Should I be offended that none of my friends got me a birthday gift or even a card?

[anonbrunette99]

one actually said she couldn’t come to two different birthday meal nights because she had work but on several occasions she has stayed out till late with guys

then she had the nerve to try meet me last minute in one of the meal nights we had arranged after cancelling on me because she had “work” the other girl left me crying in the club on my birthday alone and went away with her other friend and the other girl came to a meal with me then just didn’t get me a card didn’t say happy birthday nothing…. She actually also tried to invite a guy out with us when it was supposed to be for my bday. None of them got me a card or gift or said happy bday

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

Your "friends" are trash. The reason I say this in full is due to their behavior/actions showing what they refuse to say out of cowardice... they dont value your friendship or respect you. People who act this way are passive-aggressive. They're probably too scared to say they want to demote the frienship to that of just 'acquaintanceship' so they are waiting for you to get fed up with how they "half-ass" their attempts to be present for you when you need them so YOU can demote their friendship for them.

Now Im stating this based off of what was shared although I am curious as to how YOU treat your friends as well. As well as how long you all have even been "friends." Since those are all important factors.

[anonbrunette99]

I’ve known girl that left me in the club for two years, fallen out and reconnected in the past 6 months, flaky girl that had “work” / didn’t care, and the other one 8-9 months but we are close they will tell me they love me and everything we talk everyday and hang out often. I don’t understand why they would want to just be acquaintances. I’m told I seem indecisive and too kind and lack boundaries so people treat me like I’m some stupid person because apparently I don’t respect myself in some situations and respect is “earned” but I don’t know.. it hurts. PS none of these friends have met each other they are my friends from diff places

[anonbrunette99]

What are the reasons they may want to demote the friendship to acquaintances? Like what would that say about me. That they think I’m not good enough to be friends with them?

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

Appreciate you sharing more about this in full!
With what you shared now, I feel like your inner intuition was nudging you towards the reason behind these unfortunate instances happening when you shared this,
" I’m told I seem indecisive and too kind and lack boundaries so people treat me like I’m some stupid person because apparently I don’t respect myself in some situations and respect is “earned” but I don’t know.. it hurts. "
As someone who has been in that position before... more than once I can I empathize. For me it definitely was a lack of boundary issue coupled with being a people pleaser as a result of my west indies upbringing where children were seen not heard. Especially women. so I accepted all sorts of treatment because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. What got me out of it, was writing down how the behaviors of each specific person made me feel, then i called them and shared exactly what I wrote, and if they weren't understanding I let those motherlovers go and started doing self-love and self-reflection. e. g. looking into where these lack of boundaries stemmed from, asking myself why I feel compelled to be "nice" in order to be accepted as a friend, As opposed to letting my full personality show CLAWS N ALL! Since giving attitude when necessary is needed to 'check' people when they try to cross our lines of respect. As well looking up vids on youtube about "why do i lack boundaries?" " why am I people pleaser?" etc.

I look at your picture and I think to myself, " this lady is too damn pretty to be letting people disrespect her like that without sharing with them how their actions have made her feel."

Apologies if I gave unsolicted advice. I just saw my old self in your initial post and in the additional post you shared.

I feel like you will know what to do and the conclusion you come to scares you dont shy away from it. Growth is always outside of our comfort zone. Keep glowing 💖

[anonbrunette99]

Yeah I mean I know what I have to do. Get rid of them and start fresh focus on myself and when it’s time build new friendships it hurts that they don’t care and stuff but I need to remember my worth doesn’t decrease based on other people inability to see it. Perhaps because I’m nice and a people pleaser it makes it easy for them to half ass it. I’m sorry you can even relate to the feeling it’s horrible but I hope I can use this as fuel to grow and become a stronger person who builds meaningful reciprocated friendships where we all appreciate one another. When you see they just want to the acquaintance what do you think would be the reason for that? Lack of common interests or just failure to see me as a worth while close friend?

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

It could definitely be the lack the interest like you shared, Them not being able to match the level you're on which is good because that just makes room for those who can match your level ( energy or vibe ) to take the place of being your friend in the upcoming future. Unfortunately we never really know unless we ask them and some people are resistant to answering those questions.

Whichever route you decide to go, dont be afraid to share with us how you've been doing!

[Dawn183]

You should absolutely be offended. Not getting a gift card is okay, but not wishing you happy birthday, inviting someone you don't even know, and not being able to make it to dinner because of work but occasionally partying late with guys is more than enough to be offended

[anonbrunette99]

The girl that flaked bc “work” but would go out with guys already had her red flags, leaving me places drunk, befriending someone that did me wrong, the other one also had her red flags, famous for running off with guys at the club or going home and leaving me there too the other girl had zero red flags and I’m genuinely surprised she did that BUT I have known her for only 8 months it’s possible she felt she wasn’t that close to me. But even so I even get my new co-workers birthday cards if I have only known them for a few months or weeks it’s just a sweet gesture

[Dawn183]

I'm sorry to say this but she doesn't sound like a real friend. I don't know the full story, but from what I know, it seems like she is only with you to have fun and not be lonely. She's not friends with you because of who you are as a person, but of what you can do together. She can have fun while she's around you, and she won't be lonely. She doesn't respect you. She only showed up to your birthday dinner not because she wanted to be there for you, but only to party (hence why she didn't bring a card and why she came late). A real friend would've booked your birthday off, wished you a happy birthday, and got you a gift. I mean come on, wishing you a happy birthday is the least you can do. I'm sorry if this came off too harsh. I'm not saying to cut her off, just don't expect much from her

[Den1971]

Technically you could be but I really wouldn't worry about it you look at it from this point of view this so many things going on with the gas prices high as they are kids getting ready to start back to school these wars the food chain being backed up supply chain being backed up people tend to forget about things that are really important to them or things that they used to remember the thing that I will worry about it that you made it another year and you're going to continue to thrive but they forgot your birthday or not I'm going to tell you happy birthday happy birthday and many more

[serious]

One of them may forget but all your friends, it means they purposely did not wish you happy birthday.

[HighValue]

Try being a guy. No cards or gifts from any friends EVER.

[TallAnon]

I never celebrate my birthday, so I don't have any expectations to it. I think more people think of it like that and just ignore them completely.

[loveslongnails]

Sounds like you need new friends. Doesn't seem that they like you very much?

[Guardian45]

Hmmm. You need to pick new friends, and DUMP THOSE LOSERS!

[lofii]

Sounds to me like you don't have real friends.

You should cut them off

[Bklynbadboy12]

I would be cause I go all out for mine so I expect the same

[EaterPeter]

Absolutely my dear and you don't need permission from no one for that.

[Anonmehahaha]

I don't even get wishes lmao

[anonbrunette99]

Let’s be friends I’ll be the first to wish you happy bday every year lmao

[FilmGuy93]

Why are you friends with these people again?

[swettannie]

she doesn't look like a good friend

[anonbrunette99]

On her birthday I got her a card a gift, a gift card for a store and bought her a drink. Obviously we don’t share the same morals I knew she was broke but a simple card doesn’t cost much.

[swettannie]

hum hum...

[Andres77]

Time to find some new friends.