What steps can I make towards the things that I want?

[Christsdisciple15]

things I want:

• self esteem
• lasting joy
• hope/optimism
• confidence
• passion
• ambition
• desirability
• security
• romantic relationship
• to be physically fitter
• to be skinny
• to be a good swimmer

the current obstacles (I think) are:

• severe anxiety
• severe depressive episodes
• agoraphobia
• self hatred and body image issues
• shyness
• nihilism/apathy

thank you

[provokeesmokee]

Probably your biggest bangs for bucks:

• Taking control of your diet - eating balanced and nutritious meals while eating less calories than you burn will result in better mental wellbeing and a neat side effect of losing weight
• Start doing some exercise - walking outside, working out inside (bodyweight exercises and jump rope is a good idea), and getting active will help you build fitness and will also reduce anxiety and depression symptoms
• Consider professional therapy (registered psychologist or psychiatrist if you wish for medication) - there's a lot you want to work towards and therapy can be a great tool to help support you in getting there.

[AjayOnTheInternet]

One of the things you listed, physically fitter. Is what can lead to you gaining a lot of these traits. Once you start working out and start seeing progress, you become more self assured, confident, happier, ambitious, security, and will be more desirable.

Once you do this and you learn to appreciate yourself for you, your 'obstacles' will be gone.

[AjayOnTheInternet]

Before anyone tries and say I'm wrong, I've been in your shoes. Once you start working on your self, you become secure and confident. All the other traits fall into place as you move along your journey to better yourself.

[Christsdisciple15]

It sounds great but I have to get myself to be able to enter a gym lol
Home workouts are a possibility for me but it’s all about motivation; I have very little since I have very little will to live I end up doing nothing all day

[AjayOnTheInternet]

Home workouts are perfectly fine. Also watching your diet, limit yourself to once a week to eat your favorite bad food. Drink more water. I'm in a small town that doesn't have a gym. I've always worked out at home/work/backyard. You can simply go jogging. Try jamming out to your favorite music for motivation.
If you're really contemplating taking your life, please try therapy, or talking to someone you trust. It's a rut, once you get out of it, you'll be tougher moving forward 💪.

[andy530]

Therapy would be the place I would start

[BoobSlayer]

You wouldn't get a boob job?

[andy530]

Nope

[Christsdisciple15]

Been in therapy a few times (publicly funded, can’t afford private; so it is not long term) and it has definitely equipped me with some techniques that help me to frame my thinking. But the problem is that I never struggled with intellectualising my pain, I am very good at breaking it down and understanding it, but it’s been five years and I don’t feel any better.

[andy530]

You don’t need to intellectually break it down you need to let yourself truly experience who you are. You need to find a therapist that uses experiential therapy. This model of therapy will help you get out of your head and into your feelings were the root of things is

[andy530]

Sorry if that sounded very too direct or dismissive of your challenging circumstances. I know accessing healthcare and especially mental healthcare is really difficult! If you’re near a university they may have a marriage and family therapy clinic where you could find a therapist who uses experiential therapy.

[Christsdisciple15]

I appreciate it immensely!

[andy530]

If ya ever need to talk feel free to reach out

[Anonymous]

Be a decent person, not a christian

[Christsdisciple15]

lmao

[Christsdisciple15]

just seemed awkward bc it was so obvious … and then you blocked me and that made it funnier

[Opinion Owner]

Right

[Christsdisciple15]

why did you dm me if I’m such a bad person

[Opinion Owner]

Why not?

[Christsdisciple15]

so true