Is there a memory from your life that keeps you up at night?

[StudyingAuthor]

I will provide the memory that influenced this question tommorow afternoon.

Updates

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Okay, it's after noon. One memory that keeps me up at night is not pretty, but it's true.
I was on a trip with my dad and step-mom. We were nice and settled in the hotel room so my dad and my stepmom left the room to do lord knows what, I think they went to a club. But they left a 7 year old me with my 2 year old sister. I sat in the window waiting for them to come back for hours. I watched the people walk by having fun. And I realise now how that is not the norm for others.

Updates

+1 y

Another thing that I have not shared yet is about my grandfather. He was in the VA with stage four cancer at age 72. I loved to visit him often in hopes of wanting him to stay alive longer. The last time I was in the room with him, about 1 week before he passed away, I was standing there, he could barely open his mouth but the last things he said to me was "Oh please." it was a cry, I knew he wanted to die, we all knew it, but did I want to admit it? No.

[Anonymous]

I had a hard time making friends when I was a little kid. But one of the popular ones lived down the block from me. We became close I remember he said other people didn't know what they were talking about with me and that I was really cool.

It was the first friend I had who lived close. We started hanging out everyday. His parents cooked for me when my parents were going through their issues. His mom always made me feel so welcome and warm like I almost never felt at home.

I walked to his house on Christmas eve one day because I wanted to play in the snow with him and his mom slammed the door in my face. She was disgusted I came over on a holiday. I tried to apologize but when we went back to school, everyone heard about my embarrassing story about how I ate all their food because I practically lived alone with no friends.

Sometimes I think about how I thought of those people like they were family because they treated me better than mine and all it took was me not paying attention to what day of the week it was for them to not just turn on me but publicly humiliate me.

No warning, no conversation not even an explanation. I learned about closure before I had my first kiss.

[Kaneki05]

Yikes sorry.
For me it's mostly everything my mother did to me and ya know that's a fact in of my mind.
Much like you lots of stuff that wasn't the norm which I always knew but she would always gaslight me. She did smack me sometimes but it wasn't punching so that's fine right? But now I know that's dumb.
Abuse is abuse. In my head it's like oh it wasn't that bad which is a fool speaking.
Oh it's not bad she left me in a car on a hot day while she had sex with her new boyfriend, I had a DS right? That's totally fine then. But when it ran out of battery what did I do? But when I needed to the toilet what did I do?
She goes 'It's only been a couple of hours couldn't you hold in your pee?' and ya know my dumb little brain goes 'Ah that's true I should've.'
And now you know why I don't ever really feel the need to pee.
A bit TDM but that is a good example of how just her things effect me as been me.

[Kaneki05]

TMD*

[StudyingAuthor]

Yeah, My dad made me used to cutting off my emotions and my step dad and mom would wonder what was wrong with me. Now that I'm learning how to feel again, I'm seeing everything with brand new eyes, things I seen as normal with my dad was actually neglectful and quite frankly abusive. He smoked so much weed back when I was 7 that now he's got me doing it, it's terrible, but true.

[StudyingAuthor]

Imma use your thing to post the rest of the update so I won't forget lol.
As a 5 day late birthday present, he died. October 20, 2023. You know, that night before he died, I could hear his strangled voice saying "Oh please." I could see him, staring at me, begging me to let go, but I was too selfish to let go. And that's another thing that keeps me up at night, because I swear I still hear his voice... crying out to me.

[Kaneki05]

Glad your seeing it now. With me it just makes me so angry yet I am always calm as a rock another thing done by her no doubt.
Weed ain't good until your in 20s! It effects brain development a lot so doing it that while your brain is developing is... very bad. It's probably the biggest concern of weed. Gotta stop smoking that.

[StudyingAuthor]

yup i do, I'll tell you when I quit, but I'm still smart today.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I did overthink a lot, when I was your age. 😊 But now.. I don't think about it anymore. I'm too tired to think about the things I cannot control.. or maybe it's also part of maturing.

[kylee2437]

My fathers passing and me having to see his dead body on the floor

[StudyingAuthor]

Damn, that's tough.

[lil_will_12]

It doesn't keep me up, but a best friend of mine left to go to another school early in middle school. I've always wondered why she did it and if it were my fault for not caring about her enough at that time. Its been like 2 years since weve last seen each other. But i really hope one day we’ll be able to meet again 😔

[StudyingAuthor]

Hey, I've always wondered ab if my friends thought ab me like that. I left 2 years ago to be homeschooled and no one really cared fr.

[StudyingAuthor]

plus, where ya been bro?

[lil_will_12]

Yeah I havnt been on in a while. I hate this place, srry its just filled to the brim with stupid questions that i look at and go either “🙄” or “😑” but i am glad to have made a friend on here ☺️

But i probably won't be on very much anymore, ill just check in from time to time👍

[StudyingAuthor]

LOL.
Alr, sad to hear that but dm me if u need someone to talk to!

[lil_will_12]

😎👍

[Fireguy17]

sometimes it was a bad call we had that day.
You keep playing it over and over.
What if we got there quicker, what could we have done differently, or what did we miss?
It always turns out the same, no matter what we did, or if it had happened in a hospital parking lot the results would have been the same.

[Wiredone]

No. I don't dwell on the past. The present, my job, keeps me up at night because I always have work on my mind

[StudyingAuthor]

lol, u should take a break then.

[Wiredone]

I took a 4 day weekend this weekend. I still thought about the jobs I've got going on

[StudyingAuthor]

LMAO, I don't know what to tell ya then.

[Wiredone]

I'm just a workaholic

[StudyingAuthor]

Oh lord, help him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

There's several but I can vividly see my best friend get shot down on repeat in my head and that's one of them

[Miah04]

Yes. People who know me, know the trauma i went through that changed my life when i was about your age

[MemeSupreme]

got plenty in my pokémon deck

has it been bothering you lately

[exitseven]

Sometimes I still think about the one that got away

[andy530]

I’ve got a couple. One with a cousin that happened when I was a kid and one when I was in my 20s when I went to the dr

[andy530]

That would be terrifying as a kid. So sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing!

[Dongie]

No. But sometimes I wake up swinging.

[eagle1951]

oh yeah yes Vietnam

[StudyingAuthor]

everything from it or just one specific moment?

[eagle1951]

well both

[StudyingAuthor]

Nice, I normally would tell you one of mine, but I'll just tell you to stay tuned till tomorrow afternoon.

[eagle1951]

ok..

[noohair]

NO, I look forward.