Is he being bored with me?

[Anonymous]

Recently he start to respond late and little to me and every time he says he has to do something or go somewhere. It is getting less and less. He told me he was talking on phone with his family for 3 hours. He don't respond for a long time and when he responds he doesn't answer all questions or just said he forgot. But he assure me he loves me and it isn't true...

[WaterIsland]

Are you in a relationship with him? I think that is an important question here.


If not, then I’d treat it as a major red flag. Especially him telling you he loves you without the commitment of a relationship.


If so, then I’d sit down with him and express that you’re concerned about it. And he should tell you what is going on and be honest with you. It truly could be that he’s busy and has a lot going on. And that is completely ok.


The last major question here. Is how long has he been more distant for? Like has this been going on for a few days? Or months? Pretty big difference there.

[Asker]

Thank you for fast response. So we have been dating for a month it is new. He has been distant last two weekends. During week not so much. I already told him yesterday I don't like that. I mean only heard him twice whole week both times. He told me he won't do that anymore but he does it again.

[WaterIsland]

Has he given any other reasons for why he hasn’t replied to you very much?

[Asker]

He said he had exams I understand that. But he doesn't have anymore and still again don't respond. And I didn't understand talking on phone excuse for 4 hours...

[WaterIsland]

Ugh that’s really difficult. It’s hard not to view that as a red flag. In the end tho, you have to decide if this is what you want. Not saying every relationship should be easy. But the fact that he gave you an excuse, said he’d do better, and that excuse is over, and he still isn’t doing better, is a red flag to me.

It’d be one thing if he said exams, and that he will be better about replying, then actually followed through with it. But that isn’t what happened here.

In a relationship I want someone who keeps their word or tells me why they can’t keep their word. That is an important piece of a relationship to me.

I get people get busy. That’s fine. But he isn’t communicating the best since he broke his word. Being busy is fine. Breaking your word without talking to your partner isn’t.

Communication is so important to me in a relationship. That doesn’t mean replying fast. But it means being honest and straightforward. And he isn’t showing that from what you said

[Asker]

Yeah that is why I am conteplating. I really trust and love him and believe he is good guy. But I am confused by this. I am really naive and you can tell that not only by trusting much only to person I love, I trust others too. So it is always hard for me to see situation rationally or how it is. If this continues I don't know what to do. Now he texted me he is at gathering after church so he can't text much.

[WaterIsland]

Here is the thing. You have to first define what is important to you in a relationship, in broad strokes. For me, communication is a must. If things go wrong (which is inevitable), I need my partner to be willing to communicate well with me. It’s a hard requirement for me.

So if I was in a relationship with someone and found out they can’t meet that requirement, I’d have enough self respect to be honest with her and end things. Even if I really trust and love her. I have to stay true to myself and what I want.

I’m not saying you should break up with him. And I’m not saying you should stay together. However, I’m saying that you HAVE to stay true to yourself and what you want in a relationship. Because other guys are out there. Or maybe he’s the one. But do not compromise on what you want in a relationship. Because if you do that, eventually it’ll lead to resentment and will eventually fail.

[WaterIsland]

One thing I forgot to mention. It’s ok to be indecisive and do nothing for a few weeks. It’s ok to see how things go. No need to make a quick decision here. But it’s something you will eventually need to figure out. I’m not sure you’ve exhausted all your options yet. And I’d make sure you’d do that before you make any final decisions.

Keep pushing him a bit. Keep holding him accountable. And you communicate too. Tell him how you feel when he breaks his word.

[Asker]

Okay! Thank you so much for your turn on my situation. I will think about all of what you said wisely and consider it. I will try to see where it goes but I really love this guy. I care so much about it.

[WaterIsland]

Of course! I hope it was helpful. Your dedication and loyalty is truly special. Don’t ever lose that. But also put yourself first. I believe dating is meant to find someone to eventually spend your life with. And so it’s totally fair to say this isn’t what I’m looking for. That is ok!

I hope everything works out for you! And good luck. If I can assist anymore, my messages on this app are open, or you can feel free to reply here.

[Beatrix7]

this happend to me the exact same thing thats happning to u. when i was with my ex when we where in a relashionship. it could mean he is bored and he's found someone better to talk to according to him. a dont mean that bad or he mite be in a relashionship with someone else. sorry to say that but if u want truthful opinions i will give it i dont lie am trying to help hunni. have a talk to him first about it because my ex was doing these exact same things and he kept saying am going out iam on the phone am eating am busy and lie about it sometimes. and said he would call back but never did now thats a lier you dont want to be with a guy like that then i found out he was cheating on me for 2 years. sorry hunni pm for a privite convo if u want i went through the same thing and know how you feel

[serious_miss419]

Are you with this guy in real life or they guy he is on his phone?

[spartan55]

Wgo is he?

[spartan55]

*WHO