Why are you "scared" of someone you're attracted to?

[Anonymous]

We meet someone, and suddenly the heart drops, you get butterflies and yet you are too scared to say anything or do anything about it. What would the number one factor of these causes?

Have you actually done something about it, did it work out, did it end badly? How do you get through these factors?

[SomeGuy37]

I think at your age, it is normal to feel unsure, scared, and concerned about what the other might think, about you.
After dating a while, several years of living, some, maybe like me, just get to a point where that doesn't matter.
She can like me, or not, or want to date, or not, and I really don't care, until we actually DO DATE, and make some connection.
Why should I be nervous, with her? I'm old enough that I might have gone to High School with your mom or dad.
Age takes it's toll, and there are so many things that were SO IMPORTANT when we were your age, that just don't matter anymore!
I can honestly say, that I would love to have a close, loving lady, as my companion, but I don't NEED that, to be me, to be 'complete'.
Where I am at, she needs to be AMAZING, and VERY SELF-Confident for me to even want a second date!
Not a prude, or judgmental, but if I am going to take time, out of my life, for someone, she has to bring something AMAZING to the 'table', and I am not talking about anything sexual!! Sex is such a small part of what I want, in a 'Relationship' with someone I 'LOVE'!

[MazeOfLove]

From a relationship coaches perspective, the number one reason that we are scared of people we are attracted to is fear. Here's how it works.

We are attracted to them and we think 'what if' in terms of a relationship (Good)
Then we think 'what if they reject me'? or 'What if I get hurt again?' or 'What am I supposed to say to them?"

Lack of confidence clearly underlies all of this as well.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

What your describing IS a lack of confidence. It's self doubt.

[BaileyisDarcy]

It doesn't mean you're afraid.

Its a sensation called euphoria, positive anxiety. Similar to the positive anxiety experienced when on a ride, such as a roller coaster. (Negative anxiety is called disphoria. What is usually meant when a person claims to be experiencing anxiety)

We simply believe it is negative because of the effect it has on our bodies,
clammy palms- makes us embarrased to shake or hold hands
Faster heart rate- causes adrenalin to rush which makes our brain move faster, enter the fight or flight mode
Faster breathing- more blood rushing through our bodies means we need more oxygen to sustain the health of that blood, leading to faster breathing which is both embarrasing and makes it harder to speak.
Shut down of "unnecesary" organs such as your stomach, intestines, liver. Essentially the whole of your digestive system is likely the cause of the "butterflies in your stomach" phenomenon.

The body and its connection to our mental health is an amazing thing.

[BaileyisDarcy]

After this initial reaction you might have doubts enter your mind, all the doubts listed by other comments. This will cause disphoria (negative anxiety) for which the effects on our body is the same, we simply have a much more negative mentality to go along with it making the effects feel different and negative.

[Anonymous]

Not to sound very negative but every time I meet someone I am just attracted to the core something bad always happens! They end up ghosting me, they are a player, a liar or have anger crazy problems and just goes down in flames. When I'm not so attracted to someone and they are more into me it works out. So I basically can never have someone I'm crazy about cause they fall into bery bad categories and I really try to look for the best!

[karahiri]

yeah. last guy i was with intimidated me so much because of what an incredible person he was. military + physicist + insanely chivalrous + physically attractive + great sense of humor. i was like... why the hell is this dude slumming it with me? but i told myself to shut up. i'm glad i didn't let my insecurities get in the way.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

It's because perople are scared of rejection. And this isn't just any kind of rejection, this is a very direct type.

When someone your attracted to rejects you, they are saying that you aren't good enough. You didn't make the cut and you in her eyes probably never will

[Nightinggale]

Most of us create these false images of love and create these identities of the people we're attracted to in our head. We as a society are obsessed with the idea of romance and falling in love. With every person we see, we think they could be "the one" and it scares us that they might reject us. It's neurotic honestly.

[Anonymous]

It's probably cause u don't want to mess up and embarrass yourself infront of them. I'm quite a confident person so I'd usually just have a conversation with them, worse that can happen is they aren't interested and u just move on x

[mrinalashesh007]

It's scary due to only one factor...

WHAT IF HE/SHE REJECTS ME?
WHAT IF I GET HURT... AGAIN (IN SOME CASES)

[Phoenix98]

I'm not it's more excitement and intrigue then anything else.

Plus it's not fear your feeling but nervousness most of the time.

[Titanic1912]

You've got butterflies and you're really nervous about what to say and what to do and how to act.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

It's not them I'm afraid of. It's that I'll do something stupid.

[FaithfulGuardian]

because you are not sure will the girl likes you back due to many factors. No matter how confidence you are, you just can't get every girl.

[Seppel]

I want that she only Sees the best in me and I want that she likes me so I don't want to say something wrong or do something dumb

[Lucifer_Morningstar7]

obviously you don't wanna look stupid in front of them. And importantly fear of rejection

[WaterRat]

I'm usually attracted to serial killers. Something about eggshell white just makes me randy.

[Greek_God]

Its because we feel we are not good enough and we are scared to say/do something that will drive the other person away.

[Gray_Wolf]

I dont but I think people who scares have fear of rejection

[gomalley411]

Because of the chance they'll reject me

[CallMeTie]

your afraid of what he/she will think of you

[Anonymous]

The description is me

[tyber1]

It's called anxiety

[Anonymous]

im scared of rejection

[Anonymous]

Did it. Didn't work. Don't talk. Went away.