Do you honestly learn from your mistakes?

[michaelbernad001]

[AmandaYVR]

Well short answer is yes. But there's more to it.

Making mistakes - whether they be stupid, big, trivial, unnecessarily risky, or knowingly risky but hoping for a positive outcome that didn't happen but it's understandable, etc - ... they do a number of things. They 'teach' us that if we do that again next time, the outcome may not be favourable. But there are no guarantees. And what humans tend to do is try and apply things to a new situation, another context, and that is not always the right thing to do. We can also limit ourselves by too closely associating one event to another. (Similar to 'correlation does not equal causation.') Fear is THE most powerful influencer of behaviour. The plain centre is more sensitive than pleasure. And lord knows if you look at Mr. Pumpkinhead as an example, you can more easily rally people in hate, and fear, than in happiness and the idea of a unified whole. Cults also use tactics like this to emotionally manipulate people. As do sociopaths. I just heard about a woman who was so manipulated by her then-bf, he made her believe that she did something very vindictive to destroy his career, when she did no such thing.
Knowing you made a mistake doesn't necessarily fix the behaviour and then it's all done and nicely tied up, no problems from that point on. If a person overreacts to what they believe was a mistake, they can become paralyzed in indecision, which is its own sort of problem. Actually, it is said that no making decisions is a huge problem, and those people tend to suffer economically, career-wise, and even in relationships (often by not having one; or not ending one that is going nowhere.)

I skimmed down the list of responses and pretty much everyone is saying 'yes.' But I think by you asking the question, you are looking for something more, some other analysis or angle here. And that's how I see a lot of things.
First, I'll assume that a 'mistake' is something that did not turn out well, and that a person regrets. But there's also such a thing as not being able to move on, and couching some action as a mistake, when in fact, the mind does all sorts of mental gymnastics - both good and bad, intentionally and not, to change how we feel, how we assess, the things we (and others) have done.

But to answer your question, for me, I know intellectually know that I fucked up, and I certainly have no intention of doing that thing again. But sometimes I am also aware of the distortion, or that my objectivity is obliterated (for whatever reason) and I tend to berate myself for what I can only remember as the negative in something I did. Even stack on a whole bunch of great, happy, positive, experiences, and they fade away in my mind and memory, and I feel the sting of the negative, and so strong are these feelings, and assocations, I want nothing more to do with that thing. Whatever it is/was. I learn to avoid it because it makes me feel like shit (or bad, to put it softer), yet I'm not even sure that it is, objectively, the right conclusion.
Hopefully some of this makes sense. I think there's a lot of directions this topic can go in.

[okdigimon07]

This is very helpful advice, and I like this answer.

[AmandaYVR]

@okdigimon07 Thank you. 💐 I just re-read, and had some typos in there and maybe not all that succinct, but it's an interesting topic.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

All of a sudden so many female responses. Why? Because girls do nothing but make mistakes, and then justify them as 'learning'.
Especially the mistakes of 'got fucked anyhow' nature.

[okdigimon07]

Depend on female individuals in situations.

[AmandaYVR]

@ThatNoUVAtYourEyes I agree with you that it is definitely of note, the number of pink responses on this q. It's atypical for sure.

But that is pretty nasty, your characterization of why. I strongly beg to differ, and in fact, I'm quite sure you're wrong. That's ridiculous to say that an entire gender makes more mistakes than another gender.

The real reason here is probably that girls have, and more importantly exhibit, less confidence than guys. Whether guys feel truly confident or not, they know how disadvantageous it is in society to reveal that. So they tend to boast, speak more freely without editing themselves, and even in a university study where all students were given high scores, to test their self-assessment which was not based on fact, young males attributed "skill" and "knowledge" to their faked high test scores, while the girls attributed it to "luck."

Females ask more questions to seek advice from others. Males more often consider this a sign of weakness.
So it's absolutely logical to conclude that females here, by saying they've learned, are by proxy admitting to having made the mistakes in the first place.

[AmandaYVR]

@ThatNoUVAtYourEyes I figured out why this q has so many female responses.
Because this user follows 4K and they're all female, and he autoinvites everyone to his qs. The girls will respond more if invited.
They do it on his, irrespective of topic.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

Amanda,

We both know it. They love to hide sex, then they get insecure 'what if he tells people'.
Why else do you think girls are insecure?

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

They l9ve to hide with one guy, then insist another parades them in public because they know full well what they are hiding. Then they get more insecure about 'and what if the two of them figure it out'. It's all complete and utter bullshit, female 'white (someone else is also fucking me) lies'

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

That, and sexual lusting over young boys/male pre-teen children
Those are the 3 things girls are insecure about.

[AmandaYVR]

@ThatNoUVAtYourEyes You're supposedly 43. Why do you care what teens do? Of course they don't know what they're doing. They're young and have lots to learn.
Over here in the west sex is not stigmatized much. They don't have to hide the fact that they're having sex. Some are actually proud of it, just like males.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

How do 'west' and 'males' correlate?

[AmandaYVR]

@ThatNoUVAtYourEyes You're saying that girls like sex, have sex, but try to hide the fact that they having it. Right?
And I'm saying that in the West, sex is not very stigmatized, and girls are pretty open about having it, and enjoying it, just like young males do/are.
(And as people get older and more mature, they stop flaunting it, and remain more private about it.)
But I'm saying that there are geographical cultural differences. The more judgment there is, the more some activity will go underground.

[Screenwriter]

Completely according to what kind of person you are. If you're a narcissist, you never make mistakes, so there's no learning. If you're depressive, you're so down when you make your mistakes you can't frame them in any logical fashion to address them. If you're manic, you don't remember them.

I'm sort of kidding, but also half serious. Let's use marriage or longterm relationships as examples. The studies show that few people do better in second marriages than in firsts. Likely because they're younger and more tolerant of bullshit in the first marriages and more hopeful. By the time the second ones happen, later in life, people won't stand for the waste of time they experienced in the first bad relationship.

However, there's this caveat. Did the person choose better the second time around, or pick another inappropriate partner or remarry too soon? Did they learn from the first mistake, or choose a different kind of mistake the second time around? 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. 67 percent of second marriages. 74 percent of third marriages. So, not so sure there's much learning from earlier mistakes going on in marriage.

Why would it be any different in other aspects of life, unless a person is committed to deep thought, counseling and change.

[t-8900]

Yes it's the hallmark of BEING AN ADULT. If you screwed up you need to learn from it and check yourself and not repeat the mistake. You can't be forgiven if you haven't put in the effort and show the willingness to change. This is why despite a partner cheating if it's a single f up there's POTENTIAL to work through that. Not say I would take her back but I'd be more likely to at least consider it if she was honest, opened, and she never did that again. And YES despite what some people say a woman can fix that mistake and never do it again.

[Citizenkirk]

As a fellow numbness in current student of the school hard knocks I can honestly say I am learning a lot from my mistakes including the value of friends and family too can trust.
I, for one, do not consider anyone that I cannot trust, too be friends, family, or welcome in my presence.

[Medlife]

Tbh ermmmm lol. Takes a long time at least for me to stop repeating the same mistake. I often do not realize im doing it. Once I catch on I imidiately often harshly end it. Its a huge step forward for me, no one said its going to be elegant or pleasant. It will take many tries, but eventually it will become a second nature or a habit.

[Mollynotgemma]

If you want too! You can make a mistake know it’s wrong but do it again…. Perhaps because you need to learn more from the mistake? I’ve made mistakes that are similar many times over… and finally at 40 see what I should have learnt but still can’t do it right

[Apulu_3]

Yes I do learn from my mistakes. I was in 5th grade when ones I was doing some maths questions for revision of exam but I didn't knew the answers. I didn't even touched the book. So I copied down the answers from the back of the book and saved myself by cheating the revision sheet. The next day at exam the same type of questions came and I just got very bad grades as I didn't knew the method of solving the problem.

[josephinelcajon]

Personally I would like to think I do but sadly I have repeated some. Our society and goverment seem even worse at this. Maybe its like evolution it takes many times and many years to get a small amount of change. This would be sad and sad we dont learn faster!

[Arcreactor81]

Yes. Absolutely.
I punched a kid in elementary school, and I was suspended.
And I shall do it again.
I definitely learned from my mistake of letting the authorities know about that.

Never again.

[slackbabbath]

I do. I never make the same mistake twice. I really work through my mistakes internally/psychologically and work through the lesson. So, I never have the same mental structure as I had previous to the mistake so the mistake isn’t made again.

[Alyssa11]

Never used to but now I do. I’ve stayed off serious dating for about 15 months now. I’m not rebounding. I’m not messing with nobody’s son. I’m taking care of myself until I meet someone worth dating.

[menina]

Yes I truly do. Sometimes I get traumatized after making a mistake so I really don't want to repeat it.

[NeicyDOne]

😁😁Yes

[StormyWinter]

Depends how hot he was, if he was cute enough I'd make it three times at least before I learnt 🤣🤣🤣

[tee_64]

Yes we do and if we don't then we will create a pattern of attracting the same situation again and again in life unless we learn the lesson

[snowgirl123]

if you work hard enough there is almost certainty that you can learn and change. it is best to stay away from what drives you to your mistakes

[Siren777]

It's normal to make mistakes as we all blunder at some point. I have and having learned from them; hopefully I won't make them again.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes 100%. It’s that or learn from the mistakes of other people… which is always the better way to go!

[Anonymity123999]

I think so. You might make the same mistake a couple of times first but I think you will learn from it eventually

[electromagnetic]

Nope. I must experience them at least 6 times to maximize the learning process.

[pretyyygirl]

Yeah I write it down and what I learned from it too

[19magic]

Do I learn yes, do I learn the moment I made the mistake probably not

[Cherry234]

Not always. Sometimes it takes me a while depending on which one it is

[tatianamay]

I do. My father always says that its only a mistake if you DON'T learn from it.

[jennifer_bloom]

Of course I do. I’ve improved so much over the last 30 years and also in the last 10.

[Kasshoko]

If the mistake is 'Sleep with guy on first date', then no. No, I have not learned XS

[Ailito]

Possibly. Real question is do I listen to what I've learned. And no. No I do not.

[franziska]

I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I try to learn from mistakes and not repeat them. Very rarely do the same mistakes happen to me and I am happy.

[kittengrrl]

No not really honestly but maybe I do if I am admitting it if that makes sense I dunno

[Lliam]

I do. That's why I'm not as clueless I was when I was 18. I actually self assess all the time and look at mistakes as opportunities to learn.

[sensible27]

Sometimes, not in chess. It's just a matter of how much, you are always wrong the goal is to be less wrong.

[pickedcrisps]

Yes. And @michaelbernad001 from one straight guy to another man you are clearly hitting the gym aren't ya? Inspirational for lazy me 🙄🙄😀😀

[Anonymous]

Yes, but sometimes depending on what it is I find myself relearning something.

[LivingExample]

Yes, I have made a Lot of Mistakes in my life, but I can say I have only made them once!

[HighValue]

The very few that I have ever made, yes, I learned from them and haven't repeated them.

[hiddenshadows_xo]

Yes and no, when yes it's because I see where I went wrong, with no, it's because I genuinely didn't think I was in the wrong

[Confusedblondegirl]

Yes being single is a mistake and i’m trying to change jt

[NoOneEver]

I feel like my mistakes cause too much damage to learn from tbh

[boxxie2002]

I think I do.
There some I repeat thinking I can get a different outcome though... usually the same outcome haha

[zagor]

I prefer to repeat them. Once you've got something down, why change?

[sensible27]

Funny.

[crazy8000]

Sure.
If it wasn't a countiose choice that it could become a mistake 😉

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes and you better learn from your mistakes and other people's mistakes as well.

[Shy_Steve]

Yes, I do.
Odviously I would rather avoid mistakes.

[claryy]

Of course, I learned to not trust people very easy

[claryy]

***Easily not very easy

[FitCarmen]

Most of the time but not always

[BlacklightShade]

99% say they do.
99% do not.

[Kroberts16]

I try to but sometimes it's hard

[supercutebutt]

I do but I know people who don't.

[LinaDaGoddess]

Yes and I also learn from the mistakes of others.

[Tiptoetamm]

I do. How else do you learn

[TrueConfection]

Yes, but I still repeat some of them.

[maybear]

It really depends on the mistake. Sometimes yes.

[dustybiker]

I learn not only from mine, but others as well.

[postaldudePL123]

Yes, and when we want to learn again we do that same mistake again.

[jimmy2]

You can but you have to learn what not to do... its a verb

[Hangry06]

Yes. I think it was easier when i was young

[mimi051998]

Yes, sometimes. It matters the mistake.

[Anonymous]

Those who don't learn from their mistakes are bound to repeat their mistakes.

[iboobs]

I always learn from my mistakes

[Justneedtokno]

don’t think of them as regrets just lessons

[CatWithAMellonBrain]

It would take time depending on the mistake.

[Jem38]

Yes. I learn from my mistakes.

[JasmineSydney]

Yes 100%. I learned from it

[serious]

Depends on the mistake and yes I do

[Nazgol]

I try. Not always easy