How can I support him to get back his dominance after he lost his job?

[Trad1990]

Since my husband lost his job there is a big disbalance in our marriage. I would do any job to support the family but it makes him so angry. I come home late but otherwhise we would loose everything. How can I support him?

[TrueConfection]

Good luck. My husband and I went through the same thing in 2008. We did lose everything. I went to working several jobs to pay rent while he was busy dealing with resentment. He later told me he thought I blamed him (of course I didn't, the economy crashed). In hind sight, I probably should have talked to him about it at the time. I didn't know he thought I secretly blamed him for our losses. He still doesn't like me to work outside the home, but that's another topic.

[Trad1990]

Yes, he hates me for earning the money and because he believes I do not respect him any more. He hates me for coming home late and does not trust me. It is not that I like that shitty job but ist is just necessary. How can I support him and make him feel Bettler?

[TrueConfection]

I never found the answer. It's still a sore subject for us 13 years later. If I could go back, I'd try to muster up the energy to reassure him he's a wonderful husband and father. It's tough. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'd be down in the dumps too if I lost my job and have a family of my own, I'd think I have failed them.

I don't know why he gets angry if you get a job (my guess is that he think it's an extra burden on you but I don't know him) but I think helping him find a job again would help him understand that your support never went away.

[exitseven]

It is not your job. He needs to get it together, find a job and support his family. It is not easy whet he is going through because I am going through the same thing but he is not alone. The virus screwed up a lot of people. He is not somehow a failure and needs to get past the pity party.

[Trad1990]

Yeah, ist is not easy for a man to go through that I guess. But how could I make him feel Bettler?

[exitseven]

I do not know how long he has been unemployed but let him know that the economy has been turned upside down and he is not at fault and that everything will work out.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[VanillaSalt]

He needs a job or hobbies. A man without a purpose isn’t a man.

[jasco]

Honestly help him find a job, than get a job of your own at home and make sure he doesn't find out

[Trad1990]

I also thought about finding some home-work to do so I would not be out all day long. But the money would not be enough. And staying at home is like hell when he is in that mood. He is dependent on me and hates me for it at the same time.

[jasco]

Yea he just dislikes being at home and not working, he doesn't hate you

[In_Trance]

You can't. He need to figure this out and move forward

[NathanDavis]

why is this about dominance?

[Trad1990]

It is just this feeling that he does not feel strong or male enough any more. I would like to give him back this feeling and strenght but do not know how.

[NathanDavis]

oh well...

he has to grow up and that's not on you really...

[Anonymous]

Dominance?