Why can’t I cry anymore?

[Clarisse623]

This is a weird question. But of course I cry but never when I’m sad. I only cry during anxiety or by mimicry and it’s not a real crying it’s only two tears dropping from my eyes or just watery eyes.
It’s like my body assimilated the fact that crying doesn’t respond to being sad.
Younger I cried everyday because of some abuse (it was only my fault not their) but since then…I’ve never cried because of sadness. Even when my pets or my grandfather died…it was just sad.
Am I broken? Is there any explanation?

[boecker-propagator]

Every victims first reaction to abuse is a feeling of guilt. Especially when children are abused, they are unable to question their parent's judgement and think that they themselves must have done something wrong.
When you were abused as a child, you were innocent and it was not your fault. You were abused. It's 100% your parents'/guardians' fault and problem. The first step towards healing is to get in touch with you inner child, which felt betrayed and abused when it happened and to validate that child in feeling this way.

You being unable to cry is a clear sign, that you kind of shut your inner child out from your soul in order to be able to function. I suspect that you were abused as a child and were unable to process the intense feelings of shame, guilt, hurt and sorrow and learned to be functional and be able to live on by simply shutting your inner child out.
Why do children do that? Because they are yet unable to process emotions. The more intense the emotion, the harder it is. This is, ideally, where parents come in. By consoling their child, parents also teach them how to regulate and console themselves.

I suspect your parents were not available to console you and help you process your emotions, so being a child and unable to process them alone, you shut them off.

Now you need to get back in touch with your inner child and try to console it or find someone to do that for you. But it is best, in the long run, to be able to console it yourself, lest you be dependent on someone else's help. A therapist can help with this.

This won't be a cake walk. This child is hurt and unstable and if you succeed in trying to get it to re-surface, you will feel weak and cry. But that is the only means to console it and learn how to console yourself and regulate yourself and get back in touch with your inner child. Without it, you will remain unable to cry and also unable to truly be happy.
Because when you shut out emotions, you shut out all of them, the good and the bad.

[Clarisse623]

That is a really helpful explanation. It makes me understand my feelings more, and I know I should see a therapist but they’re pricey. I’ll try to cure my own self, maybe I’ll find someone who will help me to do it. I just need to find how and when…I’ll not have time until June 2024 because of my studies but I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for your helpful answer.

[Wonderingguyy]

First of all, abuse is NEVER your fault, and I’m not really sure why you can’t cry anymore… it probably has something to do with trauma though. I’d see a therapist to help you or out with this.

[Clarisse623]

Yeah maybe, I’m gonna find a therapist but it’s pricey

[Anonymous]

Congratualtions

You are now COLD, nothing can hurt you anymore!

[Clarisse623]

Ah ah ah very funny thing to say.

[Agape93]

It's from the trauma.
@LordOfThePines

[Clarisse623]

Yeah I guess…but I want to cure it…but at the same time it feels impossible