Am I weird for stalking my colleague on socials and wanting to be her friend?

[Tryingtogirlhood]

background info: I (24yo F) started at my new job over a month ago. I’m new to the area in general and have 0 friends up here. It’s really hard to make friends in your 20’s I’ve found. I feel like I’m missing out on girlhood and I’m worried that I won’t have any friends to be bridesmaids/share big life goals with.

this girl started at my work a week ago and I’ve only said a few words to her. She seems sweet but very shy, however when I had a little scroll on social media, she seems the opposite, she loves to party and has a lot of girlfriends who she makes cute videos with. She seems really close with them and I would love to have friends of my own.

so the question is: would it be weird if I messaged her and asked her for coffee? What would I even say?

Yes that’s weird

No, I would be flattered

[bobalife]

To me it’s nothing because it’s normal these days with social media and connecting to phone numbers lol. My co-workers be finding my Facebook and instagram somehow too 😂 how you see someone at work is only a small glimpse of who they are in work settings. At work, I am silly yet professional and looks simple. But outside work, everyone always get surprise by how I truly dress, my full on personality, and the things I like to do. It takes one to get to know one. I think it would be fun to ask her to hang out and see if y’alls vibe in friendshipy level than just co-workers :)

[KittyKatLady]

Personally, I would find that weird and probably would feel the urge to reject your invitation because of the method used. I don't know how you found her social media accounts, but I think it's weird when people I already met in person introduce themselves/only talk to me through social media. I don't know, to me, it feels awkward that someone I already talked to in person would choose to mediate our interactions with screens.
Perhaps trying to talk to her in person would be more appropriate?

[DarkWinterNights]

A little weird, but that’s the online world these days I suppose. I probably wouldn’t reach out to her online though, definitely in person. Just basically say what you told us- ask her out for coffee or lunch and say you’re new to the area and trying to make some new friends.

[SotiCoto]

Not half as weird as it should be.
By which I mean your behaviour is disgusting... but it is a common type of disgusting, so no, not weird. Stop doing it though.

[Tryingtogirlhood]

Do you think your opinion is because we are in two separate generations? Social media is very accessible these days and like you said, it’s common.

[SotiCoto]

"Common" has never been a valid justification for anything. Ever.
Racism used to be massively common. Beating one's children used to be common.
I'm hoping this is another such behaviour that some day people will look back on with utter horror.

[Tryingtogirlhood]

Very true but I’m not stalking her for any of those reasons. Genuinely to see if I should try harder to be her friend?

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes, not only is it weird, it's literally a crime to stalk someone online in almost every state in the US, and every nation in the Western world, (as well as in many non-Western countries!).

Good luck, and maybe leave this poor person alone. If they wanted to be your friend, you would know it by now.
Laura 🤗 🥰

[Saggitariusdiva]

Harsh...😂

[CrazyGirl2]

@Saggitariusdiva Not only is my answer NOT harsh at all, but everything I wrote is the absolute truth! I would have hoped that one would be more empathetic to the poor person being stalked, and less concerned with feelings of the person admittedly perpetrating the crime of cyber-stalking (or in some jurisdictions: Use of an Electronic Device to Stalk Another). Not to mention that the OP quite LITERALLY asked us if it was "weird" to be stalking a colleague. I replied by answering, "Yes!" Because in my opinion it IS weird! However, despite your claims to the contrary, I thought it was actually kind to notify the OP that what they are doing is a crime in most countries! The OP may not have been aware that it's not only stalking someone that is a crime, but stalking someone online IS also a crime! Now they have that information, THEY are free to change their behavior, or not! Besides, there actually are some really "harsh" critiques to this question, that are WAAAY more "hash" than ANYTHING I wrote! It makes me curious as to why you chose to single me out for your ire? You didn’t respond to any of the other posts, and some of them... 😳 Well, just sayin' ¯\_(ッ)_/¯

[Saggitariusdiva]

I agree with you @CrazyGirl2

[sage2021]

It might come off as being weird in today's world.
You never know if she might think you are a lesbian trying to pick up on her. Just sayin'.

Since you work together just be friendly with her and keep conversations short.

Remember, the walls have ears, and you never know who's listening to you.

[rosemilk]

first you should start talking to her at work for awhile. and then you can ask to go get some coffee once you've established a continuous acknowledgement at work. otherwise it'd be a bit awkward

[SugarSugarplum]

Yeah a little. Why not put down the phone and go spend some time.

[Knightwatch27]

She's your workmate, just have lunch with her or something. Stalking people is obsessive and it's a weird way to "want to be your friend".

[DarkLegacy]

Yeah it is. I mean why not just talk to her. Are you sure you just want to be her friend

[Anonymous]

Find another friend it’s not like you’re talking to a guy

[HelpfulWoman]

absolutely creepy stalking her.

[Staximus]

Ask her in person first

[Loner111]

Everyone googles everyone

[DarkWinterNights]

Not everyone… but I was surprised to find out my buddies wife does a background check on all their new friends lol.

[RedInnocent69]

Well, you said it, not me…

[DishLady]

Yeah.

[In_Trance]

Yeah, weird

[Tryingtogirlhood]

Looking through her socials to see if me and her would have a compatible friendship?