Suitor A 14 years younger than woman in question (WIQ) in his early 20s Has a job with career-growth and or small business potential Sweet romantic and very much in love with WIQ Have separated before and came back together A lot of chemistry Passionate and a but stubborn Wants to start a family etc WIQ is fine with that. Both families have objections due to age gap but Family of Suitor A has issue with divorced status of WIQ Suitor A Not as religious as Suitor B
Suitor B Is older in their mid-forties Has their own business Attractive and helpful Seems to have a passive-agressive side Highly analytical and cerebreal Very religious and similar level of practice as woman in question WIQ WIQ doesn't know him as well Suitor A He took over a month to respond to WIQ expression of interest in him
The woman in question really loves Suitor A one but feels a bit insecure due to some incompatibilities in religious practice. Also, is a bit suspicious of him but has no proof.
Suitor B is ready to marry ASAP but Suitor A needs to get a few things in order before they are fully ready. Also, Suitor A and woman in question plan to elope.
It sounds like both options would be settling. Settling is never in anyone's best interest over the long-run. There are potential challenges with each. Both come across self-serving and would likely want to be in control. Suitor A is still going through adolescence, and no one can predict the person he'll be when (or if) he resolves that. Do you feel you have to settle or be alone for the rest of your life, or are you primarily looking for a provider? It's your life, and only you know what is right for you. Don't concern yourself with what others say.
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NonI don't want to settle. I was perfectly happy to be alone after my dovorce but men were just coming out of the woodwork. These are the two that got the closest. Suitor A has things that I have been searching for forever but it will take A LOT of communication, patience and prayer to be a true success. It's just one of those I love you jist because things. Suitor B is the one who is super in his head and risk averse. This is just like my ex husband and it's a bit triggering.
If these are your only two options, I'd choose Suitor A as a friends with benefits, but I wouldn't complicate things by getting married. Just enjoy him till he loses interest.
You may be attractive to him now, but will you be attractive to him in 20 years? I've known too many women who married young guys and then grew to regret it over time. It will be a long time before the two of you will be in the same developmental stage. How many adolescents do you know who are prepared to make long-term decisions? They haven't the faintest idea what they're getting into.
Sometimes adolescents marry and grow together, as they know nothing else. You've had experiences and know what works for you. He's going to be doing much more growing than you.
Im in a society wjere marrying young is the norm. He was pannjng on marrying before I arroved in the scene but it ended very badly and he was scarred.
Do you know how many yound adolescents grow together and the old saggyv. an goes and leaves his wife for a younger woman? Whether O marry the same age or much younger I could still get left for a younger woman.
Yes, I know he would have growing to do but he's in a whole different frame of mind since we got back. Also, you assume that I am hear clinging to this guy just because hexs young. It's flattering but it isn't that new since most everyone I attract is younger than me. Usually the most serious ones are the youngest ones.
I'm not saying young guys aren't drawn to older women in their 30s and 40s, but how often do you see them drawn to senior citizens? You may be young looking now, but that will probably change over time. What happens if you discover you can no longer get pregnant? No one has a guaranty when it comes to a relationship lasting. You may feel this has an much chance as any other roll of the dice, and it all comes down to your decision.
These are all valid points. We aren't 30 years apart or anything like that. If I'm being honest, I'll probably age better than him. We would start a family soon. And I have to be careful since I get pregnant from being breathed on. Fertility and attractiveness are not whatbI am worried about. I've been the Pretty Ypung Thang that evwryone says I should worry about him leaving me for. I'm telling you I didn't have what it took to really keep a man back then.
Young guys often are drawn to older women as it often takes pressure off of them to provide. They figure these woman are already established and own most of the things they want to own, so he assumes they'll be less needy. He may also appreciate your intelligence and experience, preferring that over the flightiness of younger girls. He may also see you as less self-centered than younger girls. He'll be lucky to have you.
If he's stubborn, he may resist not making all or most of the decisions. To avoid feeding into the stubbornness, make decisions as a couple rather than unilaterally. Rather than present a solution and then ask his opinion, like many people do, start off by identifying the challenge and then seek his input. As an example, if planning a vacation, start with making a list together of all the things that are important to you when it comes to a vacation. Once you have the list, the two of you can create a list of locations that might meet the majority of the items on the list (and all of the high priority items). Next, discuss the pros and cons of each option. Finally, choose together which location is closest to your ideal. By promoting teamwork and showing him you value his thoughts and feelings, you're less likely to see his stubborn streak. Also, understand how common it is to label someone as stubborn whenever we don't get our way. Hopefully, both of you will stay considerate of each other rather than focus on any sense of entitlement.
If she's not aiming for kids or something then I think she can relax and have a good time and let things flow naturally. She can let the external things decide.
Suitor B being in mid forties is too old to start a family in my opinion and WIQ doesn't seem too thrilled about him.
Suitor A is too young/not ready to do it and by the time he is the WIQ might be too old herself.
If children are not an issue then I'd go with Suitor A, though religion might become a problem.
If A and B are not the only men on the planet then WIQ would do better searching for someone more appropriate.
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Suitor A wants to have kids very soon and I still have a good 4 years to pop out some. The religion thing yes! I agree but it's not about whonis better because I could go for the money cinnections looks route. Its more about who is suited to me.
In that case WIQ doesn't have good 4 years to pop out babies. After 33 there are many problems that grow exponentially with each passing year and there's really no guarantee she will even get pregnant. It's a bit irresponsible to leave it till then if she really wants to have children, she might regret it for the rest of her life. And if Suitor A really does and she cannot give them to him then he will eventually leave her for someone who can. It might be a bit harsh but if WIQ wants Suitor A (which would be better for the kids than with Suitor B which would add to the potential genetic diseases their children can have) then she should seriously discuss with him starting their family asap because even asap is already pretty late. I worked for a medical lab and we collaborated with fertility clinics... the WIQ does not want to go through 3+ miscarriages to have a child and unfortunately after 33 years of age this risk steadily increases. Unfortunately that's the reality and while plenty of women have healthy children in their 40s, they have less eggs and those that remain are of lesser quality. Same with men's sperm after 40s and hence Suitor A is a safer bet. Having a disabled child will really screw their life and unfortunately men have been known for leaving their wives when she births a disabled child.
I had my last at 35 and she was beyond perfect. And I know many women having perfectly healthy babies into their 40s. And my stuff is in excellent shape. I don't get worked up about all this egg-quality fear mongering. Either way, thanks for weighing in with your robust and insightful response. You've really given me a lot of great food for thought.
Oh, if you already have children and you're not risking never having any because of the choice you now make then definitely follow your heart. You're not risking much and I can tell Suitor B is just not exciting you enough. The way I see it you will be able to find a companion through most of your life, but if you miss your chance for children then once it's gone it's really gone. It's also better if you already had children before than if you had your first past 35. I wish you wisdom in making the decision and that the person you ultimately choose will be worth your love.
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