Have you noticed that the people with the kindest eyes are survivors of the biggest pain?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I was just watching something and noticed that people who have survived some horrible traumas or pain, they are very kind and they have very kind eyes… Why’s that?

Just observe, people who walk around with very kind and forgiving face, and ask them a bit about their life and you’ll see they’ve seen something bad in their past…

Makes me feel sad…

[BoopBoopBeep]

I think seeing/experiencing a level of suck that most people don't ever know puts things in perspective. I talked to a guy in Afghanistan... local warlord... had 5 sons...4 of them had been killed fighting against ISIS or al Qaeda or the Taliban. 5th one lost a leg and his genitalia in an assassination attempt. Old guy was like I outlived 4 of my children. I may outlive the 5th, because I've been fighting for 40 years and am better than them. When I die my family will die because my sons were all killed before they had sons, and my last son cannot have a son of his own. I asked him if he wanted to sit that mission out because... well... F it. He grabbed his rifle and smiled and said basically "no, I lead with you. Nobody enjoys killing these MF more than I do"

Bunch of the young guys under his command would all but flee when we started exchanging democratic ideals 5.56mm at a time but this short little dusty Gandalf-looking joker was always right there with his horrible cigar dumping mag after mag in the direction of contact.

I later went to his fifth son's funeral with him. He died in a shootout when he walked into an ambush but he and his men took a good number of those F-sticks with them on the way out. I brought heavy overwatch with me to the funeral because if MFs wanna play FAFO we were gonna pour out a drum of whoopass and hellfire big enough to dam up the River Styx. I was asked to help carry the body which was a huge honor. The father smiled and hugged me afterwards. He said he has had fun working with me, but he has no more obligations in this world, and he was going to use his remaining years to speed things up. For the next three months he went on his dark origin story arc and left a trail of ashes in his wake. He f'ed up enough bad guys to really make a measurable difference in his area. No more negotiation, no more detente, no more stalemates, just Sherman's March to the Sea shite. Every so often we'd talk on the phone and he'd give me locations of bodies to come scan so we'd know who was off the board when he got somebody important. I kept trying to get him to go out for dinner or chai or something with me... bring him back into the fold so he could have some better assets around to "do stuff." He always said he would when he wasn't so busy, but his tone of voice was a clear "never" that I understood, and he understood I understood. After a weekend where he went particularly John Wick I asked him when he was going to be less busy and he said "as soon as the war is over my friend. I will call you next week with another delivery."

Never heard from him again. He never kept cell phones longer than a couple days so I had no number to locate. I had to assume the worst. I just hope he died on his feet surrounded by the fallen and that someone was eventually there to bathe, wrap and carry his body, too.

His eyes always sparkled though, and I bet they were at the very end.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you for sharing me a story about him…

I can almost imagine his eyes.

I think I remember him from your stories, he gave you a sort of a keepsake, right?

The person with the kindest eyes I’ve seen in real life is my father, I think that’s because he has also faced and won against death many times.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I think you're talking about the riding crop I was given, which sadly was a different old guy that lost his whole family fighting al qaeda. They were all gone before ISIS was a thing. The guy that gave me the riding crop stayed "with us" until the end. He was an extraordinary asset to have, and his loss was felt deeply. That crop is with the boots I had on when I got blown up and the scarf I used to tie off my leg when that bullet crawled up in there to cuddle with my fibia, a couple other little mementos from some foreign armies... The things I'd run back into the fire to get out after the rescue kittens are secure.

I'm impressed you remember though :)

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Oh yes, that’s right. He gave you a riding crop. I thought they were the same people as they both lost family.

Very sad, to think that there were more than one, who has seen such a loss.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@LaFemmeFatale_1
You know what IS really sad? "How many people do you know that kept on fighting after losing their whole family, wow that must be rare?"

Nope. Probably three dozen. To various degrees of success of course, and certainly varying lengths of time, but yeah. Family reunions get real hard to coordinate in some parts of the world.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You read my mind… I was thinking How many more people do you know that have lost their families…

[BoopBoopBeep]

@LaFemmeFatale_1
I had one asset that lost 23 or 24 members of his family fighting. Another 7 were killed in random violence, roadside bomb, caught in the crossfire, etc... not specifically against them just wrong place wrong time. Really I always found it hard to have a conversation with the fighting age men who did NOT fight. It's like bro, your country sucks, sure, but if you're in the army and i can't even get you to hold the line then it's always going to suck, because eventually I'm going home and you're still going to be here. Seriously... man the F up.

I met a woman that had formed a company of fighters after her husband was beheaded in her living room and her sons were stolen. She knew shite about tactics but she knew how to motivate people to fight. They were never any good, but at least they were trying. She said she recruited most of the men by finding the women affected and pretty much guilt tripping them into signing up. Whatever works.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Wow… I can imagine the rage she felt to have that happen to her…

Who stole her sons?

It is hurtful to imagine their fate.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Taliban. It was in a super rural Pashtun area. They would end up as chai boys given their age. In that culture that's probably worse for a mother than having her sons killed. If you don't know what a chai boy is, don't look it up.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I know what that means. Boils my blood to imagine what they’d be through, hope their mom took a revenge for them.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah I hope so. No telling how many other mom's she kept from going through that. One afghan was like "why do men follow her that is shameful, she's just a woman it is not manly" it was some college aged kid that had done nothing in life but go to kabul university. I slapped the dogpiss outta him and when he (rightly) stayed on the ground and started crying i told him that if i'd done that to her she'd probably have been man enough to stand back up, so he's not in a position to talk of what isn't manly. that wasn't my best moment, i'll give you that, but it'd been a long week and I just wasn't in for more dumbassery

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think being a woman can be a stronger weapon sometimes.

Because people fail to mistakenly think of women as weak, that can be a strength,

Because in the end, when you are left alone with that woman you thought of to be weak, it might strike you too late, that she’s actually not weak and in truth, very dangerous.

I can imagine that’s what a mom who had her husband killed and children stolen would be like…

[BoopBoopBeep]

She wasn't f'ing around. Her unit never took prisoners. There's upside and downside to that, but word got around and people learned what's what.

[CalmUntilAbused]

Not really sure. I guess it's true up to certain extent. Too much pain can break a person. Even if they are kind on a daily basis, their outlook on life will be very grim and they might be prone to fits of murderous rage. Up until some point, though, it's true. If You've never experienced any pain, You simply do not understand how messed up life can get and thus it's harder to put Yourself in someone else's shoes. If You've been through hell Yourself, You will recognize people on pain on sight and You will be more inclined to feel bad for them.

[Simslover92]

I have noticed that. My boyfriend is the kindest person you could probably ever meet and he's been through so much trauma you would think it would have turned him into a cynical and scornful person but he is the complete opposite. Always so compassionate and considerate of others. Always putting others first and helping them out when they are going through something.

I think going through something so traumatic and honestly tragic af will make a person either be really empathetic to those that also have similar experiences and even those who do not or turn them off from the world. He could have chosen to turn his back towards people after what he went through but instead he chose to fight and be a very good person. I think that's why I love him so damn much. He's endured so much and yet you would never guess he's been through what he's been through if you met him.

[bobalife]

Because they know what it’s like to be hurt and wanna bring more kindness to the world and not let others go through what they went through.

[MasseurDeMojo]

This I understand. I have always been seen as the kind one. But, to know my past would make many cry. The things I had to live through, and the things I suffered. I grew up in an era where the color of my skin could get me killed even as a child. When segregation was finally being lifted in schools. I went to a mixed school, there were not many of my skin color in that school. A government agent came to that school to use us for seeing what the new rules for all schools should be. We were kids, but we were also taught to think at a very young age. We helped in developing the rules that would be used nationwide.

And yes, there was still clan activity at that time. They set up a burning cross in front of our house in our neighborhood. My father knew our neighbors, had a few words with one of them, who was also in the service at the time. He went and talked to another neighbor who he knew had clan affiliations, and the hostility immediately stopped.

That did not mean I could let my guard down as a child; I still had to be alert when outside having fun, and my parents had to know where I was and how to reach me at all times.

These I would consider bad, but not the hardest thing to deal with. That one I will reserve. It is very bad.

[NathanDavis]

but... this is also true for so many abusers, serial killers and mass murderers...

many times, a lot of trauma and pain has been inflicted to them as well... and it turns into a vicious cycle

also... a lot of truly kind and wonderful people did not go through such extreme situations, but they're still genuinely kind people by nature

[RandomUser1000]

It's easier to have an understanding towards others and being emphatic if you had your own struggles.

If you only ever had it easy it's easier to be spoiled and have little understanding for others struggles.

I'm not saying it is as easy as
Hard life = good person
Easy life = bad person

Not as easy as that.
But I think someone who had their own though times is more likely to be empathic towards others.

[DJB72]

I've been told I have kind eyes.

I've also been told I have an "angry" look that could make lava reconsider it's course.

Take what you will from that 🤣

[love_conquers_lust]

Empathy is drilled into one’s psyche. If it’s chronic, it becomes hyper developed to where they focus on their pain and others to an abnormal, sometimes unhealthy amount.

I know emotions can alter the dilation of pupils. Generally, they dilate when we wish to take in more optic information, such as being excited, afraid, or in pain. Eyes don’t lie.

[andreasderjuengere]

I don't have an answer or a 'theory' - but your question made me think; and made me reflect some stuff.

Thanks.

[NoOneEver]

I think it would be worse to try and turn your heart into stone tbh… which is the path life leads us down naturally trying to make us more jaded through everything? So why try to get a jump start on it preemptively?

[boggboss]

Thats bot complety true many of the worlds worst people come from traumatic backgrounds trauma has the ability to make or break people

[On_cloud_wine]

They are soft in the eyes. I feel that too

[On_cloud_wine]

The ones that have overcame and made peace with their past at least..

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes… Exactly…

[Jkgordon]

Interesting concept these people are usually naive & gullible

[Date_a_Snob]

people say I have kind eyes and I've never survived any trauma

[TiaNour]

Omg yes, I had a friend that is the legit nicest person I know and when I asked him about his life, it broke my heart

[douride2]

Yes just look into my eyes.