJord]

One would think this to be true... its true to me.

[ManOnFire]

Actually women care about looks in men more than men care about looks in women. So yes, I do think they say they care less so they don't seem so shallow. But, a woman will put up with a man who doesn't look good, doesn't work, or maybe not even keep very clean if he doesn't have a good personality but for whatever reason she feels compelled to be with him, which can be sex-based, or because she thinks she can "fix him."

Even some of the most successful, fit, and attractive women become caught up in a mental bondage of staying with a man who is garbage not only towards her but within himself, or they will keep running back to him anyway.

[TroyDT2]

Well you generally don't see average-looking women who are work minimum wage jobs with fat, ugly, unemployed guys "with great personalities" either. In fact, if the guy genuinely does have a "great personality" he should be able to get a job, especially now.

[slatyb]

Because people tend to seek their equals in intelligence, ambition, emotional maturity, and physical activity. However a lack off emotional maturity can cause people to make bad partnerships..

[DaveJord]

Bingo, and what person would say they are emotionally immature, or insecure and even if they admit it... what does that really change?

[KrakenAttackin]

As far as taking seed in their wombs, looks are all that matter. When choosing a Simp to pay for her Chad chasing, cock carousel riding, 20's; this is when "personality" and job are examined.

[DaveJord]

Oh, Kraken your always make me laugh.

[KrakenAttackin]

I'm here all week ;)

[inhua]

it's virtue signaling though people would often point out exceptions to the norm as proof of disproving the norm which doesn't actually work.

[jshm2]

Because they are avoiding negative negative Nancie's like you?

[DaveJord]

LOL... only one being negative here is you.

[exitseven]

Anyone that says looks don't matter is lying.