What's worse? Cheating or being the second choice?

Question

Being the second/third choice for someone you love or being with the one you love and then they cheat on you?

The word love is very important as in the first case is not just a crush, but someone you care about, but they don't value you enough and choose to sleep with other people. And for the cheating case it is obvious what it means.

For me they are both as bad, because in the first case they value other people more and on the second case they betray you. And in both cases your feelings aren't taken into consideration.

Tdieseler · Accepted Answer

Knowing what i know about cheating... i picked being the second choice as being the worst. Cheating doesn't start when someone sleeps with someone else... thats where it ENDS because most likely the Other person... the "victim" probably started it.

I had a friend who had this over-the-top sensitive girlfriend who got upset at literally everything... for some reason, they survived long enough to move in together, im guessing due to his patience and being a good guy. I met him after they had moved in together and he was always just telling me about things she would do and say and how if one thing was off and she was upset, sex was off the table that night.. then one day he told me that after work he had gone home with a coworker... and they did the deed... he asked me if that meant he had cheated.. i told him no. I said his cup had finally been filled and he had to empty it. He had to react.
Then i told him to stop walking on eggshells trying to please that girl... any man who does that is just stupid, women are never satisfied, and if they are, they want "more", the story never ends. He can either assert himself and do him... or... kick her to the curb.
I guess he chose option A... and guess what.. they are still together, he is happier and he never branched out again. "Cheating" ends when someone branches out. Thats not where it begins... write that down. If you get cheated on...9 times out of 10... YOU fucked up somewhere.

Being the second choice to me is the worst out of the two options... knowing that if someone you love were to pick between you and another person/object, undoubtedly, they would pick the other... and knowing my life, one day that decision would come up. So my thing is if im not number one to em, neither are they to me.

scooogy · Accepted Answer

The girl I used to love had made me jealous with her new guy at a college party in spring 2015. I grew to hate her for that, though she didn't seem as happy with him later on. Lately, I found out that he seems to cheat on her, knowing that she'll leave off to Denmark for her doctor's degree, as he told me. Considering that, I wondered if I'd take her back if she wanted to (like a week after hell froze down) because on the one hand I'd consider her "used" because I'd know of her ex-boyfriend, and on the other hand I'd somehow like to really try and have that kind of relationship with her which I dreamed of for f*cking YEARS since I met her. So, this is a kind of difficult question to me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Being cheat on. Even if you are someone a 2nd or 3rd choice you still have the relationship to grow with each other, if your not good enough the relationship won't last and there's no real connection but if it is a serious relationship and there's cheating well you can get hurt.

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

Cheating for sure!
Second or third choice means they were never yours... so sure it stings and feels like crap but there is no commitment.
Being cheated on is them breaking the fact you THOUGHT you were first choice but it turns out you’re not

CandacePerry · Answer

Cheating hurt more emotion & it nothing. it ruin trust as. No trust the relationship. People should be honest

Spawnface · Answer

Well, people are allowed preferences and being 2nd is just a tragedy. Like, it's you voluntarily stepping into those shoes so it's on you.

Cheating is worse, because you haven't done anything to deserve it. You've also lost all the investments of time and money into the relationship. Plus it more dangerous, sexually.

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

Being second best because it's soul destroying although being cheated on also knocks you in to second you just have the advantage of having an outlet to vent at.

chameleon3081 · Answer

Both are bad in my view. But being second choice is worse than cheating in my eyes. To me it means your partner may care about you, but only with you because they feel they have no other choice, or they are too old. I personally think picking second and third options is what contributes to the high divorce rates in some countries. I also think being second choice could push your partner to cheat.

coolbreeze · Answer

Cheating hurts the most but being second choice is kind of like being cheated on in a way.

ZestyWatermelon · Answer

At least withbeing the second choice you know where you stand.  Being cheated on is like goong on a nice walk in the park and then out of nowhere being hit with a ton of bricks.

Wolframium · Answer

If you're not first choice or if you're the person who they cheats with, get out. There is not better or worst. Do you want to be shot over 1 km distance with high power sniper rifle or 50 m from assault rifle? What's better?

pance · Answer

it depends on why did he cheat on you , what did you do or what are you missing.. that's a reason out of millions

and being the second choice is not bad as being cheated on because being cheated on means that he stopped loving you but being the second means he loves you but not fully like he wants you that's why he chose you

Dionigi · Answer

By being the second choice you mean being in an open relationship. That at least is an honest arrangement.
Being cheated on... that is so painful, it feels like dying, you feel the humiliation and disgust burning your chest.

Logorithim · Answer

Clearly it is much better to be second choice, Being cheated on feels terrible and makes most people question themselves as a person.

Lance1965 · Answer

Cheating is worse and I think a lot of people are the second or third choice anyway. Most people never get the one they want so they settle for someone else. Of course this is never talked about but I think it is reality in most relationships.

SirRexington · Answer

I'd consider being cheated on as being a second choice as well.

genericname85 · Answer

if you are 22, chances are you're not even the second choice for your partner xD so i'd go with cheating is worse.

Mochli · Answer

It's both horrible and a red flag for me. That relationship won't work out.

PlumbumPenatrator · Answer

I actually wouldn't mind either... I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a ugly worthless shit... I'd just be over the moon if a girl likes me in more than just a friend sort of way...

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Both. Being cheated on shows you you're the person's second choice or less.

Wowgirl10q · Answer

Both horrible but second choice isn't a lack of morals on your part Cheating sure is

Eleni91 · Answer

I saying cheating cause they could bring you something though being 2nd sucked I found out ended the relationships.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Being cheated on. Being on the back burner might make you ache for awhile. Getting cheated on has led many to premeditated murder..

Anonymous · Answer

I would say second choice, not 100% what it means but if it's they are with some one and keep you about then that hurts. Not that I've ever been anyone's choice

What's worse? Cheating or being the second choice?

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