Do women know what they want?

Question

To be honest I'm kinda hoping all women on here debate this but there's a theory that when seeking for a partner women say and claim they want what everyone would agree are healthy things for relationships but they go for what actually attracts them which a lot of them are attracted to what people would consider toxic traits, no matter how hard I try to view it, Id be lying to myself if I said I didn't somewhat observe things that make you consider this theory to have some truth to it, the same women that claim they want real love and a good partner are the same ones to complain about the guy they chose being an asshole or toxic somehow.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes. Women DO want what they say they want, BUT they also want to be attracted to the guy (physixally and emotionally). So when they say they want a kind, respectful, loyal, emotionally intelligent, romantic, funny man they do want that. But they also want to be attracted to him. That’s such a basic thing that most women don’t even mention it because it’s assumed people understand that. So being nice is not enough even though women want a noce man. Just being nice may get you into the friendszone. She also have to find you attractive and there has to be a spark. Being toxic and an asshole is not what women want, and that’s not how those men start out. They put up an act. They act nice, funny, respectful and all that until they feel they’ve got her and then reveal their true nature. By then she’s already fallen for him and he creates a trauma bond, gasloghts, makes her think she’s the issue and it’s hard for her to leave because she’s emotionally invested already, already invested x amount of time in the relationship, think she’s the issue, has trauma bonded and has seen him be a good guy and thinks they can work it out so he becomes good again (but in reality he was never actually good, it was an act). I should also mention this has nothing to do with the guys looks. There are good looking guys, average guys and ugly guys who are bad and good. One of the best guys I’ve known was attractive and had a very easy time with women and yet never entertained more than one in any way. I’ve known ugly shy geeky guys who’s cheated and been toxic assholes.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

You bet I know what I want. I have known that since my high school days. We can debate it if you want but my wishes have nothing to do with relationships and thus, I don't know if I am the right person to debate with.

I can be very stubborn when I have something in my mind and I am very goal oriented and focused. That is why I do not divert my attention with unimportant things like a relationship because if you want to focus on something 100%, there is absolutely no margin to divert your attention with something trivial.

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

This reminds me of how Steve jobs used to say the customer has no idea what they want... I decide

I think all of us but women tend to stay more locked into it, we know all these different traits we want. Maybe I want a girl who is sexually exciting and goes out with me all the time and is kinda scrappy but feminine and she's low maintenence but extremely loyal but I'm the leader of the relationship and she has a job but takes care of the kids and doesn't go out with her friends or seek attention at all and she's fun but money conscious.

And sure they're out there but that's realistically a lot of conflicting personality traits 😂 and I think we're all prone to thinking about these individual traits we want and forgetting they all need to fit together.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Unrelated to your description which I'll be frank I skim read, I would say I hope most women in their 20s have their head on right to find a good guy not a bad guy 🙃🕳️ hopefully they never complain later

"Lol lady you knew he was toxic" - says every Michael Scott ever 😆😈

objective_calendar · Answer

Generally women aren't gonna admit to being attracted to toxic traits/bad boy qualities because it just straight up makes them "look bad".

Guy: So what do you usually look for in a partner?

Girl: Oh I love guys who are ego-driven, power hungry, narcissistic. They don't respect boundaries or take no for an answer. They get obsessively jealous and have stalker-ish tendencies. What about you?

Guy: Woah. You sure know how to pick them.

Anyways. Dark traits overlap with qualities that are necessary for power, status and influence. And power, dominance aren't exactly "negative" things. Infact those are quite attractive. Admirable. Earns people's respect. The problem is these dudes (not so surprisingly) don't have women's best interests in their minds. So while these things make a guy alluring he's also still a "bad idea".

I know. It seems backwards. Like why would they crave such qualities? I mean this is a dangerous guy and they typically want to feel safe and protected with a guy. Well, to simply put it they don't always want the guy to protect them from the danger, they can want him to "be the danger" too (to be so powerful/intimidating nobody's a bigger danger than him). And somebody so powerful wanting you is a great feeling obviously. But anybody with a sharp head can discern that however attractive they look, they bring their own set of red flags (not respecting her/seeing her as her own person) so those women will tend to leave. However such dysfunctional relationships have that drama/tension which makes them highly addictive. So the ones who see these red flags but still stay are wearing rose colored glasses. And lastly some are too naïve or inexperienced to look out for such red flags at all.

Simslover92 · Answer

I know what I want more than anything and that's money. I can't speak for all women on this but many probably want the same thing these days because the dating scene is dead for many of us.

Shiprex · Answer

The believe they do. Could they tell it and STILL find someone who has all that repulsive? ABSOLUTELY

Vevv123 · Answer

Unfortunately toxic people don’t come with a warning label. I’d say we do know what we want and what’s most important to us.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

I do now. It took ages for me to learn though.

Anonymous · Answer

Some of them do, some of them don't, just like men.

888theGreat · Answer

Rarely and mostly romance. Like they have this mythical male in their mind and what he will be like. Then after getting married or dating him for months , they realize it ain't happening.

bubblydoubles · Answer

I feel like woman know more what they want than men do

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Yes, of course they do. Just don't expect them to be honest with you, their friends, or even themselves about it.

thegreenyogi · Answer

I certainly do know what I want.

Kenkebuttery · Answer

We don't all want the same thing

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

C-A-I-S-H !!!

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