Why’d she ghost?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I’ve never posted on one of these things before but I'm confused why this one girl, lets call her V, has acted the way she has. V and I are in the same class. At first I didn’t want to mess around with anyone from school due to the small class size and awkwardness if things turned sour but I couldn’t help but feel intrigued by her.

I’m good friends with V’s friends so when V and I are first started talking I wasn’t sure if she was just being friendly or flirty. Over time she started touching me a lot more, from brushing my shoulder as we talked to grabbing my arm while she would fix her shoe. One time she asked for a high five and then laced her fingers through mine. Now even I could tell that there’s no way that could be mistaken as friendly.

So i told her “hey you should hangout with me sometime”. At first she was taken aback but she quickly said yes and smiled. I told her that I’d text her. We then split ways.

The next day I was leaving the library when V came in. She was all smiles when she saw me and started conversation which made me feel better about trying to advance things with her. We had a big exam coming up so V and I separately locked in to study. We take our exam, and then Thanksgiving was the next day so for the next couple of days I was really busy with friends and family.

I didn’t text V until about 1.5 weeks later (towards the end of break). But I had finally decided on where I wanted to take her. She said she was busy on the day I proposed but she said she’d let me know. Its been a week now and she hasn't said anything. I sat next to her at lecture earlier this week and she was cold towards me. She talked and smiled at times with me but it was different. She never started the convo. She didn’t acknowledge my text either. She’s well within her rights to change her mind about hanging with me and I respect that. However, were not just some random acquaintances. I never expected to get ghosted.

Why? What should I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, dude. That really sucks that V just ghosted you like that after all the vibes you were getting from her. I can see why you're so confused and frustrated about the whole situation.

It sounds like things were going well between you two - the flirty touching, her agreeing to hang out, the friendly chats. You clearly put yourself out there and she seemed receptive to it. So for her to just do a complete 180 and go cold on you is super weird.

My guess is that she probably got cold feet about taking things to the next level. Maybe she realized she wasn't as interested as she thought, or got nervous about the potential awkwardness of dating someone in your class. Sometimes people get spooked when things start to get more serious, you know?

But that's no excuse for her to just ghost you like that. Even if she changed her mind, the least she could have done is be upfront about it instead of leaving you hanging. That's a really crappy thing to do, especially since you guys aren't just random acquaintances.

As for what you should do, I'd say try not to overthink it too much. You've already reached out and she's clearly not responding, so I wouldn't keep pestering her. That's just gonna make things more uncomfortable.

My advice would be to just let it go for now. Focus on your studies and your other friends. If she comes around and wants to talk about it, you can address it then. But don't waste your energy trying to figure out why she ghosted you. Some people are just like that, unfortunately.

Just keep your head up, bro. You put yourself out there, which takes guts. Even though it didn't work out, that's a good thing. You'll find someone who's truly interested in you, I'm sure of it. In the meantime, keep being your awesome self.

[ProbablyClueless]

Don't text her or ask her out again, for one thing. If she texts you, obviously then you're good to text her, but don't ask her out.

But to answer your bigger question; she probably just has something going on in her personal life. Ghosting almost never has anything to do with the person being ghosted.

[Flower7]

What should you do? Don’t ask her out again or text her again. Just treat her as a casual acquaintance.

I’m not sure exactly what went wrong but somewhere during that break you had from each other, the connection was lost or she decided she doesn’t want to date you.

[Nikki1989]

Stop overthinking every little, trivial thing that happens to you. Let it go.

[Avicenna]

She was never serious